(woman) Dave and I were taking the girls
away camping for the weekend.
All the camping equipment's
kept in the loft.
After lunch we jokingly said,
"We'd better start getting the
because we're going in five hours."
is a very, very complex issue
because everybody will have
their own unique journey
and I think it's really important to
know that there's no right or wrong way.
(Penny) The last thing he said to me
was, "Can you get another light bulb?"
I went off, got the light bulb,
handed it up to him.
I turned my back
for about two or three seconds,
heard a scream and yes, that was...
..the bit I can't talk about.
With a very, very sudden death,
from experience I feel that
that sense of complete disbelief
and being in a dream
is probably very, very acute.
Then the ambulance crew,
I can't remember how many,
two or three of them...
..came in and I was asked
to go downstairs.
But I immediately knew that he was dead.
People talk a lot
about the stages of bereavement
and I think perhaps the first thing
will be often this sense
of complete disbelief,
that this just hasn't happened at all.
It was like a fog had come across...
..and I just couldn't cry,
couldn't get angry.
I just wanted to protect the children.
Then comes the time
where the reality hits
and for some people
that's often after the funeral.
For about two or three years
with the post-traumatic stress,
I could have sat there and told it
without a tear in my eye,
as if I was reading it
off a newspaper report.
I think this is the first time
I've actually told it crying,
so I suppose it's progress
from my viewpoint.
People can find themselves
with sometimes overwhelming feelings,
crying, a lot of physical sensations
sometimes, feeling very ill.
It's like waves on a beach,
it comes and goes.
Everybody's experience is different.
Then you move on eventually
to an acceptance
that that person has gone
and that life has changed forever,
and then people talk
about perhaps a final stage
where you do move on.
(Penny) I went to the school and
"I just can't do this any more."
They said, "There's no way
you've been a bad mother."
"You're down here because you do care."
"You're looking for help."
And they were very good because they
actually got me the help that I needed.
I think what can be really helpful
but difficult to do
is to try and talk to somebody.
(Penny) I had a very nice lady
who put us into family therapy.
We could all sit there
in a room that was neutral...
..and I could put my viewpoint,
the children could put their viewpoint
and she was able to look
from the outside in.
The stages are useful things
to hang feelings on
but people will not go through them
in any set order.
will never experience any of them.
(Penny) She said, "It's
but you need to take back control."
I got a lot of help from there.
If somebody has been ill
for a long time,
perhaps with a life-threatening illness,
and there's been time for a lot of
talking and some pre-bereavement work,
I think then that certainly
the immediate post-bereavement period
would be different to a sudden,
very, very traumatic death.
Although there's no set time
for these very sad feelings to persist,
if the person themselves or
one of their friends or family thinks,
"This is going on too
they're not looking after themselves,
then that's the time
to go and get some advice from the GP.
They are usually very approachable
and very supportive.