I realised I wasn't coping at work.
But I was in denial about that.
I was in a stressful job.
I had a lot of responsibility.
Um, and my defence mechanism was
um, it'll all pass, Lol..
Continue what you're doing.
It's just a little bit of stress
and it'll all pass... in time.
With the depression,
my thoughts were very negative,
which is often the case
Everything in the world
is seen in a negative light.
I was feeling that
I wasn't doing my job properly.
My self-esteem wasn't as high.
My confidence level had been affected.
Decision making. Where I'd normally
make decisions and stick by them,
I was questioning the decisions
I was making,
which wasn't normally
something I would do.
Sleeping was affected.
During the night I would wake up
as we call it in mental health
terminology, over certain things,
Um, when I was in a room with people
a meeting, I was feeling very anxious.
I was having panic attack sensations.
So then I wondered whether other
were noticing that in...
The junior members of staff at the time,
were they realising that I was
struggling with my emotions
because of the way I was behaving?
Go into my office, closing the door
just hoping that things would go away.
But of course they didn't go away,
they just got worse.
The point when I realised I needed
was a meeting with my manager
and she could see I was struggling
to deal with some issue
we were talking about.
And she said, "Lol, I don't
you're well, basically.
I think you need to seek help."
Deep down I knew that anyway,
but it probably took somebody
to say that to me.
And the manager at the time was
probably the right person to say that.
I started feeling a change probably
after about two weeks
of taking the medication.
So I then attributed that
to the medication.
I felt... With most
it takes two to three weeks
to start having a therapeutic effect.
So in my own mind, I knew that my...
I was conscious that my mood
I was enjoying things more and
I was having less negative thoughts.
I wasn't feeling so negative
about myself and different things.
So after about two weeks
I noticed I was changing.
and things were starting to improve.
I feel I've become a stronger person
because I took time off work
and accepted what the problems were
and dealt with them
in an appropriate manner.
And now I'm more insightful
as to what keeps me well,
so I can spot the trigger signs a
sooner now and I'll act upon them.
If I feel I'm getting stressed now
I know what to do to act upon that.
Mental illness can happen to one in
of the population,
so if it can happen to me, a
nurse, it can happen to anybody.