Pregnancy and baby

Problems getting pregnant

If you have fertility problems, you may be struggling with many difficult feelings. Complex and often painful emotions are common for people with fertility problems, those who can't have children and those having fertility treatment.

"People can feel fear, anger and guilt," says Clare Brown, chief executive of Infertility Network UK, an infertility support network. "They can feel as though they've failed. People talk about feeling less of a woman, or less of a man. Depression and anxiety are common. Fertility treatment can be an intensely stressful experience. Most of us never imagine experiencing problems with having a child. When it happens, it’s a terrible shock."

For those whose fertility problems prevent them from having children, there can be a sense of loss or grief. Brown says: "It’s almost a kind of bereavement for the child that this person expected to have. We can build our future around a plan to have children, and suddenly it's taken away.”

Not all people who experience fertility problems feel this way. The 1.5 million people affected by fertility problems have all kinds of responses, says Brown. But for those who find themselves tackling difficult emotions, there is help. has videos of women talking about their experiences of infertility and assisted conception.

Find support

People with fertility problems may find it useful to talk to family and friends about the way they feel. For some, however, this isn’t an option. They may not want to share their problem with people who are close to them.

"We hear quite often that family and friends find it hard to empathise with fertility problems," says Brown. "They can often say unhelpful things, such as, 'Just relax and you’ll get pregnant'. Well, sometimes that just isn’t true."

Many people find that talking to other people in a similar situation is the most beneficial form of support, says Brown. Infertility UK helps people with fertility problems contact one another to share their experiences.

"People can log on to our website and talk in the forums anonymously," she says. "We also run face-to-face support groups. They can both do an enormous amount to remove the feeling of isolation." There's also a telephone helpline staffed by volunteers to provide information, support and understanding.

Another useful support group is Fertility Friends.

You can also find out more about getting counselling or therapy.  

Support during fertility treatment

It's common to feel stressed when undergoing fertility treatment. Some people find their feelings become more difficult, and they may experience depression or anxiety. Fertility clinics have to offer counselling to all patients and should offer it before, during and after treatment.

"Couples and women shouldn’t be reserved about coming forward to see the counsellor," says Brown. "Asking for the counsellor doesn’t mean you’re not coping. It’s perfectly normal to want a chance to talk, or seek information."

If you’re dealing with fertility problems and are experiencing feelings that make it difficult to continue with your daily life, you can go to your GP or fertility clinic for help.

Your GP can talk to you about the help that’s available, which could include talking therapies, lifestyle changes or medicines. You can find out more about fertility tests.

Page last reviewed: 30/09/2014

Next review due: 30/09/2016


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The 15 comments posted are personal views. Any information they give has not been checked and may not be accurate.

chirpy1 said on 06 May 2015

I'm surprised at the woeful lack of information here

Where is the simple fertility advice about diet, rest, alcohol, sexual intercourse,frequentcy, position etc.

How am I to know how long to wait before seeking advice?

I am 46, I have a child who is 5, I've had a missed miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy in the last year. Its been 3 months since my chemical pregnancy.

The stenographer told me that 50% of pregnancies in my age group result in miscarriage.

What should I do?

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Claire4350 said on 24 June 2014

I need a little help and advice. I had my fallopian tubes removed 6 years ago and I need to know whether IVF is my only option of having another baby or whether there are other fertility treatments that are available.

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xhelzx said on 16 June 2014

Hi im 26 and suffered with adominal pain since I was 16. Went for tests then and was told I had pcos. I have been complaining to my doctors since then of more pain. This year I had my first visit to the gynecologicgist where he told me pain had nothing to do with pcos. Three months later went back had another ultrasound (had one every 2years) then he informd me that I dont have pcos and my tubes are closed. I am absolutely deviistated dont know what to do now. Really want kids but nowknow will never be able to. How did they miss it for so long and miss diagnos it constantly.

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dorotkafe27 said on 29 January 2014

hello. I'm 27 years old and two years trying to have a baby with her husband. unfortunately to no avail. My husband already has one child, so I think it probably is not him problem. 3 months ago period I was late. I was making a pregnancy test but I was not pregnant now also have the case that the period of my week late. unfortunately does not speak the language and I do not who go to the doctor. I say in the Polish language. please advice.

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ljg said on 04 January 2014

Dear Messy Betsy, i am really sorry about what you are going through and can sympethise, i met my partner when i was 34 and we are having problems. have you been back to your doctor? i think that the age for ivf has gone upto 42. ask them to refer you again. i hope they can help you!

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Honey Hannah said on 11 October 2013

Messy Betsy, why wouldn't you consider the possibility to use the services of the "third world" medical center. I investigated this thing and we are choosing between India and Ukraine. It's much more cheaper.

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Honey Hannah said on 10 October 2013

Sharing our worries really helps. My husband and I have faced the infertility issue. But we don't lose hope and keep trying. But sometimes I need to feel, that I'm not alone on this way.

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Messy Betsy said on 18 September 2013

Me and my husband are both 40, we met at 36 and have been trying for a baby for the last 3 years. My doctor referred us to the fertility clinic just after I turned 40. They have got back to me and said I do not meet the criteria for an investigation because I am over 39. I understand they have their criteria for a reason but I have searched high and low on this website for what to do next....and there is nothing! Is that it! Is that the end of the road for us? We have no money to go private and without an investigation we don't even know if there is a problem and weather it can be solved. I feel like an old hag put out to graze and I can't stop crying.

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babyporter24 said on 02 September 2013

hi everyone
i need some help i feel i aint got no where to turn at the moment i am 24 years old i got married on the 5th june 2012 everything was going so well me and my husband were happy came off honeymoon and got our flat then in november 2012 i nearly lost my mum she was in intensive care fighting for her life her spleen ruptured and she had meckel divertium then in december i got told that i have polocystric ovaries im just worried that i might not be able to have children my husband been an amazing support for me but im worried that im a failure because i cant conceive i cant seem to get my head around everything that happened im on anti depressants i just need some advice.

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Ames123 said on 29 July 2013

Hi everyone, I've been going out of my mind the past few days with worry so just decided I would post here to try to get some advice off any women who have been through situation as me.
I had a d&c on 29th April due to our baby having cystic hygroma at 13 weeks and docs spraying there was only 12 % chance of survival for the bab.
I went back onto my pill 2 weeks after d&c but had no period in between packs (microgynon) and have since finished 2 packs and had no period at all, just browny reddy discharge (sorry!)
I went to my gp and she suggested to come off pill completely which I have done and still had no period and that was three weeks ago. I have had Blood test and my hormones are normal and pregnancy test is negative.
Gp has referred me for an ultra sound scan/testing but I am worried that there are severe scras or adhesions in my uterus form d&c and that it why the blood cannot escape, as I have been informed that this is a condition called ashermans syndrome where the blood cannot escape due to thick scarring and so is re absorbed back into Fallopian tubes and can ultimately leave you infertile.? After everything I've been through I just want to try again and I am absolutely terrified I have got this thing and I am going to be left infertile.
Does anyone have any similar expertise and would anyone say I should be panicking if not having bleed after the two packs of pill?
I am finding it so hard to sleep or get on with things with this hanging over me, and to make it worse i have had pains on and off for past week in pelvis area. Doctor has made referral as an urgent one.
Please help, Amy x

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lilttle_baba88 said on 29 April 2013

Hi can anyone help me. I miscarried at Christmas, it took me 11 weeks for my period to return. Me and my husband started trying for a baby again. I got my ovulation dates right. i experienced period pains when I was due on. But i never came on. I was 5 days late and i got a negative test. I called my doctor and all he told me was to wait really felt they were taking me seriously. Last Wednesday i finally got them to take a urine sample from me. First of all they lost my sample so i had to do another one. It came back today negative but i am 19 days late. I have been feeling sick in a morning and feeling very tired half way through the day. I experienced this when i was pregnant last year. My doctor has agreed to do blood test. Has anyone been through the same?? Just going though a really tough upsetting time. All i want to do it find out whats going on

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kay88 said on 28 April 2013

I'm not sure If the depo injection has affected my fertility, I was on it for about 8 years. My last depo shot ran out in October 2011, my periods returned in May 2012 and have been as regular as clockwork since, but a year on and I still have not fallen pregnant?

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Raknton said on 26 March 2013

Hi I've been with my partner 15months now and we have been tryin for a baby but I just can't seem to conceive he has ibs I was wondering is tha maybe the reason why or is there a problem with me how do I go bout gettin tested to see if I can have children as I'm really concerned could you wright back please

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anonymous1999 said on 18 March 2013

i was meant to be on my period 14th march, i am 4 days late but today i started bleeding, i am never late for my periods and i have had pregnancy symptoms but just find it weird how im late for my period but bleeding today, could this be implantation or is it just a normal period?

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meghansh said on 22 July 2012

Hi Everyone

I am not able to come to one conclusion, where I am pregnant or not ?

I got married on Oct 2008 on December 2008 I got conceived but in Jan I got miscarriage. Later I got a chemical pregnancy and after that I meet with an accident and we did not tried for kind after that. But on Aug 2010 we thought of planning for kinds but I had some medical issues. And my doctor suggested going for laparoscopy.

I had my laparoscopy on March 5th 2012 and after that I did not get my periods but on May 14th 2012 I got my periods which was for 7days. After that I got my next period on 14th June 2012. On July 14th 2012 I did not get my periods I have waited for two days and thought of doing home pregnancy test but the test came negative. On 18th July 2012 I have sight bleeding, it was not as my regular period, I was worried up and we have visited to a gynecologist near by to my house (As my gynecologist was out of station) and she has scanned and said that I am not pregnant and said me to go for a blood test for my LHS and FSH, but we did not visited again. The bleeding was till half day of 19th July (next day). There it has stopped But I have lower back pain, my breast are so soft which I never had. I feel my body is heated up very much and I am too much hungry these days too.

On July 20th 2012 I had a white thick color thing coming from my private part. I am not understanding what happen to me.

1. I am I pregnant or not ?
2. If I am pregnant when is the ideal time to do the home pregnancy test ?
3. If I am pregnant when is the ideal time to visit my Gynecologist ?

Please replay me ….:-(

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