Talking and listening
The best thing you can do if you think someone may be feeling suicidal is probably to encourage them to talk about their feelings and to listen to what they say.
Listen
Talking about someone’s problems is not always easy, but you do not have to try to provide a solution to their problems. The most important thing is to listen to what they say to let them know you care.
Do not judge
It is also important to avoid making judgements about how they are thinking and behaving. You may feel that certain aspects of their thinking and behaviour are making their problems worse. For example, they may be drinking too much alcohol. However, pointing this out now will not help them.
Empathise
It is important to empathise with the person, rather than just sympathising with them. There is an important difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy is saying, "I understand how you feel" or "Oh, it’s awful." Empathy is saying, "I can see that you are not feeling great."
As one expert put it, empathy is recognising how a person feels but not taking ownership of their problem or making a judgement.
Asking questions
Asking questions can be a useful way of letting a person remain in control but allowing them to talk about how they are feeling. Do not try to influence what the person says, but give them the opportunity to talk honestly and openly.
What not to say
Do not ask direct questions because these can often make the person feel threatened. Examples of direct questions include:
- Why did you do that?
- What are you planning to do now?
Avoid statements that could possibly end the conversation, such as:
- I know how you feel.
- Try not to worry about it.
What to say
Try to make your questions as open-ended as possible. Examples include:
- When did you realise?
- Where did that happen?
- What else happened?
- How did that feel?
- What were you thinking at the time?
Looking after yourself
Helping a friend or relative who is feeling suicidal can be very distressing, worrying and stressful. It can have an impact on your own mental health and emotional wellbeing.
You may find it useful to discuss your concerns and feelings with another friend. If you prefer to keep the matter confidential, you can call Samaritans for advice and support on 08457 90 90 90.
Getting professional help
If someone has been feeling low for some time, it is a good idea for them to get support, either by talking to a counsellor or getting practical help with their problems.
See Suicide - getting help for more information about support groups and available treatment options.
