I realised I wasn't coping at work

I realised I wasn't coping at work.

But I was in denial about that.

I was in a stressful job.
I had a lot of responsibility.

Um, and my defence mechanism was

um, it'll all pass, Lol..
Continue what you're doing.

It's just a little bit of stress
you're experiencing

and it'll all pass... in time.

With the depression,
my thoughts were very negative,

which is often the case
with depression.

Everything in the world
is seen in a negative light.

I was feeling that
I wasn't doing my job properly.

My self-esteem wasn't as high.

My confidence level had been affected.

Decision making. Where I'd normally
make decisions and stick by them,

I was questioning the decisions
I was making,

which wasn't normally
something I would do.

Sleeping was affected.

During the night I would wake up

as we call it in mental health
terminology, over certain things,

negative things.

Um, when I was in a room with people in
a meeting, I was feeling very anxious.

I was having panic attack sensations.

So then I wondered whether other people
were noticing that in...

The junior members of staff at the time,

were they realising that I was
struggling with my emotions

because of the way I was behaving?

Go into my office, closing the door and
just hoping that things would go away.

But of course they didn't go away,
they just got worse.

The point when I realised I needed help
was a meeting with my manager

and she could see I was struggling

to deal with some issue
we were talking about.

And she said, "Lol, I don't think
you're well, basically.

I think you need to seek help."

Deep down I knew that anyway,

but it probably took somebody
to say that to me.

And the manager at the time was
probably the right person to say that.

I started feeling a change probably

after about two weeks
of taking the medication.

So I then attributed that
to the medication.

I felt... With most
antidepressant medications

it takes two to three weeks
to start having a therapeutic effect.

So in my own mind, I knew that my...

I was conscious that my mood
was changing.

I was enjoying things more and
I was having less negative thoughts.

I wasn't feeling so negative
about myself and different things.

So after about two weeks
I noticed I was changing.

and things were starting to improve.

I feel I've become a stronger person
because I took time off work

and accepted what the problems were

and dealt with them
in an appropriate manner.

And now I'm more insightful
as to what keeps me well,

so I can spot the trigger signs a lot
sooner now and I'll act upon them.

If I feel I'm getting stressed now
I know what to do to act upon that.

Mental illness can happen to one in four
of the population,

so if it can happen to me, a psychiatric
nurse, it can happen to anybody.