Bullying at work

How to identify if you're being bullied at work, how to stop it and advice on getting support.

What is workplace bullying?

Bullying can involve arguments and rudeness, but it can also be more subtle. Excluding and ignoring people and their contribution, unacceptable criticisms and overloading people with work are other forms of bullying.

What effect does it have?

Bullying can make working life miserable. You lose all faith in yourself, you can feel ill and depressed, and find it hard to motivate yourself to work.

Bullying isn't always caused by people's tribal instincts, or someone picking on the weak. Sometimes a person's strengths in the workplace can make the bully feel threatened, and that triggers their behaviour.

What can I do?

Find yourself an ally. Don’t be ashamed to tell people what’s going on. Bullying is serious, and you need to let people know what’s happening so that they can help you. By sharing your experiences you may discover that it’s happening to other people too.

Get advice

Speak to someone about how you might deal with the problem informally. This person could be:

  • an employee representative, such as a trade union official
  • someone in the firm's human resources department
  • your manager or supervisor

Some employers have specially trained staff to help with bullying and harassment problems. They're sometimes called "harassment advisers". If the bullying is affecting your health, visit your GP.

Be strong

Recognise that criticism or personal remarks are not connected to your abilities. They reflect the bully's own weaknesses, and are meant to intimidate and control you. Stay calm, and don’t be tempted to explain your behaviour. Ask them to explain theirs.

Talk to the bully

The bullying may not be deliberate. If you can, talk to the person in question as they may not realise how their behaviour has affected you. Work out what to say beforehand. Describe what's been happening and why you object to it. Stay calm and be polite. If you don't want to talk to them yourself, ask someone else to do it for you.

Keep a diary

This is known as a contemporaneous record. It will be very useful if you decide to take action at a later stage. Try to talk calmly to the person who's bullying you and tell them that you find their behaviour unacceptable. Often, bullies retreat from people who stand up to them. If necessary, have an ally with you when you do this.

Make a formal complaint

Making a formal complaint is the next step if you can't solve the problem informally. To do this, you must follow your employer's grievance procedure.

What about legal action?

Sometimes the problem continues even after you've followed your employer's grievance procedure. If nothing is done to put things right, you can consider legal action, which may mean going to an employment tribunal. Get professional advice before taking this step. For more information about taking legal action, visit your nearest Citizens Advice Bureau.

It's not possible to go to an employment tribunal directly over bullying. Complaints can be made under laws covering discrimination and harassment.

Last reviewed: 12/07/2012

Next review due: 12/07/2014

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Comments are personal views. Any information they give has not been checked and may not be accurate.

nortone said on 05 April 2013

I don't know if I'm being bullied or if I just can't cope with a person with a stronger personality. All I know is that I'm unhappy.

I work on a team of 3. One member of the team is very confident and has strongly pushed themselves forward to raise their profile. I'm happy to do my job and am not a threat. However, this person constantly corrects and contradicts everything I say and do. If I work on a spreadsheet, they change it. I daren't set up a new project because this person changes dates, rooms and attendees 'for the better'. They talk over me if someone asks me a question. I'm at the point where I barely say anything at work, I just put my head down and do my work.

The person has succeeded in making me feel completely useless. I check everything I do and worry about asking this person a question or even saying anything to them for fear of getting my head bitten off. I constantly feel that we are being compared by the management and that they think I'm useless (I know this isn't true, my manager said I have very good people skills and I've always had praise for how I do my job). It's sending me paranoid!

My Dad died last year and I know he'd be saying "stand up for yourself for gods sake". He was a very strong person. I'm not. I don't like confrontation, I'm miserable and am sick of working with someone who is making me feel useless. This person is great at IT and is very conscientious. However, they have the people skills of a warthog. Why do people like this get employed on small teams???

I know it's my problem, I shouldn't give this person power over me and I know I should man up. Trouble is, I haven't got the energy.

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bsp said on 25 March 2013

I have finally begun a formal grievance against my line managers.
This is regretful, and not done with any malice.
I cannot believe that I work in the nhs and have been allowed to be so mis-managed.
Sadly although this is 'normal' practice and many of my colleagues are subjected to similar incidents as myself, I feel totally alone and have already been made to feel guilty before an unbiased investigation has taken place..
They pushed me to a breakdown and overdose in 2011 and cannot go back to that dark place.
The stress is incredible, the sleepless nights and anxiety at times unbearable but If I make someone listen before another one of my colleagues end up as I have, then perhaps it may have been worth it.
I try and remain optomistic and hope that my life will change for the better.
I empathise with all who have commented.
There is plenty of room for sensitive people in the world.
We don't all have to accept that 'the way things are' are not necessarily 'the way they should be'.
Regards and stay strong!

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zeydi said on 05 February 2013

I have just walked out of my job as a dental practice manager due to bullying. Its in dental practices where people get the most abuse because small buisnesses do not have the same bullying procedures as large companies. There is no case unless you have evidence but bullies will pick the moment when there is nobody around to abuse you. There needs to be a change in the law.

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DeborahBW said on 26 January 2013

I'm going through this at the moment, but no matter which way I turn the bullies (yes there are many, managers and staff) are constantly able to have a go at me.

To say I've had a bit of a battering would be an under-statement.

This started a fair few years ago, but became worse around 15 months ago.

I believe this started as I stated that the way the office worked was ineffective. Instead of being welcomed (and these comments were made through official lines) my comments have ensured that I've: been singled out, had rumours spread against me & had ficticious allegations levelled against me.

Other issues would identify who I am and where I work (but, looking at the examples, it seems that these unpleasant people could have used this site as a blueprint).

I'm now battling against a warning, which I don't believe should have been given out (not to me anyway).

Looking on here, it seems that there is nowhere for people to turn (and that I'm not alone).

Just thinking - it would make sense to launch a support group, but when you're going through the wringer / mangle it takes all your 'worth' to fight the 'nasties'.

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Martha W said on 16 December 2012

It would be very use full if there were some answers to to comments posted along side the comments.That would be of help to many people reading this who are unfortunatly in a very simerlar positions.

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Loxy said on 15 October 2012

Hi, I have maybe a different angle on this subjuect. I am a dental practice manager and it is me who feels like i am being bullied by a member of staff. I am unable to say anything to her with regards to any mistakes or mishaps as she completly flys off the handle at me screaming and shouting and goign down the line of im picking on her.

I try not to pull her up on everything that goes wrong but there are important issues that i just have to. If it was any of my other staff I would feel fine in telling them where they were going on, granted no one like to be told off as such and they may have a grumble behind my back but they all take it on board and make improvemnts without thinking it is picking on them.
This resulted in a situation a few weeks ago where the said menber of staff assaulted my at the practice.
Nothing has been done as they said if they persue this then she could say i pick on her. I feel like im in a play ground and am contantly walking on egg shells around her.
I feel very nervous about being around her at work for fear of her reaction. I do feel that because im in a higher position that means that my grievence will not stand but how is that fair??
What can I do??
This member of staff has a record of incidents with me another nurse and another receptionist from our sister practice yet me the nurse and the receptionist have no other record of incidendts and she is the common denominator yet I feel she is the one who is the Victim.
Any advise??

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archrocks said on 08 October 2012

I have worked at the same dental practice for 18 years. I have always enjoyed my work (although there have been tough times) but recently I hate going in. I start to dread going in on Sunday evening. It all began to be bad when we got a new practice manager. I found her fine for the first few months but since then it has gone rapidly down hill, till now I am in the situation where she only speaks to me if I speak to her and she is always nasty with it and I feel she snaps. She is fine with everyone else but has on 5 occasions now been so nasty other members of staff noticed and I was almost in tears. She even managed to make me feel really uncomfortable and criticise me at my appraisal. I have mentioned it to the dentist I work with and he did talk to her but she fudged an excuse and nothing has changed. I now feel I can't tell um again as nothing will happen and I know the other dentist will do nothing as he, his wife an the practice manager are now lose friends. I feel very backed into a corner and feel leaving may be my only choice. Everyone says confront her but I am a very quiet person and don't like confrontation. So what do I do???

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User704786 said on 14 August 2012

hi what do i do if the boss is constantly telling - well bullying me saying i am over weight saying i am making excuses constantly about what i eat or drink should they have a right too tell me what i eat and drink i eat generally good stuff any way including drink good stuff too i am only 23 i would confront the boss but every time i do when in a meeting i freeze up like if i am on a stage should i feel this way i have already lost quite a bit of weight and told the boss but its constantly she always says i need too loose another 3 pounds when i tell her how much i have lost and they keep saying i am answering back as well even though i am not just clearly stating a fact and they keep saying i am ease dropping and butting in conversations when i am not i am just doing my tasks i have been asked to do i have spoken too my careers advisor but he has done nothing more less on the bosses side . how i feel about it any ways and my friends and family said i should tell the boss but feel i cant as dont want to loose my job over it i am quite happy with other colleges i work with . as well but its just the boss

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Jimmy_at_crc said on 18 June 2012

I am having a similar problem to a few other people who have posted on here, I am getting bullied/harrased at work, constantly put down personally, and for the work I'm doing, such as, shelves not stacked correctly, and working too slow, and she moans when I get involved in a workplace convesation, and accuses me of being nosy, and constantly says 'get on with your work', when shes stnding there doing nothing, and I am working! Also, today, she accused me of workung slow again, stooped what she was doing and started to time me under pressure! My boss and his son both know about it, but no action has been taken, I am 17, and don't know where to turn, so I went online, does anyone know what I should do? Tell my doctor on my next oppointement, officially report? I really don't know, if you can help, then thank you so much!

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PhoenixxSixx said on 02 May 2012

I seem to be getting nowhere with my complaint to my boss, its always made out to be that I am a liar and one thing I am indeed not is a liar.
Everyone else is always believed because they are wrapped around the boss and supervisors little finger.
I'm a whisker away from handing in my resignation.
Funny how the NHS is meant to be a caring profession, yet they seem not to care about the health and welfare of their staff.

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fighter1983 said on 27 April 2012

Hi,
I was signed off sick for for week and my employeer is asking me to come to work for investigation about my sickness. Has she got the right to do that while im sick?

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User563804 said on 22 March 2012

I am an Occupational therapist in the NHS and I love my work. I am conscientious and dedicated with expertise in Brain injury. I have been qualified for 18 years and live for my work. Over the last 5 years I have beeb subjected to consistant bullying where a group of managers have talked about me in their lunchbreak, joked about 'smashing my face in', made a secret agreement not to answer my questions in regard to a new computer system, making gestures behind my back and many many more nasty things. Eventually, I walked out of the building and was on sick leave for 3 months. A meeting was arranged with HR but my angry manager used it to critise me stating things like 'look at the state of you, bursting out of your uniform. No wonder people don't respect you'. I was advised to complete bullying forms, then one of the bullies filled in a bullying form against me saying she felt harrassed that I had accused her of bullying. I was subjected to 3 hours of questions. 5 months later I have heard nothing from HR and the bullying continues. I have gained 2 stone in weight in 5 months and had a chest infection for 3 months. I despair. My wonderful career has died. I put a brave face on for the patients and nurses on the ward. I am considering sick leave again and seeking legal advice.

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Chester13 said on 22 March 2012

I feel I am being bullied at work, with certain colleagues saying things to the practice manager and then I find I am in the firing line. Even my appraisal which is something that is supposed to be positive was so negative and was a performance review and not an appraisal. It does not state how much effort and pride I take in my work but mentions some mistakes I have been making and the fact that I am distracted by other staff talking, which is something that I should not do as I should be silent whilst everyone else around me has a conversation. I have been there for nearly a year and this is my first appraisal and a shock to my system, to find out that in their eyes I am not up to the level of another full time worker who has been there for years. I feel demotivated and hurt. The NHS is supposed to be caring, is it?

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wonderful2 said on 24 February 2012

I was meant to graduate this March, 2012 but unfortunately I did my placement where mentors are bunch of bullies even the ward manager is aware of that and she seem to be nonchalant of that.
My mentors lied so many false accusatiions to me in the name of feedback , they refused to teach me anything by intimidating me in front of doctors, their colleagues and healthcare assistants and patients.

My mentor who is a ward sister lacks confidence to teach but rather she will give difficult patients and she will take the light ones and sometimes she will be doing her online programme. This mentor is very unprofessional because she shouts at me when i ask her a simple question. There was a case a doctor prescribed Hartman for a patient who is hypotensive but she refused to set it up but rather she told me to encourage the patient to drink water. Though there were two healthcare assistants on duty, she denied me my break . She made my life hell and I was having series of headache and I was very stressful .

NHS does not need bunch of bullies like these because the main priority is patient`s safety and not bunch of bullies who enjoy intimidating junior staff and students. I have found out that nurses who qualify 20years ago find it difficult to update their knowledge but rather argues when a student nurse tries to correct them which is very very wrong. Nursing is a cointinuous process and we should learn from each other anf not competing amongst ourselves. I tried to get support from school but unfortunately they were nonchalant. I am very verry grateful that nursing in UK is mainly Degree course because all theses archaic nurses find it difficult to sign off a degree student but rather they will not teach you any skill because of petty jealousy. Nurses especially the ones from abroad need to update their knowledge so that they do not feel threatened by student nurses.

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bluesandtwos said on 04 December 2011

Kevaine - If you have not already done so, you must report the harassment you are experiencing - especially the emails - to the police. What is happening to you is illegal.

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Rburn said on 27 July 2011

continued from below-->

and a week or so later the forman said to me , (we know its you who told him) well it wasnt me , i know who it was but thats beside the point and it never should have been said .

i really dont know what i should do next , i seem to be losing my short term memory so its hard to remember what incidents have happened , and im so tired or have a headache i think if i did go to see the boss i wouldnt be able to say anything meaningfull . i used to feel like i could do any job i wanted . . now i feel like im hardly any good at anything. , i have tried so many times to be ok with that guy but he always causes friction again by calling me something or saying something hurtfull

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Rburn said on 27 July 2011

I believe i am being bullied at work but i need someone else to confirm it because i really dont know what is normal anymore.. i am constantly critisised in my work in almost every aspect by one guy at our work . who is the workshop manager . he does it openly and often includes swearing and namecalling ., last week he told me my job had taken 30 hours longer than it should have and produced proof of it . yet when i asked 2 other employees they said they had also done the same job in about the same time as me . he also will make derogitory jokes about me with other workers there in order it seems to try gain allies in degrading me . he has been the same since i started there , its been going on for nearly 3 years. he has shouted and swore at me accross the workshop infront of everyone , most of the things he critisizes me about he never says to anyone else. . for example , when testing one of my jobs he will nit pick every single fault and write it down in order to show just how many mistakes i have made . with other workers he would just mention it to them so they have a chance to put it right.. i started to lay awake at night on work nights . never on the weekend . ive had splitting headaches that last weeks even when going to sleep and still there when waking up i actually feel like i could cry but am not able to release it.. my shoulders ache. i feel exhausted most days . our company is small and i dont know that we have any grievence procedure , plus the guy who im talking about is good friends with the boss and they always back each other up.. for example. a couple of months ago our foreman made a comment about another worker just after he left . he called him a fat lazy b*stard.. , another worker heard it and told him what had been said.. the foreman denied it. the guy who is bullying me backed him up saying he had never heard it and made the comment that (somebody is sh*t stirring out there in the workshop) , and nothing else got done .

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JoPilkington said on 14 July 2011

A lot of people are commenting here asking for advice. Can I direct you to my blog where I've written a guide on how to cope with bullying? I've written in quite general terms, but if you still need more advice, you can email me:

http://yourethedeepestperson.blogspot.com/2011/07/how-to-cope-with-adult-bullies-and.html

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toogoodforthem said on 10 July 2011

I'm so sad to read about these comments. I was bulllied for years in one particular hospital i worked in. One year when the tanker strike was on , one of my managers tried to avoid giving my a petol station to obtain fuel to get to work! I was sent to Occ health one year because I was supposed to be making loads of mistakes but on my referral the doctor near enough laughed and commented they were mistakes everyone made and basically commented it was "poppycock" ?? I was overbooked constantly over the amount I could achieve. I was blocked from furthering myself. I could list a long line of deliberate "nastiness" including lots of lies about my physical and mental health. I was harrassed when I was having fertility testing and sadly getting divorced.As soon as I got another job it was if I died and gone to heaven. A normal workload, normal nice colleagues and chance to do my work without hassle. Consequently I progressed and expanded in what I did as a profession and my sress levels disappeared!
I now work on a self employed basis working agency and for a private company and never been happier. It was obvious these "bullies" were very unhappy near phsychos who had to take their insecurities out on the lowesr common denominator. Bullies are very insecure and people who write on this website please remember this. They always have some "axe" to grind to the point they hurt nice people like me and you who dont deserve it. Dont give in to these horrible people I know how hard it is. If leaving to move to another job is an option do it but have an exit interview when you have another job with both HR and Occ health so the hospital know who the culprits are. Sometimes one person cant sort these types of people out.
Good luck everyone you can solve it even if it does mean walking away. Sometimes you have to.

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HoangHac said on 22 June 2011

I feel very sad reading the comments above. Obviously, if people can find support in their workplace then they wouldn't need to ask for help here.

I don't have much experience dealing with bullying, but I can imagine it can have detrimental effect on one's life. I guess the question that everyone will ask is how do you go on to prove you are being bullied, because I guess these things are quite hard to be proven. Has anyone had success after confronting the issues with the bully and if so please share your experience to help others in the future.

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kevaine said on 18 March 2011

Nobody should have to experience unpleasantness in the workplace. We all have human rights, and it seems that some employers believe that they can get away with infringing them.

it's sad to see so many of the comments come from the healthcare sector - i've spotted comments from at least 2 nurses, and a dental nurse. This is shocking. Caring professions are meant to care!

I was bullied by a social services department. It dragged on for almost 4 years, making my life hell. I qualified as a social worker to try and help support people, but now I feel that I was in the firing line to receive criticism, an overloaded case-list, and absolutely no assistance or support off management.

it seems often that management are the cause of the bullying issue. They seem to feel that they can intimidate to control staff. My issues started when I reported a lack of basic facilities (I never even had a desk or computer!), and whistleblew on a manager who was breaching patient confidentiality by accessing patient notes without express consent. The matter was never resolved. This manager simply resigned, and nothing at all changed.

I then had family problems - 3 bereavements, and my own serious illness. I saw occupational health, who recommended support, but this was never implemented. I have a long term health problem, and my employers constantly disciplined me for sickness and for needing to attend appointments. I felt that I had no support for my own health, or for my family crisis. I ended up feeling sick at the thought of work, and became stressed. Depression and ptsd were finally diagnosed, but my employer then accused me of being "mental" because I sought counselling.

the matter is now going to tribunal, but I still feel unsupported. My employers are using the tribunal process and their solicitor to continue to harrass me, and to demand I drop the case. They have even sent threats by e-mail to my home. I feel nauseous, my career is wrecked. What can I do?

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JCR21 said on 16 March 2011

Dear mealone,
I hope you've found the support you were looking for from the RCN and that the information NHS Choices sent to you was useful. You may also find the Andrea Adams Trust and Bullying UK (links at the top of the page) can provide you with advice and support to help you through what is obviously a tremendously distressing time.
John, NHS Choices

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mealone said on 11 February 2011

i am an overseas nurse who have been bullied for many years. i asked for help from my line manager, but no effect. it continues constantly. i kept to myself , because i need this job to take care of my family. i even want to kill myself, i bought life insurance, organist my two children's care, wrote last letter to my husband and my kids. i am mentally dead. even anti-depression not helping any more. it's my friends support, asking me to take legal action, i phoned RCN for help, i am waiting how the result will be.

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cbonhs said on 14 December 2010

i cant beleive that there aren't more people commenting on this, i have a colleague who is known as a bully and the boss knows she is and i told the boss i dont agree with her behaviour. She said "oh yes everyone that is new doesn;t like her"!! I know of one colleague that says she is a bully and doesnt talk to her. I have confronted the bully--- as in answered her back --- her rude and unprofessional comments are unacceptable and i cant believe she is allowed to get away with this,. I will report her as I beleive that someone like her is not needed in the NHS!

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ZahraLou said on 06 August 2010

I have worked for the NHS for 15 years and unfortunatley this year changed Trusts and started working within a department which was known to have problems with managment and consultants. Being experienced I stood up to these problems, which unfortunately affected my health dramatically. I have now been off sick for six months with stress. I am very tearful, shakey and feel that my career is finished. I do not now have the confidence to continue with my career and have and still do suffer nightmares, increase in night time seizures and sleep walking. The stess caused by this Trust has made me ill. I am awaiting Tribunal dates/hearing, but can honestly say that the grievance procedure was followd by myself, but not The Trust concerned, if anything they have bullied me via their solicitors and their represenatives. I am blessed with the support of my family and friends, but have suffered times whereby I question myself, did I do wrong, even though I no I didn't. Stress is a horrible illness, you cannot see it, but effects are dramatic. I am trying to keep myself going, I do aqua aerobics x 2 weekly and socialise, but it is difficult.

My advice to anyone in a similar position, is stand your ground, get advice, exercise, but stay strong.

NHS Injuries are now involved in my case and I have had some support from the NHS, but my very strong view is that it is the managment that is at fault and it should be addressed, but it won't be, apparently my many predicessors have either left The Trust or moved departments, but the problems persist. I personally am still suffering and see a pyschologists. I feel let down by the NHS, as a colleague at least.

Anonymous

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felipebarca said on 19 May 2009

My fears about false accusation have been surpassed by the manager of the practice who attempts to damage my CV, my reputation and my opportunity to work in other position. Please tell me where and who do I need to address to report on this situation.

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felipebarca said on 28 February 2009

I'm working for a year at a dental practice Newcastle-Under-Lyme. Since I've started working in this practice I've suffered bullying from the manager in the form of verbal attacks, constant criticism, accusations and insults, in front of coworkers. I've been having high levels of stress that finally lead me to leave the practice. As I have an agreement I have to stay for three months since I noticed my resignment., but things are getting worse every day, and I'm afraid they involve me into false accusations that damage my CV. What can I do? Who can I address? Can I leave the practice right now?

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Anonymous said on 04 August 2008

What do you do if its the Managing Director that is bullying and humiliating you?

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