An orgasm is a very enjoyable release of built-up tension and energy. Orgasms are different for everyone, making them difficult to define. Some people describe the sensation as a tingle, whereas others describe explosive feelings all over the body.
When we have an orgasm, our hearts beats faster and our breathing gets quicker and heavier. Happy hormones, like endorphins and oxytocin, are pumped around the brain and body, while blood is pumped to our genitals, creating tension and ultimately muscular spasms. The grand finale is when the pelvic muscles contract.
An orgasm should not be the objective of sex. It's still possible to have great sex without an orgasm. Sure, it's fun - but intimacy, love and feeling aroused and sensual are much more important.
Some people find it difficult to reach orgasm through intercourse alone, some people can only climax through masturbation, and some never experience them at all.
Some illnesses make climax difficult, or you might find it an unhappy side effect of a particular medication. Sometimes the problem is physiological. You might have worries about your body, or think sex has to be perfect, and anything less won't do. It could be that a past trauma is affecting you, or you have problems in your current relationship. Seeing your GP, a counsellor, or sex therapist may help you overcome any issues.
Often, people find it difficult to climax because they're waiting for it to happen. The irony is, if you really focus on trying to have an orgasm, you're probably less likely to have one.
Faking an orgasm doesn't get you anywhere either. You might end up having to fake it all the time or your partner will wonder what they're doing wrong. If your partner thinks that they're satisfying you - they'll keep doing what they're doing, and never learn what really turns you on. It's far better to talk to your partner about what you like so you can orgasm for real. That way sex will be much better for the both of you.
To fine-tune your orgasmic ability, ensure you're relaxed, rested and able to concentrate on the moment. Switch off your phone and try to tune out the stresses of daily life.
Start by concentrating on your breathing - take long, deep breaths or pants to get oxygen to the tensing muscles. Don't be afraid to try out different positions until you find one that seems to work and, to both men and women, be sure to squeeze those pelvic floor muscles - pelvic floor exercises can boost arousal and make orgasms even more explosive.
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