I was beginning to lose

I was beginning to lose
all my self-confidence.

I began to feel that I was worthless
and I'd never achieved anything in life.

And, um, I couldn't sleep.

I then ended up having
a total nervous breakdown.

I was in a meeting

and, um... I just couldn't follow
what everyone else was saying.

And so they realised there was a problem

and I was sent to the joint services
psychiatric hospital.

I started displaying the symptoms
of mania.

Didn't know it at the time,

but I was becoming
increasingly irritable

and having feelings of great control
over events, and power.

I mean, I used to believe that I could,
when I was driving along,

that I could change traffic lights
to green as I approached.

That I could make them turn green.

And I had several psychotic episodes.

But the one that really sort of
had a major effect on me

was when I believed
that I was the archangel Gabriel.

I'd read about other people
who'd suffered from manic depression

and they have quite often said

that they were so concerned
about the fact that they were going mad.

I've never, ever believed
that I was mad.

And this is the reason why the diagnosis
of manic depression

normally takes so long to be recognised.

Because when you are manic,
why would you go to the doctor's

when you feel absolutely wonderful
and you're flying?

I was seen by a naval psychiatrist...

..who said...

"You've been dismissed...

..your marriage is breaking up..."

Because it was by this stage.
It was really on the rocks, you know.

"..and yet you are so happy."

That was, um... him actually trying
to suggest the diagnosis to me

of manic depression, I think.

I take my medication. I take
Quetiapine, which is an antipsychotic.

Just a very small dosage. 25mg.

And I take it religiously

and have no further desire to, um,
go through manic depression... again.

But, um...

that's how Sally likes me to be:
boring and normal.