Good sex
Worries about embarrassing leaks during sex can mean you avoid intimate contact, which puts strain on relationships and damages your self-esteem and self-confidence. There’s no reason why anyone with bladder or bowel weakness can't enjoy intimate relationships.
If you empty your bladder and bowel and don’t drink too much before having sex, any leak probably won't be serious. Sex involves all sorts of bodily fluids so a small leak won't cause a problem, and probably won’t even be noticed.
It can give you peace of mind to protect the bed. Bed pads, which absorb moisture and have a stay-dry cover, may be the most comfortable way.
For a free factsheet on bedding and chair protection, call the Bladder and Bowel Foundation (B&BF) on 01536 533 255.
Out and about
People with incontinence can worry so much about needing the toilet, even on quick trips to the local shops, that they become virtually housebound.
B&BF can provide a 'Just can't wait' toilet card'. You can show this card when asking to use the toilet at a shop, restaurant or other UK business. It doesn't guarantee access to their toilets (as every business has different health and safety rules), but it proves you have a genuine medical condition that requires the urgent use of a toilet. Most places will try to help you.
Call the B&BF on 01536 533 255 to get a card. or download the application form.
You can also get a key from the disability network RADAR that allows you to use disabled toilets around the country under the National Key Scheme.
Skincare and hygiene
Constant dampness can make your skin irritated, but you can avoid this by following a simple routine.
Wash using a cotton cloth or disposable wipes (flannels and sponges can be too harsh). Use products that cleanse without drying. These are available as non-aerosol sprays, foams and disposable wipes. Don't use soap and baby wipes as they make the skin dry. Baby wipes also often contain alcohol, which can irritate.
After cleansing, always moisturise and use a barrier cream. This forms a protective layer to block out unwanted moisture.
Going on holiday
Incontinence shouldn’t stop you going on holiday or staying with friends. The key is to plan ahead.
Take enough of all the products you use with you. If you intend to do your own laundry, find out where you can wash and dry items in private if necessary. A portable washing line and pegs can be useful. Take a small bag containing your clean-up kit with you. This could contain a change of clothes, pads, handwash, wet wipes and plastic bags.
If you’re flying, pre-book an aisle seat near the toilet and wear loose-fitting clothes as they’re more comfortable and make changing easier.
While you're away, use a disabled toilet as there will be a washbasin and more room to change your clothes.
Finally, pack a deodorising spray, which will remove odours rather than just masking them.
Read the B&BF's information on travelling with confidence.
Emotional wellbeing
Incontinence can affect you mentally as well as physically. The negative effect on your self-esteem, dignity and independence can lead to isolation, distress and depression. According to continence nurses, as many as 70% of people with incontinence are affected by depressive illnesses.
"This condition really damages a person’s body image," says continence adviser Karen Logan. "People feel their body has let them down."
It helps to talk to people you trust, so tell your friends and family how you're feeling. If you'd rather speak to someone else, call B&BF’s helpline on 0845 345 0165 for a sympathetic chat and general advice.
