A stillborn baby is a baby born...
weeks of pregnancy
that shows no sign of life at birth.
What we know is,
the stillbirth rate
has decreased slightly.
Currently it's about 5.2 babies die
that are delivered in the
On the Tuesday we had the scan,
which was just a regular scan,
and the chap, the sonographer, Andrew,
who was doing it, he was very good.
He quickly found out
there was no heartbeat.
And he was very professional
said, "There's no heartbeat.
I've got to find a doctor."
Then it sinks in
and next thing you know
we both realised what's happened.
tears and it's bad for us. Then
it's, how are we going to tell people?
What are we going to do?
What... What happens?
just... You're just lost.
You're just completely muddled.
Although we know
what some of the risk factors are,
really, really important never to
blame parents for their baby's death.
You know, they will blame themselves.
Most parents feel intensely
for the fact that their baby has died.
And we don't know why that baby's died,
and if we
don't know, we need to not be
making assumptions or blaming anyone.
Really, most families just need
a huge amount of support
and time to
talk about how they feel
and about their baby.
It's... I'd been so excited. And it
sounds strange, but I don't know.
he sort of...
I don't know how to say it.
He sort of
let me down in a way.
It's like, "That's not fair, you know?
carried you all this time
and you sort of let me down,
not really part of us
want anything to do with him
at all at that specific moment,
when we actually found out.
At the time, it's probably harsh,
but I just wanted to get it over with.
"Let's go home
and just move on with our lives."
That's what I thought at the time.
Most families find it
there could be
out of giving birth to a dead baby.
But over time,
couples tell me that it's something
they look back on with pride.
That they managed to do that.
your baby's dead
you don't love it any less.
So we chose
to have an induced
normal delivery, which is what we did.
Before, they said,
"Do you want to hold your son?"
back to my initial thing,
"No, I want nothing to do with him."
when she's prepped us
and Jake came out, I held my son,
one of the best things
that's ever happened to me.
(Lisa) The midwife
say that some people
choose not to spend time with the baby,
but I think
they kind of recommended it,
so we did and...
I'm so glad
that we had that time with
him. We had the whole day with him,
and he was a perfect baby.
Um... (voice trembles)
We were able to hold him...
and imagine what would have been.
It was amazing and I wouldn't
have changed that for the world.
out there in the world,
you probably cared
about it a bit less
didn't ever take a breath
or it never looked at you.
But actually if you talk to families,
that isn't how it is at all.
couples are very proud
of the baby they've had.
(Lisa) We were able
to take pictures and...
everyone got to hold him
and... he was part of our family.
Um, and we now have those memories
of him. We have the pictures of him...
Um... And it was nice because
were able to sort of be a family.
There is no right way to grieve.
People do it in their own time
and in their own way.
But if somebody is asking for help,
that they really need
more help than they're getting,
I would just encourage them
to get in touch
very many organisations now
that are around where you can get help.
We were lucky enough to have
through the Child Bereavement Charity,
helped us work out
who's at what stage,
grief is different for people
and for the sexes as well, isn't it?
So when he was down, I wasn't,
and when I was down, he wasn't,
so we were able to support each other.
I was against it, but Lisa wanted to
so we went,
the best thing that I've done,
to be honest with you,
to help me through the grief.
They gave us advice on how we'd cope
to us about other people's
pregnancies and situations.
And it really did help us through.