Miscarriage is much more common

Miscarriage is much more common
than people realise.

One in five pregnancies
will end in miscarriage.

That's 20 per cent of women
that get pregnant

will end up having a miscarriage.

For some women,

a miscarriage is something
that they don't feel deeply affected by.

For others, it can have
a very, very deep emotional meaning.

They way we look at it
is we won't ever forget him.

He is our first-born. That is quite
difficult for other people to recognise.

A miscarriage occurs
when a pregnancy ends before 24 weeks

with the baby being born dead.

There are different stages.

The first stage is referred to
as an early miscarriage.

That can be eight weeks, nine weeks,
ten weeks of pregnancy.

Then there's a mid-trimester miscarriage
which is later: 18, 19 weeks.

Then there's a late miscarriage
which is up until 24 weeks.

- (Lara) My waters broke at 21 weeks.
- (Mark) The prognosis...

Was poor. Very poor.

That night, I'd gone to bed. I'd just
said good night to you on the phone.

I went to the bathroom and thought,
"That doesn't feel right."

And a little foot came out.

Little Tommy was born
about half-past ten at night.

And he was gorgeous.

We always say he just came too early

because I don't want to think of him
as a miscarriage.

That means my body did something wrong,

and that puts it back on me,

and you can't blame yourself
because things happen.

Very often, there's a huge expectation

from the minute somebody says,
"You're going to have a baby,"

your life sort of plans out
ahead of you,

and when you experience a miscarriage,
you lose your future.

There's no right way to grieve

and it's really important
that we give people an opportunity

to talk about how they feel.

Certainly, midwives, nurses,
gynae nurses and doctors

have a role to play in recognising
that this is a very real loss.

The hospital were brilliant.

They dressed him in a little top for us
and they actually took pictures of him

because you need those memories,
because you won't remember.

He was left with us
until we decided that he could go.


And that was special. We needed that
because you have to make that choice.

It's not like, "We're going
to take your baby away now."

You have to make that choice.

He could have been in there
as long as we wanted.

Counselling was brilliant.

(Mark) We both went.

It was the best thing for me as well.

(Lara) We probably
would have got through it,

but not in such a good place to move on
and want to get pregnant again

and understand things much more clearly.

Having a miscarriage doesn't mean

you won't go on
to have a successful pregnancy.

Most women go on to have a successful
pregnancy after a miscarriage.

(Lara) On New Year's Day, 2008,

I did a pregnancy test
and found out I was pregnant.

We had a scan and found out
that that baby hadn't grown.

- (Mark) From week six.
- It hadn't got a heartbeat.

That was week nine.
I didn't actually miscarry till week 11.

Even an early loss
can have a real identity.

Women don't understand why they feel
so strongly about that loss

when society treats it
as just a miscarriage.

Different women
will have different reactions.

For some women, an early miscarriage
or mid-trimester miscarriage

may not be as devastating
as it is for others.

The second miscarriage...

It was just a lot of blood
and a lot of clots.

There wasn't actually a baby there.

That's how I perceived
a miscarriage to be, the second one.

That's how you think of a miscarriage.
There's not actually a baby.

(Mark) The percentage of miscarriages
is so much higher

in the first, is it two months?
The first eight weeks?

So I can kind of think
that you're not so unlucky.

That happens to lots of people.

Although a miscarriage
can take quite a long time

to manage and get through,

most people go on
to get on with their lives

in a way that is fulfilling and happy.

It doesn't always mean
that you're going to be sad forever.

But it does need to be recognised
and given the due respect

that families need
around such a big event.

(Lara) I never once looked at her
and thought, "I wish you were Tommy,"

because she was Tommy's sister,
or is Tommy's sister.

And that's the only way
to think about it.

She will always know about him.

She will always be told about him.
He will always be part of our family.