1. Morning sickness doesn’t just happen in the morning
It can last all day and all night, for a couple of months, or for eight-and-a-half months. Most women feel better by 14 weeks. Until then, offer support and sympathy, as well as supplies of any of the foods she can keep down.
2. Make it to the antenatal tests
Pregnant women might have lots of tests and scans, including ultrasound scans to check the baby's development. These can cause anxiety, so go with her if you can.
3. 'I'm not ready to be a dad!'
If you find yourself panicking, just remember that nobody feels 100% confident about being ready to be a dad, or about the process that's just started, even if they really want a baby. There's lots of support if you need it (see Useful links).
4. Having sex won't hurt the baby
Sex during pregnancy is safe, as long as the doctor or midwife hasn't advised against it. Your sex life will change, though: some men and women find pregnancy a really sexy time, and some go off sex completely. If you're not having sex, you can still be affectionate in other ways, such as hugs.
5. Don't believe the due date
Only 5% of women have their baby on the due date (which is always an estimate). In the last month, it could happen at any time, so make sure that your mobile phone is working, and don't have too much to drink.
6. If you have a car, buy a baby seat
Many local councils and some retailers have car-seat checking services. Make sure you:
- Put the baby seat in the back if you have air bags in the front passenger seat.
- Follow the instructions very closely.
- Practise fitting it in. It should feel secure and firm.
- Don't buy a second-hand car seat. It may have been in an accident, and may not be as safe as it should be.
- Don't leave it until the last minute to buy.
7. Three birth-related words you should know:
- Epidural.
This is an anaesthetic that's injected into the mother's spine to prevent her from feeling the contractions.
- Episiotomy.
This is when, during labour, a cut is made at the entrance of the vagina to make it easier for the baby's head to come out. The cut is stitched up after the birth. Sometimes women may tear naturally when the baby comes out. This will be stitched up, too.
- Caesarean.
This is when the baby is taken out of the womb in a surgical operation. It can be done as an emergency operation if the baby needs to come out very quickly, or it can be planned in advance. It's very quick, but the mother will need more time to recover. For example, she won't be able to drive for six weeks. Watch a video about caesarean delivery.
8. You don't have to be at the birth...
...but you should seriously consider it if she wants you there. Some partners feel very anxious about being there for the birth. If it's worrying you, talk to your partner and midwife about it. The midwife will be able to let you know if there are antenatal classes for dads or birthing workshops in your area. Don't wait until you're in the delivery room before talking about it.
9. Breastfeeding is great
If you're feeling squeamish about breastfeeding, don't. Breast milk is superfood for babies. It helps protect your baby against illness (breastfed babies have fewer tummy upsets, chest, ear and urine infections, eczema and wheezing), provides all the nutrition your baby needs, is easy to digest, and contains hormones that help your baby's development.
It can take time and practice for a new mum and baby to learn how to breastfeed, so be as supportive as you can. Mums can get thirsty when breastfeeding, so be ready to bring her water or juice. Midwives and health visitors can answer any questions about feeding or any other matter.
10. Be gentle
Your baby might feel so tiny and delicate that you're afraid of breaking him or her. But if you're gentle and know which bits need support, you'll both be fine. Here's how to pick up a baby from someone else, or if the baby is lying down:
- Slide one hand under the baby's head, neck and shoulders, the other under his bottom and lower back.
- Once you feel secure, lift the baby up against your tummy.
- Slide the hand at the baby's head down, so that the head is in the crook of your arm and your lower arm is supporting the baby's back, bottom and legs.
- Use your other arm for extra support if you want to.
- Do this over a soft surface until you feel confident.
11. If you're worried about your baby's health, get advice
You can call NHS Direct on 0845 4647, see your GP or, if it's serious, call 999. When babies are ill, they can get worse quickly, so don't delay.
Help and support for parents
The following organisations can offer help and support for new parents:
- Cry-sis (0845 122 8669). For parents whose babies cry a lot and have sleeping problems.
- www.dad.info (0845 634 1328). Information on fatherhood.
- Home-Start (0800 068 6368). Support and practical help for families with children under five years old.
