Emotions are an important part of being human. They help us to protect what’s important to us. If something or someone threatens our happiness or wellbeing, we feel uncomfortable emotions such as anger, sadness or fear. When we experience something that enhances our situation, we feel emotions such as joy, satisfaction or a sense of achievement.
The way we’re brought up and our culture have a great influence on how we feel. They help us to form ideas and decide what we care about.
“We are all products of our experiences and our relationships,” explains clinical psychologist Isabel Clarke. “From childhood we build up our emotional understanding based on the relationships we have with other people.”
Why do my emotions sometimes take over?
Everyone deals with situations in life differently. What may seem unimportant to your closest friend might be upsetting to you.
For most people life is full of ups and downs, and sometimes the ‘downs’ can take their toll on you. Or you might experience something upsetting, such as a relationship break-up or losing someone you love.
Sometimes your self-esteem (the way you feel about yourself) can become so low that everything seems a lot harder to cope with compared with when you're feeling confident.
You can have low self-esteem for lots of reasons, for example, if you’re in an unhappy relationship, you feel unattractive or felt unloved as a child.
Our hormones can also influence our emotions, particularly at times of major physical changes in life, such as puberty, pregnancy and menopause.
When to seek help
Being emotionally healthy doesn't mean that you feel happy all the time. That is impossible. Good emotional health is about having lots of different emotions, and being able to accept them and talk about them.
Signs that you’re not coping well emotionally might include having a lack of self-confidence, having trouble with relationships or feeling unhappy a lot of the time.
If you’re not coping well emotionally, there are things that you can do to feel stronger. You may simply be going through a temporary phase in your life that will resolve itself. But if you want to make changes, go to Build up your emotional resilience for practical tips.
Do I need professional help?
At some point in their lives, many people have difficult emotions that persist and get worse. If you think this is happening to you, see your GP. They will discuss how you’re feeling and advise you on what to do about it.
There are many types of counselling and therapy available. They all aim to help you deal with your emotions. Your GP can help you decide what type is right for you.
You may have been dealing with difficult emotions for a long time before you see a doctor or you may feel very low. Sometimes this can lead to other problems, which your GP can help you deal with.
Clarke explains that unmanageable emotions can sometimes lead to health problems, such as depression, anxiety or eating disorders, or to unhealthy ways of coping, such as drinking excessive alcohol or self-harming.
Be honest with your GP so that they can make a diagnosis and discuss the best treatment choices for you. There are a number of options. These include talking therapies, such as seeing a counsellor or psychotherapist, and medication such as antidepressants.
