How to help someone else

If you think someone you know has started to self-harm, it's important to approach the subject with care and understanding.

It can be very helpful to just be there and let them know they're not alone. But it's important to remember you may not be able to help them on your own.

How to recognise self-harm

It can be hard to recognise when someone has started to self-harm as they may not want anyone else to know.

There are also many different ways that someone might self-harm.

Physical signs of self-harm

keeping themselves fully covered at all times, even in hot weather
unexplained cuts, bruises or cigarette burns, usually on the wrists, arms, thighs and chest
unexplained blood stains on clothing or tissues
signs that they have been pulling out their hair

Emotional signs of self-harm

becoming very withdrawn and not speaking to others
signs of depression, such as low mood, tearfulness or a lack of motivation or interest in anything
signs of low self-esteem, such as thinking they're not good enough
talking about ending things or not wanting to go on

Things you can try to help

There are some things you can try that may help someone feel more supported and able to get help.

Do

encourage them to speak to a GP or free listening service about self-harm
ask how they would like to be supported
let them know you're there for them
tell them about their positive qualities
try to understand their emotions and experiences, without judging them, rather than focusing on their self-harm
consider that any amount of self-harm might be a sign that they're feeling extremely distressed
let them be in control of their decisions, but get them medical attention if needed

Don’t

do not try to force them to change what they're doing
do not threaten to take away their control
do not insult them, for example by saying they're attention-seeking

Further information and support

If you're supporting someone who self-harms you should also make sure you take care of yourself.

If you care for someone with a mental health condition who is 18 or over, you can ask the local authority for a carer’s assessment. This will help you access support and services if you need to.

These organisations offer information and advice for friends and family: