Sex and love addictions
are different sides of the same coin.
is really referring to behaviours:
use of internet pornography,
a whole host of ritualised
Love addiction is more
a psychological or emotional style,
harking back to childhood, the
prince and living happily ever after,
where again someone,
more commonly a woman,
repeatedly behaves in relationships
in a pattern that ends up
being very self-destructive.
I was in a relationship for eight years.
We tried, I think, over 16 times
getting back together,
separating, getting back together,
each time hoping it would be better.
And that got so painful,
I eventually got to a situation
where I thought I had to get
some kind of psychological help
and also find other people who have
through the same kind of trauma.
It's easy to be almost scoffing
of this disorder,
but we're increasingly realising
the extent of it.
And in terms of consequences,
these sorts of behaviours
So people, as with any addiction,
start losing social relationships,
professional work relationships
and, in some instances,
obviously can get in trouble legally,
depending on the nature of things.
Financially, if the sexual addiction
takes people into prostitution...
For example, in my own situation,
really not being able to function
at work at all,
really bad dreams,
severe, suicidal depression.
Now, some people might experience
when a relationship ends,
but I would think this is slightly
extreme, and I could at least see that.
I could see this is bizarre,
because this seems to be beyond the
"normal" grief you might experience
if you end a relationship.
The key thing about love addiction
is that the person with it is
suffering from very poor sense of self,
so they seek a solution to their
absence of self in someone else.
Such a person is not going to grow
and is probably going to end up
experiencing all sorts of other symptoms
such as depression, trauma and so on.
I think love addiction, basically,
is the belief that unless
I am with somebody, I don't exist.
And also the fact that somebody else
is going to fix me, make me feel OK,
because I feel deep down
so awful about myself.
often covers up other things.
If you remove addictive behaviour,
you still have the other things,
which may be mood disorders, trauma,
emotional issues from the past, all
which must be faced and addressed.
And that involves therapy.
The key thing would be to find
a counsellor or therapist
who is at least aware of and has
expertise in sexual addictions,
and a GP might be able to help
If not, it would be worth contacting
a self-help support group
such as Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
Please, please talk to somebody. You
not alone and there is help out there.
It's hard to admit it,
but once you admit it,
that's a great mark of humility
and you're on your way.