Parenting self assessment
How are you and your child coping?
Parenting
can be a wonderful and fulfilling experience. It can also be the hardest thing
any of us have to deal with.
This quiz
is for parents of babies and pre-school children. It provides practical advice
to help with the demands of family life.
The
results will give you an overview of your situation, as well as useful links to
videos and features tailored to your personal responses.
QUESTIONS
1. How old is your child?
a)
Under three months old.
b)
Between three and six months old.
c)
Between six and 18 months old.
d)
Between 18 months and three years old.
e) Over
three years old.
IF YOUR
CHILD IS UNDER SIX MONTHS OLD:
2. How is your breastfeeding going?
a) It’s fine. My baby and I are both doing well. (0 points)
Read
about the benefits of breastfeeding
b) I'm
still finding it a bit tricky and uncomfortable. (1 points)
If you`re having problems breastfeeding,
speak to your health visitor about one-to-one support.
c) My baby
doesn't seem to like it. (3 points)
If you`re having problems breastfeeding,
speak to your health visitor about one-to-one support.
d) My
breasts are sore. (3 points)
If you have soreness
caused by breastfeeding, get advice from your GP or health visitor as soon as
possible.
e) My
breasts are really sore with a hot red patch. (3 points)
If either of your breasts are
sore, red and hot, speak to your GP immediately.
f) I'm
thinking of changing to bottle feeding. (2 points)
If you`re thinking of changing to bottle
feeding, consider combining it with breastfeeding.
Combining
breast and bottle feeding
g) I'm
not breastfeeding. (0 points)
IF YOUR
CHILD IS UNDER SIX MONTHS OLD:
3. Do any of the following apply to you? You
can pick more than one:
a) I'm
not getting enough sleep. (1 point)
It`s usual to feel tired. Ask friends or
family to help out so you can rest when you`re particularly tired.
b) I
feel exhausted all the time. (2 points)
Having a new baby can be exhausting, but if you`re
feeling anxious or depressed speak to your health visitor or GP immediately.
c) I'm
still sore after the birth. (3 points)
If you`re sore from the birth, ask your
health visitor for a check-up to make sure you`re healing as expected.
d) I
don't have time to eat. (2 points)
Although it can be hard, eating healthily
will give you energy. Try preparing some meals when your baby is sleeping.
Keep
healthy after having a baby
e) I'm
overweight. (1 point)
If you want to lose weight, do it safely. Eat
a balanced diet and build gentle exercise into your day, such as going for a
walk.
Keep
healthy after having a baby
f) I have
unusual bleeding. (3 points)
If you have any unusual bleeding, see your GP
or health visitor as soon as you can for a check-up and advice.
g) I'm
feeling fine. (0 points)
IF YOUR
CHILD IS UNDER EIGHTEEN MONTHS OLD:
4. Have you been feeling down or anxious
since your child was born?
a) No,
not at all (0 point)
b)
Sometimes I feel a bit tired or low, but mostly I'm fine (1 point)
It`s normal to feel tired or low sometimes.
But if you feel very low, it`s important to talk to your health visitor.
c)
Sometimes I feel quite down (2 points)
If feeling down is affecting your day-to-day
life, speak to your GP or health visitor. There`s lots they can do to
help.
d) I
feel down almost every day (3 points)
If feeling down is affecting your day-to-day
life, speak to your GP or health visitor. There`s lots they can do to
help.
e) I
feel down and depressed all the time (4 points)
Don`t ignore your feelings. If you`re feeling
down most days, speak to your GP or health visitor as soon as possible.
Signs
of postnatal depression
Getting
depression after a baby is born can be very distressing. There are a number of
symptoms.
Some
symptoms, such as tiredness, irritability or a poor appetite, are normal if you
have just had a baby. Usually these are mild and do not stop you leading a
normal life.
If you
have postnatal depression, you may be increasingly depressed and despondent.
Looking after yourself or the baby may become too much.
It
usually occurs two to eight weeks after the birth and in some cases the baby
blues don't go away. Sometimes the depression doesn't appear until up to a year
after the baby is born.
IF YOUR
CHILD IS EIGHTEEN MONTHS OR OLDER:
5. How do you feel about teaching your child
to use a potty or toilet?
a) My
child is already potty trained. (0 points)
b) My
child is potty trained during the day but not at night. (1 points)
It`s great that your child is potty trained during
the day. It`s natural for it take longer to be dry at night. This should come
with time.
c) I've
started potty training. It's not going very well and my child gets upset. (2
points)
It may be too soon for your child to potty
train. Go back to nappies for a few weeks and then start again.
d) I'd
like to start potty training but I'm not sure if my child is ready. (1 points)
Children are usually ready for potty training
when they can tell you that they need to wee or poo
in advance of doing it.
Potty
training
Children
get bladder and bowel control when they’re physically ready for it, and when
they want to be dry and clean. Every child is different, so it’s best not to
compare your child with others.
It
usually takes a little longer to learn to stay dry throughout the night. Most
children learn this between the ages of three and five. It's estimated that a
quarter of three-year-olds and one in six five-year-olds wet the bed.
6. How much time do you spend playing with
and talking to your child on an average day?
a) None
(2 points)
Playing encourages your baby`s development so
increase your playtime to at least an hour a day.
b) Less
than one hour (1 points)
Playing encourages your baby`s development so
increase your playtime to at least an hour a day.
c) One to two hours (0
points)
d) Two to three hours
(0 points)
e) Over
three hours (0 points)
Why
playing is important
We all
know that playing is fun, but it’s also the most effective way for children to
learn. By playing, children can practise all the skills they’ll need as they
grow up.
To grow
and develop, children need time and attention from someone who is happy to play
with them. Gradually, they’ll learn to entertain themselves for some of the
time.
It can
be hard to find time to play with your child when you're busy. Try to find ways
of involving your child in what you’re doing, even the chores. Children learn
from everything they do and everything that’s going on around them.
7. Has your child had all the recommended
tests and vaccinations?
a) Yes,
they're completely up-to-date (0 points)
b) They
have had some of them (1 points)
Check with your health visitor which
vaccinations your baby may have missed so they can get them.
c) They
haven't had any (2 points)
If there`s no medical reason for your child
not to have their vaccinations, they should have them soon.
d) I
don't know. (3 points)
Check with your health visitor which
vaccinations your baby may have missed so they can get them.
Childhood
vaccinations explained
More
on vaccinations
It’s
important that your baby has their vaccinations at the right age, to keep the
risk of disease and any side effects as low as possible. All childhood
vaccinations are free. Your GP or clinic will usually send you an appointment
for vaccinations.
A quick
guide to when vaccinations are due:
• Two months: diptheria,
tetanus, whooping cough, polio and Hib (DTaP/IPV/Hib) and pneumococcal.
• Three months: DTaP/IPV/Hib; meningitis C (Men C).
• Four months: DTap/IPV/Hib; Men C.
• 12-13 months: measles, mumps and
rubella (MMR), pneumococcal (PCV), Hib/MenC.
• Three years, four months: DTap/IPV; MMR.
8. How would you describe your relationship
with your partner since the birth of your child?
a) It's good. We're both happy. (0 points)
b) It's changed but
we're adjusting well. (0 points)
A new baby is a massive change and it`s
normal for this to affect your relationship.
c)
We're arguing a lot more than usual. I'm worried about our relationship. (1
points)
Many couples have difficulties at this time.
But if you`re worried, speak to your local branch of Relate.
d) My
partner is aggressive and violent towards me. (3 points)
Domestic violence is a serious offence. For
advice, call the free 24-hour helpline on 0808 200 0247.
e) I'm
not in a relationship at the moment. (1 points)
Bringing up a child on your own has its
pressures. If you`re struggling, speak to your health visitor.
Bringing
up a child on your own
9. How would you describe your stress level
each day?
a) Very
high most of the time. (3 points)
You`re certainly not alone if you feel a bit
stressed. But if you feel unable to cope, speak to your GP.
b)
Sometimes high. (2 points)
You`re certainly not alone if you feel a bit
stressed. But if you feel unable to cope, speak to your GP.
c) Same
as normal. (0 points)
Well done: your stress levels are low, and you`re clearly coping very well with being a
parent.
d) My
stress level is generally low. (0 points)
Well done: your stress levels are low, and you`re clearly coping very well with being a
parent.
Signs
of unhealthy stress
Small children
take a lot of looking after, but perhaps the most stressful thing is having to cope with everything else in life as well.
Sometimes
you can feel as though life is out of control. If you’re a person who likes to
be in control and worries about things getting done, this can make you feel
tense and frustrated.
Signs
of unhealthy stress include:
• anger,
• depression,
• anxiety,
• panic
attacks,
• chest pains,
or
• dizziness.
IF YOUR
CHILD IS BETWEEN SIX AND EIGHTEEN MONTHS OLD:
10. How do you feel about starting your child
on solid food?
a) I've
already started. It's going well. (0 points)
b) I
want to start but I'm not sure how to go about it. (1 point)
Weaning can seem daunting at first. Read our features
and if you still have concerns, ask your health visitor for further advice.
c) I've
started my child on solid food but they often spit it out. (1 point)
If your baby refuses solids, try different
foods. At first, make them completely smooth.
d) My
child is breastfeeding well. I don't want to start weaning yet. (1 point)
Breastfeeding is recommended for the first
six months, after which solids should be introduced.
11. How do you feel about being back at work, or going back soon?
a) It's great. I'm
enjoying being back at work. (0 points)
b) I'd
like to know more about my rights at work now I'm a parent. (1 point)
It`s important to know your rights in the
workplace so that your work fits in with family life.
c) I'm
due back soon and I'm worried about choosing the right childcare. (1 point)
There are many childcare options available.
Take your time to consider what`s best for you and your child.
d) I'm
worried about money. Can I claim any benefits or tax credits? (2 points)
If you`re on a low income, you may be
entitled to benefits and/or tax credits. See Useful links.
e) I
feel nervous about leaving my child. (2 points)
Going back to work can be a big step. Speak
to your employer about any concerns you have.
f) I'm
back at work. I'm finding it stressful and tiring. (2 points)
If work is stressful, consider talking to
your employer about flexible working.
g) I'm
not planning to work in the near future. (0 points)
12. Have you made any of the following changes
to your home to protect your child from accidents? You can pick more than one:
a) Fitted locks to
cupboards and windows.
b) Put
medicines, bleach and other harmful substances out of reach.
c)
Installed a smoke detector.
d)
Fitted a stair gate.
e)
Covered electrical sockets.
f) None
of these.
Safety
for under-fives
Accidents
are one of the leading causes of death among children aged between one and
five. Every year, about 500,000 children under five go to hospital because of
an accident in the home.
Exploring
and playing are an essential part of learning and children shouldn't be wrapped
in cotton wool. Bumps and bruises are inevitable, but you can do some simple
things to make sure your child doesn’t get seriously injured.
13. Is your child eating as healthily as you
would like?
a) Yes,
they eat a healthy, well-balanced diet including five portions of fruit and
vegetables a day. (0 points)
b) They
eat well but not enough fruit and vegetables. (1 point)
Be creative with fruit and vegetables.
Include them in the foods your child loves, like pizza and pasta.
c) I
have trouble getting them to eat any food. (2 points)
Cooking with kids can encourage them to eat.
If you`d like more advice, speak to your health visitor.
d) I
can't afford healthy food. It costs a lot more than the food I buy. (1 points)
Read our feature about affordable healthy
foods. You can also get advice from your health visitor.
e) I
think my child overeats, especially things like crisps and chocolate. (3
points)
If your child is overeating, speak to your
health visitor for advice on healthy eating. See Useful links.
f) I'm
not sure. (2 points)
Speak to your health visitor about what sorts
of your child should be eating and what to avoid.
14. How difficult is your child's behaviour?
a) Very
difficult and unpredictable. (2 points)
b)
Often difficult. (1 point)
c)
Sometimes difficult. (1 point)
d) Not
difficult at all. (0 points)
If your
child`s behaviour is sometimes difficult, or getting worse, you may find it helpful
to speak to your health visitor about how to deal with it.
Understanding
difficult behaviour
More
on toddler tantrums
Temper tantrums
usually start at around 18 months. They’re very common at that age: one in five
two-year-olds has a temper tantrum every day. One reason for this is that
two-year-olds really want to express themselves, but find it difficult.
They
feel frustrated and the frustration comes out as a tantrum. Once a child can
talk more, they’re less likely to have tantrums. Tantrums are far less common
by about the age of four.
15. If your child is starting school or
pre-school soon, how do you feel about it?
a)
Fine. I've talked to the teachers and they're aware of my child's needs.
b) I'm
not sure how to prepare my child for their first day.
Prepare your child for school or pre-school
by telling them all about it. Reassure them that it will be fun and take them
there for a visit so that they know what to expect.
c) I'm
worried that my child won't settle in.
If you`re concerned about your child, speak
to someone at the school about your concerns and discuss ways to help them
settle in.
d) My
child isn't about to start school.
School
starting dates
Legally,
children must start formal education no later than the beginning of the school
term following their fifth birthday. Many infant and primary schools admit
children to their reception classes when they are four.
If
you're offered a school place for your child when they're four, but would rather
they started school later in the school year, you can ask the school to defer
entry. But you must take the place during that school year. You can’t hold it
over to the next year.
Schools
can only offer a certain number of places, so start looking early. You can get
a list of local schools and information about them from your local education
department
16. If you’re not planning another pregnancy
yet, are you using contraception?
a) Yes,
I’m already using contraception.
b) I’m
breastfeeding so I don’t think I need any.
It is possible to get pregnant while
breastfeeding. Use contraception if you don`t want to have another baby.
c) I’m
not ready to have sex yet so I don’t need it.
It`s good idea to think about contraception.
That way, if you do feel ready for sex, it`s already sorted out.
d) I
want to but I’m not sure which type to use.
There are many types of contraception
available. Your GP, health visitor or local GUM clinic
can advise you.
e) No,
I’m not using any.
There are many types of contraception
available. Your GP, health visitor or local GUM clinic
can advise you.
Contraception
and breast feeding
You can
get pregnant as little as three weeks after the birth of a baby. This can
happen even if you're breastfeeding, and even if you haven’t started your
periods again.
You can
use male and female condoms as soon as you feel ready to have sex. The combined
pill, progestogen-only pill and contraceptive
implants can be used from 21 days after the birth. However, the combined pill
is not recommended if you're breastfeeding, as it can affect your milk supply.
You can
usually have a contraceptive injection or start using a diaphragm or cap around
six weeks after giving birth. If you used a diaphragm or cap before becoming
pregnant, see your GP or family planning clinic to ensure that it still fits
correctly, as childbirth and other factors such as weight loss/gain can have a
significant effect. An IUD (coil) or IUS can usually be fitted six to eight
weeks after giving birth.
RESULTS
A
bulleted list is generated depending on answers given. The answers that will
form this list are given in italics above.
0-6 points
Based
on your answers today it seems you are doing really well, which is great. The
advice in italics and links may be of interest.
6-15 points
Based
on your answers today it seems you are doing well but having some problems in a
few areas. The advice in italics and links may be of interest.
15-60 points
Based
on your answers today it seems you are finding some things difficult at the
moment. The advice in italics and links may be of interest.
Your
health visitor is available if you want to talk to someone.
NHS Choices 2011