Clinical depression - Symptoms 

Symptoms of clinical depression 

When to seek help

If you experience  symptoms of depression for most of the day, every day for more than two weeks, you should seek help from your GP.

A low mood may improve after a short time. Read more information about low mood and depression.

The symptoms of depression can be complex and vary widely between people. But as a general rule, if you are depressed, you feel sad, hopeless and lose interest in things you used to enjoy.

The symptoms persist for weeks or months and are bad enough to interfere with your work, social life and family life.

There are many other symptoms of depression and you're unlikely to have every one listed below.

If you experience some of these symptoms for most of the day, every day for more than two weeks, you should seek help from your GP.

Psychological symptoms include:

  • continuous low mood or sadness
  • feeling hopeless and helpless
  • having low self-esteem 
  • feeling tearful
  • feeling guilt-ridden
  • feeling irritable and intolerant of others 
  • having no motivation or interest in things
  • finding it difficult to make decisions
  • not getting any enjoyment out of life
  • feeling anxious or worried 
  • having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself

Physical symptoms include:

  • moving or speaking more slowly than usual 
  • change in appetite or weight (usually decreased, but sometimes increased) 
  • constipation 
  • unexplained aches and pains
  • lack of energy or lack of interest in sex (loss of libido)
  • changes to your menstrual cycle
  • disturbed sleep (for example, finding it hard to fall asleep at night or waking up very early in the morning)

Social symptoms include:

  • not doing well at work
  • taking part in fewer social activities and avoiding contact with friends
  • neglecting your hobbies and interests
  • having difficulties in your home and family life

Depression can come on gradually, so it can be difficult to notice something is wrong. Many people continue to try to cope with their symptoms without realising they are ill. It can take a friend or family member to suggest something is wrong.

Doctors describe depression by how serious it is:

  • mild depression has some impact on your daily life
  • moderate depression has a significant impact on your daily life
  • severe depression makes it almost impossible to get through daily life  a few people with severe depression may have psychotic symptoms

Grief and depression

It can be hard to distinguish between grief and depression. They share many of the same characteristics, but there are important differences between them.

Grief is an entirely natural response to a loss, while depression is an illness.

People who are grieving find their feelings of loss and sadness come and go, but they're still able to enjoy things and look forward to the future.

In contrast, people who are depressed have a constant feeling of sadness. They don't enjoy anything and find it hard to be positive about the future.

Read more about grief and how it differs from depression.

Other types of depression

There are different types of depression, and some conditions where depression may be one of the symptoms. These include:

  • Postnatal depression. Some women develop depression after having a baby. Postnatal depression is treated in similar ways to other forms of depression, with talking therapies and antidepressant medicines.
  • Bipolar disorder is also known as "manic depression". It's where there are spells of depression and excessively high mood (mania). The depression symptoms are similar to clinical depression, but the bouts of mania can include harmful behaviour such as gambling, going on spending sprees and having unsafe sex. 
  • Seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Also known as "winter depression", SAD is a type of depression that has a seasonal pattern usually related to winter.

Read more about diagnosing depression.

Page last reviewed: 19/08/2014

Next review due: 19/08/2016

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The 179 comments posted are personal views. Any information they give has not been checked and may not be accurate.

Mariposa_Sofia said on 09 October 2014

I am not sure whether I have depression or not and I am too embarassed to go to the GP.
My moods pretty much went downhill at 13, after being beaten up quite harshly by my parents. I have the tendency of withdrawing myself from people outside and at home, which makes it worse since I work as receptionist and I have always struggled to find a job. I always try to avoid social activities. I never have a positive thought of myself, my future and anything that surrounds me. I have no confidence whatsoever and a low self esteem. I used to be a self harmer for roughly 4 years. I am 21 now....I have lost pleasure in all the things I like to do and I am struggling to get the motivation back. I feel like I am helpless, I will be stuck in this kind of mood forever

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M Keyes said on 30 September 2014

I wonder if anyone would be able to help me please, Since I met my partner over a year ago his behaviour as changed he has always had a low opinion of himself ,very low esteem but over time this is becoming worrying . one minute he's very loving but within minutes he can be horrible and change a bit like a Jekyll and hide sort of person .i do wonder if he his suffering with some sort of depression . He doesn't sleep very well, he always looks on the dark side of life .i love him dearly but this is tearing me apart.
Symptons he seems to have are ie..
Low esteem
Doesn't sleep very well
Mood swings( crying/ angry)
He says he feels worthless
Changes jobs on a regular basis
Has a very high sex drive.
He his also paranoid
I truly hope someone could advise me please, Thankyou.

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Ariebellah said on 13 August 2014

I have a lot of these symptoms, mainly the mental symptoms but also a few of the social and physical ones. I'm in my very late teens, last year a close family member got diagnosed with a critical organ condition and another has had emergency surgery. After a lot of stressed added to my studies, social life, work and driving I'm finding it hard to determine whether I have depression or grief. I sometimes find it hard to look forward to the near future but still remain optimistic about growing up and new experiences. Is it possible for me to be depressed but have positive thoughts, and I'm quite straight forward with my feelings except for the fact that sometimes I have uncontrollable dark spells where I feel helpless, alone and sometimes want to harm myself, although I never have. This leads me to think I have grief as I'm able to get through the dark spells, but can I have grief even though I haven't physically lost somebody? All advice would be helpful as I feel I'll be judged if others can't relate

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gr90 said on 27 May 2014

ive basically felt like this my whole life but plucking up the courage to go see a gp next week

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Rae97 said on 15 May 2014

I'm not sure how to write this exactly, but I'll attempt.
I've had the notion that I have depression since a few years ago. From 15 to now, the age of 17.
The thing is, I'm assuming most teenagers experience a 'phase' of emotional or emotionlessness, and that they're stereotyped as 'depressed' as it is a norm.
I wonder, what makes me different from that? Do I actually have depression or am I just a teenager?
I know, I know, this is such a cliche thing to say, but thinking about it, I can't recall a time when I was truly happy.
I've always disliked school. Well, not so much school as the people in it. I was bullied for a few years, and even now I still have people verbally bully me. I dislike school now, the whole thing.
I kind of assumed that everyone got bullied in their lifetimes?
I really don't know how to phrase this.
99% of the symptoms listed, I have. I've taken the 'online depression test' more times that I can remember, hoping that it will change and say that I'm not depressed.
I honestly do think I am depressed, but I'm not sure what makes me depressed and not, say, my friends.
I haven't said to anyone that I suspect this, I'd rather keep it quiet than people thinking I'm looking for attention, because that's the last thing that I want.
I already get unwanted sniggers and whisperings and stares.
I'm not happy with the way I look... although 'not happy' is an understatement. Hate is more accurate.
I'm not proud of the things I did as a result of my unhappiness, but strangely, I like the scars? I don't want anyone to see them, and if they were to, I would be mortified. I feel like a contradiction to myself.
This may or may not be related, but sometimes when I look in the mirror, I don't feel real. I don't feel like I look like I am supposed to look. I don't see me in my appearance.
I'm not even sure if life is real.
Holly_ from the comments below summed it almost perfectly.
There's more to it than I can write, but is this depression?

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Blondiex said on 23 April 2014

Hi, I was wondering if anyone could give me any advice. I'm a 19 year old girl, just your average joe. I have a nice group of friends, a steady job and university offers & not a whole lot of drama at home.

However I constantly feel very incredibly irritated by people and I have no motivation, I have lost quite a bit of weight and I can't stop feeling these feelings of guilt and sadness and worthlessness. And at times I get thoughts about harming myself.

I have had problems in my past which no one is aware off and I am not entirely sure whether this is now beginning to take its toll on me.

I don't want to go to the doctors because I'm worried they'll just think I'm over reacting and laugh at me. I would love it if anyone could offer me any advice.

Thanks x

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mommy2agorgeousgirl said on 18 March 2014

I had my first baby 10 months ago. And since then life has not been easy. My partner and I had been planning to get our own place for a couple of years and when we found out I was pregnant we were even more desperate. Eventually we found the perfect house the only problem was it hadn't been built yet! Which meant I had to move in with my partner in his parents house. I literally came out of hospital after giving birth to my baby girl and bring sore all over had to pack my bags and move in with my partner. My mood went downhill rapidly from there. I didn't feel comfortable there as it wasn't my home. My partner was at work all day everyday leaving me in this unfamiliar house and struggling to cope as a first time mother. My mood swings got worse and it majorly affected mine and my partners relationship. I was in tears almost every day. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't think straight. Eventually I realised I needed to do something for the sake of my family so I bit the bullet and made an appointment with my gp. She was brilliant and advised me to talk about my problems and put me on a course of antidepressants. I eventually moved out of my partners parents house and moved back with my parents. I'm slowly getting better but things are still difficult as we are still waiting for our home to be built. I hope my story will help people to get help and not to feel embarrassed ashamed as I did. Depression doesn't make you a weak person it is an illness that can be treated so don't hesitate to go to your gp!

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ggx said on 10 March 2014

I know I have depression, I have pretty much all the symptoms, I just don't know what to do with myself. I am constantly worrying and wish I could just switch my brain off. Its been triggered by my boyfriend booking a lads holiday behind my back over our 2 year anniversary.. I just don't know if I can stay with him because im just so insecure and all I think of is him surrounded by girls in bikinis who are better looking than me and im just scared hell forget me, plus how am I meant to get on with life and be supportive of him when hes going to start getting excited yet it will without a doubt be one of the most miserable weeks of my life and ill be constantly reminded that he chose to put me through this. I just don't understand how he could do this to me when he knew how I felt about it. I cant bare to feel like this anymore yet I cant deal with the pain of breaking up with him. I love him so much but the pain and anxiety inside me is killing me... Im crying nearly all the time, I just dont see how this will ever get any better. I cant live with all this depression and anxiety for the next few months. I know people think Im being dramatic but I just don't know what to do and how im meant to cope with this

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Keeley97 said on 07 March 2014

Reading some of the comments makes me tear up because I feel the same.

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User849847 said on 27 February 2014

Hi,

Looking for some advice, I think I have depression but am not sure and am to embarrassed to go to the doctor incase I am wrong. I go through stages of being normal and happy and other times I feel sad, cry a lot of the time for no reasons or things being blown out of proportion and after I have been crying I realise there was no need to cry. I takes me ages to sleep at night, I feel sick, my body aches, I avoid friends , unless it's going out drinking. I had a baby 9 months ago and it has seem to be worse in the last few months, even though I have sufferd this for years and as I say I go through stages of being absolutely fine and then it just changes, I also can get very aggressive towards others. I had a tough time when I was younger and it was not long after that these symptoms started.

Anyone any advice they could give me?

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Lmae said on 24 February 2014

I have been feeling low for a very long time, I didn't think much of it but I went to the doctors because I found I was constantly thirsty and always tired, and have unexplained aches and pains a lot of the time. The dicta said he thinks I'm depressed and offered me time off work, I declined as I love my b and feel with out work I would get a lot worse and would sit at home alone with my thoughts running through my mind.
I have a low self esteem, as much as I try and force myself to be confident and tell myself I'm pretty and not ugly that feeling if wanting approval from others especially men never goes away. My behaviours recently whilst out is not great and I fear I have an issue with alcohol as once I've had a drink I want more and end up doing stupid things and getting with / sleeping with the wrong people. I try to tell myself I'm going to be good but every time I wake up regretting some action. I'm not sure what I expect to get out if this but don't feel I can talk to anyone.

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Lula44 said on 22 February 2014

When I was 14 I went through a bad stage in my life and I still have no idea what caused it.. I hurt myself repeatedly and I thought I was hearing voices. When my family found out they made me see a doctor which led on too a councillor who I was visiting for around 18 months. I'm now 17 and have not harmed myself for a long time but I feel like everything is going back down hill again.. Seeing all of my scars everyday and being reminded of my past is horrible but I guess I've learned to love with that. I feel so unhappy and I don't know what to do. No one in my house gets along anymore and I hate 6th form I only went because my mum wanted me too. I'm also so down in myself. I hate the way I look and just who I am. I have a stutter and that is also really effecting my life as it always has but now I'm getting older it seems to be getting so much worse.. I have no friends because I'm not a very talkative person (mainly because of my stutter) so I'm practically on my own.. I can't really talk to my mum and dad about anything just because I don't think they would understand. Looking at all of the symptoms above, I pretty much have all of them. I'm really confused and I don't know what to do, can someone please give me some advice?

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beckyd1985 said on 19 January 2014

Alithepole,

Very difficult situation for you to be in!! How old is your relative? Do they have any on going chronic illness, i.e Heart disease, diabetes etc that require a yearly review with a health care practitoner as this may b a route for identification/getting help? Long term "chronic" illness can often go hand in hand with low mood and depression as people can often feel that they have become defined by their illness.

The problem is you cannot force anyone to get help or treatment if they do not lack capacity to decide for themselves. GP is always the best initial port of call, but if your relative is the generation that doesn't want to bother the GP, sometimes the first footstep through the door could be to see the nurse if she wanted to talk about how she is feeling. Nurses that conduct the yearly chronic disease reviews should be asking questions about signs and symptoms of depression and should have a route of referral to the GP if they are concerned.

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alithepole said on 16 January 2014

Hi..I wonder if anyone can help us? A very close family member, we believe, is suffering depression. Her symptoms are as text book and her behavior is extreme. We are finding it increasingly difficult to cope with her as she can be very aggressive verbally and in the same breath in tears. She desperately wants us to be close to her but her actions and behaviour make this at times impossible. She has always been aggressive in manner (more verbally than physical) and this has become worse but the depression seems to have exaggerated personalty traits - is this normal?
We have tried explaining to her that she is having a disruptive effect on the people who love her and we want things to be better but she seems to turn everything around and tell us we are "getting at her"...which is not the case...the things she says and does are irrational. Again is this normal for someone with depression.
But what can we do? What can we say? How can we help? She wont accept that she has a mental illness but she does accept that she knows things are not right. She has been physically unwell on and off over the years and she always uses this as a reason or excuse for not doing something or deflecting a comment - ie "I cant do that because I am not well".
Her house is a mess, damp dirty and dusty, she has lost about 4 stone in the last two years and she acts 20 years her senior. She is unwell at the moment but I would descrie her approach to her illness as Paranoid Hypercondria - obsessing about being unwell. She will talk for hours about how unwell she is.
Please, please help us. We do not know how or what to do....if we push things too far and tell her how she is coming across to us and how her behaviour is becoming destructive she will withdraw and possibly not want to know any of us any more....what can we do? Is there anyone we can contact or speak too?

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Lindy Bee said on 15 January 2014


Holly,

Well done for writing out what you are going through, it can't have been easy. You sound like a thoughtful and intelligent young woman, And very brave for trying to deal with this on your own, but I just wanted to encourage you to go to your GP, they are there to help. depression is quite a common illness, and there is help and treatment available - please don't suffer in silence. Maybe you could show the GP your post if you can't bear the thought of talking to them?

I know things seem bleak and hopeless but youre a worthwhile person with people who care about you, things can and will get better, but please do take the next step and seek help

Best wishes and good luck

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mudskippa said on 08 January 2014

To: Holly,
Look up Social Phobia or Social Anxiety Disorder. That fear of people judging you or looking at what you do is very much like this. I had it too - and by the end of it, I was afraid of eating in front of people, using the phone, going shopping, going anywhere on my own. It took years of trying ineffective treatments for me to get rid of it until I found a treatment that actually worked: NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) along with EFT (emotional freedom technique). It only took one session and gave me my life back. Good luck - you don't have to feel this way!
Best wishes.

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PanicStations said on 02 January 2014

RollingThunder

I am having a similar experience. I have given myself TMJ and my jaw has popped out of place. This has caused strange feelings in my head and face, fullness, dizziness, ear ringing, every time I swallow theres pressure in my palate, sinuses, nose and face. I feel like theres a rope round my throat.

Then last night I woke up choking on reflux/vomit and it scared me to death.

I feel strange with my depression everyday because when I start to feel a little bit better I get symptoms relating to something else and I'm back to square one. Every day I have some physical symptoms that cause massive panic attacks.

I hope you feel better soon.

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holly_ said on 01 January 2014

I've been looking on here from time to time trying to decide what it is that's exactly wrong with me, I know its something along the lines of depression but I don't see why. I have nothing bad going on in my life, only thing is I'm pretty much sat at home doing nothing all day but I'm alright with that on some levels. I'm 16 and I should be feeling happy and having the time of my life as others would say but I feel nothing more than wanting to just sit on my own and ignore everyone. Its not just what I do- or don't do- that makes me feel like this. It's me, my looks, my body, and my lack in self confidence that just brings me down as well and I'm constantly trying not to cry and feel so hopeless, and I just feel like my life is going no where. And yes, I know I'm 16 and have years ahead of me, but I just feel like I'm going to be on my own for the rest of my life and have nothing to be proud of as well as much more. Also, just last year I used to love going to parties and having fun with other friends of mine-who I now don't talk to- but now the thought of a party just makes me want to go sit in the corner and turn my back on everyone, and my little brother and sister who I used to love spending time with, I can't now because I just feel so upset around them and have lost interest. When I go out I always think people are thinking about me, even if they don't even look my way- and not in the vein way- but I think they're judging me, picking out everything that's wrong with me when I know that they're most likely not, but that still makes me feel like rubbish and I feel even worse when I get in and sit there, thinking about everything that's wrong with me (something I do on a daily basis). It's lead to something I'm not proud of and the scars are just ugly reminders but I can't seem to stop or banish the urges. I want to see the doctor but my chest tightens at just the thought as I can't talk to people. I know I'm rambling but it just feels nice to write it out.

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Rolling thunder said on 26 December 2013

I don't really know if I am suffering from anxiety or depression my symptoms do seem to suggest more anxiety than depression
Either each my life seems to have lost all meaning after suffering from a virus in February of this year which affected my ears.
The virus has long since cleared but it has affected me in many other ways ie tinnitus a feeling of aural fullness head pressure and sensitivity to sound
These symptoms are so overpowering that I have become totally obsessed by them and I now have panic attacks,feel tearful for no reason and have lost all enjoyment in my life
I have tried CBT,relaxation,mindfullness and breathing excersises all without much effect. I have also tried Settraline medication which didn't agree with me
I don't really know why I am posting this message maybe just hoping there is somebody out there who can relate to what I am going through

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Jay07910 said on 13 December 2013

To Jojojazzy.

I sincerely hope things get better for you and your partner soon. You certainly are going through it at the moment aren't you. My wife suffers with depression although she has control over it these days. I know this will not cure all issues but if I could offer you one thing I would encourage you with all my heart to talk!!! Talk to whoever you can trust. Friends, family, healthcare professionals. Just share your feelings, thoughts and fears and don't hold back. If you are not satisfied with the gp's prescribed sleeping pills, do go back. The inability to sleep or rest are byproducts of the vicious circle if depression. Deep and restful sleep alone probably won't help a great deal. Hope things improve for you and your partner. X

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Jojojazzy said on 10 December 2013

I have just returned from my g p and am in pieces, it's taken me 7 months to finally admit I may be suffering fromdepression. I explained that my partner has cancer of the oesophagus and lung disease. That I am in tears all the time, am not sleeping , and am having more epileptic seizures than ever. I also explained that I am struggling at work to advise people what to do as a job centre adviser and that I doubt my every decision. I was given sleeping tablets and told that going to work would help me to pull myself together! Sorry if this puts anyone off going to their g p but I feel worse now than ever and will hopefully stop crying soon! !!

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TryToLove said on 08 December 2013

About the Grief and Depression thing, what if you haven't had a loss but you still look forward to the future and have a lot of the symptoms on Depression, can anyone please amswer my question asap, Thank you

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ellie29 said on 05 December 2013

i have probably been looking at this page for about a year or so, thinking do i have depression but i have always thought it was wrong to be depressed, i feel like if i admit it my family would be mad at me for not being happy. i have been depressed for so long and now i don't think i can handle it no more, i just need someone to talk to. after looking at the symptoms i realise that i have got depression. everyday i feel worse and worse, i feel like i'm nothing when i'm out, in my lecture at university i always think why am i here, how can someone like me be here. i think everyone hates me because i'm quiet and i'm just horrible looking, i try my best to keep positive but i always think negatively about myself. i feel like i'm in constant pain, other peoples eyes act like daggers through my brain, my anxiety doesn't help when it comes to doing the normal task of getting shopping from my local shop. i want this pain to go away, to be free of worry of how i look and who i am, i want to be...me!

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Hana235 said on 23 November 2013

I don't know why I'm leaving this comment, for all I know I'm just emotional due to the time of the month, but I do feel I have a lot of the symptoms. I used to be full of life, wanting to be surrounded in others peoples company, but for the past few months I've been slowly closing everyone out. I don't want the company, I don't want to talk to anyone. I just cry over everything and feel so alone but I don't want anyone. No one will understand me, most people will think I'm just over dramatizing. I should be greatful for the life I have but I am continuously down. I feel so lost, I just wish everything would stop - stop hurting.

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G6 said on 25 October 2013

After reading this I have come to the conclusion that I have mild depression as I have many symptoms. This site has helped me as I feel I can't talk to anyone as I don't want to feel negative around anyone. Some days I don't want to leave my room and my self esteem has never felt so low. I don't even want to be around my friends anymore and I'm always bailing on plans. I just about get through college three times a week and whenever I'm alone I just cry for no apparent reason. I don't know what has brought this on but I've never felt so bad.

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mania1 said on 29 August 2013

I don't know what is wrong but i'm pretty sure it ain't right! then again i think i do know. i've had the year from hell.Broke my wrist and was off work 8 months,lost my house and my kids and then i got a call at 1.30am one morning telling me my dad had died! and i wasn't supposed to be hysterical at that?? Nobody told me he was ill,relations between me and mine were not good at the time but still,they drove past everyday going to see dad yet never let me know. I was good enough when it came to funeral arrangements tho! TBH i think its just all got on top of me now and i sit and i cry and then find out my sister has betrayed me and let me blame my best friend! i could go on and onnn

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Ashdogg said on 27 August 2013

Hi, Im 13 years old and now I am pretty much sure i a suffering from depression. I don't know what is causing, the only thing I can think of is when my Dad passed away but that was 2 and a half years ago and I have only had this depression for a month or so. I cry every day and at least twice a week feel like killing myself or harming myself in someway. I always feel tired and sometimes it takes me a while to get to sleep. I toss and turn a lot in my bed and find I am sleeping longer than I used to. I feel as if I have a low spirit and I shout at my friends all the time and get moody, some people will say it is my age but I dont think it is. Sometimes I find it hard to get any enjoyment out of life and I am starting to loose interset in everything, for instance I used to love playing on my xbox but now I don't find it fun. I haven't told anybody yet but I am thinking of telling my nanna because I trust her most as I think my mum will just say don't be stupid and I feel like if I go to a doctor they will think I am wasting there time. I don't know what I should do I just feel lost.

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kaylee88 said on 14 August 2013

Recently I've bn feeling down lonely and just have no motivation and I feel tired. some days I just don't want to get out of bed and other days where I just can't sleep. I just feel helpless I didn't realize how depression can affect ppl till reading on here today. Every little thing my partner does irritate me I'm in a constant bad mood that it's even showing in my work so much so even my regular customers have noticed that I'm just not myself could it be because I hate my manager he's so nasty he talks to u like a piece of dirt on the bottom of ur shoe!! I've alwayed loved my job I've noticed I've not bn myself since he's bn there I hate feeling like this I use to be so hyperactive!!! I use to love making friends and going out getting drunk but now I hate the thought of even going out. Some one please help me xx :)

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seb89 said on 13 August 2013

I have recently been having most if not all of the symptoms mentioned and I have only just realised that I could have depression.

I have always managed to cope with things in the past but with a recent death in the family and seeing my father for the first time in 15 years along with a high stress level job I have really been struggling.

I haven't slept more than 4 hours a night for months now and cannot concentrate on anything at home or at work, I no longer have any (passion) drive I will say as I know this is public, and I have been eating very erratically if at all for the last few weeks.

I cant spend any time alone because when I do I feel so low I could curl up into a ball, but I have been working in an office on my own now for months also.

I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose my job or my girlfriend but my head is all over the place.

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Ashlee1990 said on 23 July 2013

I have been feeling very low for about 6 years. I tried to take my own life through an overdose & alcohol when I was 17, i was admitted to hospital overnight, I then attempted again when I was 18. I havent spoken to anybody about how I feel & ive never been given any professional help or medication. I was forced to auit university at 19 after 5 months due to my low moods, anxiety & lack of motivation. It was the hardest decision of my life, & since then I have felt hopeless, worthless, & regret. I now work at a supermarket as an administration assistant, but I feel Im not making the most of my intellect or my life. I have a partner of 4 years, who I met at university, & we have split up numerous times due to my erratic behaviour & mood swings, & my irrational thinking. I go through periods of feeling very low, feeling my life is pointless, feeling like my partner is going to leave me cause im not worth anything, having low self esteem & feeling hopeless, lost & irritable. Then i go through phases of having confidence, & being overly happy, & having all these ideas in my head, generally unrealstic ideas. People are noticing my moods & my best friend stated that it is like i have two personalities.
I am thinking of going the doctors tomorrow but i want to be taken seriously!!!

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H85f said on 22 July 2013

I have been diagnosed with depression since I was about 15. I have been taking citalopram 40mg for the last couple of years but lately I have begun to have problems with it I.e teeth grinding, insomnia etc. I stopped taking it which I know is not a good idea but tbh I'm too embarrassed to go to my doctor and ask for something else. I feel like such a failure and a huge embarrassment to my family who are all successful, married have kids etc whilst I have none of that. I feel bad that they have to have me around but the thought of the pain I would create for them if I killed myself is the only thing that stops me. I don't have a great deal of friends left anymore probably because I am not very outgoing and whilst I am always there shoulder to cry on I know they would never pick up the phone to me if I needed them. I don't like who I am and feel constantly embarrassed and anxious about what other people must think a about me.

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Kels34uk said on 28 June 2013

Megs43, may sound odd but I'm feeling exactly the same way as you are at the moment. I'm quite a shy person anyways but feeling like I haven't a single friend in the word and feel like i am completely isolated, I went to the dr with this before and she offered for me to go on Prozac, i declined but did see a counsellor which dr suggested and it has helped.

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Megs43 said on 27 June 2013

I wouldn't know whether this is depression or not really? I just feel so alone all the time. It feels as though everyone else would rather spend time with someone else than me. This thought often repeats itself in my mind and it makes me think of all the examples of when it has happened. I also feel that everybody uses me and doesn't appreciate me and treats me like I'm not worth the gum on their shoe. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to go to my GP or talk to a counsellor because it holds such negative labels. I'm just in a tough place at the moment.

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chazannelou95 said on 17 June 2013

Hi, i am a 17 year old girl, an i think that i may hace depression and i was looking for some advice.
I allways feel that i am necer good enouth to do anything and i always feel like wats the point anymore. I have thought abot self harming ber but nevr do it yet. I feel fat, ugle, unapreshiated and also the one who feels left ot ad second best at anyhing.
pplease help!!!!!

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KCDing said on 15 June 2013

Callie,
You sound like you need help. Depression is a disease of the mind, just as a cold is a disease of the nose. To get over this disease, you need to talk to an adult you trust honestly, and go to your GP. No GP will ever tell you to pull yourself together. Have you expressed these feelings as above to your Father? Is there an adult in school you could talk to? I know it feels like you are all alone but you really are not. There will always be people to help you, you just need to take the first step. Well done for writing this down on here, but please go and find help. The sooner you speak up, the quicker you will recover. Good luck. x

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callie_ said on 15 June 2013

Hi I'm 13 and I'm scared no one will believe what I have to say, I know for sure I have depression, I don't eat im sick I don't sleep but I'm always tired when I want to do stuff but my dad blames this on me being lazy and stupid. I self harm, I have for a few months I can't kick the habit and again my dad is not supportive at all, I haven't told anyone about this not even my friends I feel like everyone around me are secretly stabbing me in the back I don't want to live anymore no one wants me... The only person I trust is my boyfriend.. I think I got depression fully when my mum moved all the way across the country and I still blame myself and cry every night. I want to go to the doctors but I don't want them to tell me I need to just get over it because I CANT! thank you if you have read this please can someone give me advise or help?

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Evigoesfourth said on 10 June 2013

i cry almost every night, and i can't pin point why,i just feel horrible all the time, anything happy that happens to me is always overshadowed by this huge feeling of hopelessness. and I looked up these characteristics because i wanted a reason, i wanted a reason for why my entire life is just going nowhere. The most annoying thing is that everyone keeps telling me it's because i am a teenager. the thing is i usually hide it, but on really really bad days i can't and they notice and they say " you're just having a bad day, but they don't know that i'm not the person that i am around them i make jokes, i laugh at everything they say. i feel like i have no reason to do anything anymore... i hate it.

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Samiyyy_01 said on 08 June 2013

I think I may be depressed, I don't know what it is lately, I just catch myself feeling sad for no reason, my eyes will get all teary or I'll just be thinking about something that upsets me. I have a wonderful family and amazing friends, but even with all that around me, I catch myself feeling alone, I can't really speak to anyone in my family about. Nothin genuinely makes me happy anymore, I stay in my room for hours on end, I'll be up half the night thinking or I'll be asleep for 12 hours + and I can't get out of bed. I feel on edge, I can't really relax anymore, it's hard because depression is common in the world but I don't know, I just feel lost and sad, I don't have a guy in my life, so I don't want to use that as an excuse for how I feel.
I don't like going out to see my friends, I don't do anything anymore, I'm just always by myself, just me and my thoughts, I over think which makes me feel even more worse, I came on this page to see whether or not I maybe be suffering from depression and I suffer from a lot of the symptoms. Im insecure about my weight, i have been for several years, my confidence has gone down a lot I just feel an empty hole inside. I just want to be happy, I just want to be the happy girl I once was and not have these thoughts and feelings anymore.

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Bigdavo said on 05 June 2013

Amazing recognising myself in most of these comments, no friends, no interest in anything, avoid conversation, feel tearful randomly, feel irritated for no real reason, bored with the mundane stuff, get anxious over any big purchase, see no real reason to get up at weekends, dread any sort of family get together because I never know what to say, I often wonder who would come to my funeral and come up with the answer of 'not many'. My wife tries to get me to make an effort with an old mate from years ago, I always make an excuse because it's easier I suppose. My wife just longs for chit chat but I just want to be alone, the word 'loner' used to be used for mass murderers or misfits but that's what I am - a loner. Not sure if I have no friends because I'm a loner or the other way round, it's a cycle I'm stuck in. Can't imagine saying all this to a doctor, it would seem so trivial and I would cry within 30 seconds

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JAMES31 said on 27 May 2013

Its just so sad but almost a relief to see people are going through the same thoughts. Some things that I thought where just personal to me.

Im 25 I have been struggling with depression on and off for years. I think it comes from my dad beating my mum when i was at growing up. He was horrible. They are still together and we all just pretend nothing ever happened.

Recently I have been looking at my life and asking questions 'what do i have of any worth' 'who do I have' and the answer is nothing. I keep asking myself 'what is the point' 'if this is life i dont want it'

I hate my job. Im abit of a loner. I have no social life. I just entertain myself staying in watching tv and I think I have convinced myself Im staying all the time because im saving money to pay off a little debt. When really i wouldnt be doing anything if there was no debt.

The few friends (maybe 2 really i see still) both have girlfriends and many other friends so I dont see them much. They have lifes of there own. I never ever would phone them( i cant remember the ever ringing my friends, just not even the confidence to call my own friends).

I just feel im not close to anyone in this world. Im just alone. I never had a relationship.

Just the thought of 'is this it... is this my life now' I mean if all I do is go to work, come home and be on my own miserable. Im just wasting my life.

I think im going madder because im spending more and more time by myself. I almost been in a daze this last few weeks. Nothing feels real.

My mum suggested i went to doctor but I just said no.
really i think i might have to but im scared they will just say im being a drama queen.

I mean if im alone all the time, just hidden away in my flat. my existence is just pointless is it not.
Im having no effect on the world at all.

theres definitely something wrong with me but im up and down all the time.

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cccpsls said on 26 May 2013

After reading through these posts i urge all of you to contact your GP! I was forced by my family members into my doctors office and all i had to tell him was 'i don't know why im here' and the GP took it from there. I've since been diagnosed with clinical depression with psychosis, severe anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and symptoms of OCD. I am currently on medication, seeing specialists and on crisis support as i tried to kill myself 3 times but now the light is coming through the dark fog that takes over our minds. I know how it feels when you're struggling through every day and that it never feels like you are so unwell. Just that you're tired and that's making you confused or unfocused or tearful or distant from others. I struggled through since i was just 4 years old and 20 years later even i can be helped! Again i urge anyone feeling even just one of these symptoms to contact someone. You will be understood, you will never be made to feel worthless, like you're wasting their time or over reacting. You'll be given a course of action there and then and the support is there every single day! One day at a time and that one step to see someone is going to change your entire life. You are worth that time. I did it for my mum, find your person to fight this for and they will get us through the bad months and remind us all we are not alone! I can see my light, please find your way to yours.

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Tally turner said on 16 May 2013

I think I may be depressed. I am finding life really difficult at the momen and I am unsure on what to do! I have felt like this for about 5 months. I have felt really down, irradiated, angry, oddly tearful and really sad. But I am unsure if this is depression or not. I have an appointment booked but I don't really know what to say to him....it was a teacher how flagged it. I new there was something wrong but they flagged it up. I also need help with confidence to talking to someone how do you start a convo about depression? I must admit I have hurt myself but it makes me feel so much better. I really want to stop that! I have also retracted from social things like parties etc.
so what do people think. I need advise on all of the above. I hope someone can help me!

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Jlst said on 30 April 2013

I think I might be depressed. My teacher has noticed and I promised him I'll go to the GP, but I'm scared of him saying that I'm not depressed and that it's just me and that I'll never be happy. I just have no motivation or willpower for anything. I can't sleep at night but when I do sleep I can easily sleep for about 16 hours then I have to force myself to get up. The thought of going to college makes me actually cry and it's having a negative effect on my work. I agree with some of the things here but some are way off. I've never thought about self harming, mostly because I don't like pain, but I don't think I'd ever try it. I have a great family life, both my parents love me, as does my brother and my Stepmum and I love them. I do constantly get angry with my Dad over silly things and then I regret it afterwards but he just makes me mad over nothing or I just can't be bothered talking to him and I have no idea why. I have an amazing boyfriend and we've been together for 2 and a half years and I feel like I'm only ever happy when I'm around him, which isn't good as when he goes out/away it upsets me a lot but I don't say anything and I'd never stop him. I don't have low self esteem at all, I actually really love the way I look and I'm happy and feel good about myself. The only thing I'm self conscious on and plan to get changed is my breast size, other than that I'm really happy in me. I have quite a few friends but they don't invite me anywhere after college or on weekends so I think this makes me feel lonely.

I don't know if I'm depressed or not, and I'm scared to see my GP in case he says not. Does anyone on here have an opinion? Nothing's happened that would make me depressed but I don't know :(

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Dartsplayer said on 28 April 2013

Sammyjayne, you and I are going through a very similar time at the moment. Much of what you have described is my life too but the difference is I made the decision to get help. Please go and see your GP. They will help. I am not where I want to be yet but I am in a better place. Yes there will be medication but I am also in counselling which has helped me open up to friends and family and now I don't feel so alone. Yes, I still get down times but people are there for me and you too but please talk to someone. I wish you all the best and hope your next comment here is to say you have made that brave 1st step. It's hard to think other people know how you feel but I do, honestly and it is a horrible place to be. I am thinking of you and if you let others know your pain you will find that so will so many more people who will help you get through this x

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sammijayne123 said on 25 April 2013

I can relate to a lot of symptoms here, I have been through a lot in space of 4 months I have split from my partner, lost a close family friend to cancer, my mother is going through tests for cancer, I have fallen out with my father and he and my stepmother who I am very close to and has been there since I was 6 are getting divorced, work has been extremely stressful! At first I thought that I may just be going through a hard time and that it would be perfectly understandable that I am feeling down, but last few weeks I have found daily life a struggle! I don't want to get out of bed in the mornings because I'm scared of something bad happening again! Even though I have very close friends and family I feel completely alone and feel nobody understands me. I feel angry and bitter towards others for no reason I have become impatient and moody! I'm usually a very sociable person but I don't feel like doing anything that I used to. I feel useless and helpless and my confidence has gone completely! feel negative about everything no matter how hard I try to stay positive i just feel no happiness at all! I would never write on the Internet but I don't know who I am anymore and feel nobody will understand me and I'm embarrassed to talk about it! I used to be happy and strong but I find I cry every moment possible and the worst part of all is that the only comfort I can find is the thought that I can end it all if I want to even though I am petrified of dying, it calms me knowing that there can be an end to it all if I chose to! I just can't take anymore and I'm at a compete loss!

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Mm88 said on 19 April 2013

Having read through all the comments I can relate to so many. I seem to have a routine daily of waking up putting on a 'mask' for work its funny how the ones I work with think I am so happy but that's what I let them believe I come home and just want to be alone I do anything to avoid anything physical between me and my boyfriend, and I can't blame him he loves and adores me. I escape some weekend and go home to my mums but that makes me feel even more alone I lie in my room often crying and asking myself questions. I think it all stems back to the break down of my parents marriage, I was very close to my father and now have no contact with him at all now, I'm really struggling at the minute and feel so low I'm at a loss as to what to do, I don't want to speak to a GP and don't feel comfortable speaking to my boyfriend or mum

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CE94 said on 02 April 2013

Ive been viewing all these comments and in some ways I strongly relate to the symptoms of depression. I wouldn't normally advertise it on the internet but in my case im just desperate for some answers. I lost my job in November ive been finding it hard coming to terms with it all as I haven't managed to pick up anything since( meaning jobs).. Its awful.. I have NO motivation, even getting up everyday is a struggle.. I feel as if I don't have a place in this world no more.. im fearing for my relationship as I no ive changed my ways since losing my job. I don't like the thought of people being in my personal space.. surely that's not right if your in a relationship with somebody who worships the ground you walk on? Im to embarrassed to talk to family as I don't want them to worry, I don't want to speak to my partner as I no it will also make him concerned.. it all relates back to my childhood..which ive had councelling for but that's still always in the back of my mind. Ive got so much I want to write but I just feel I no longer have the energy and no one will understand or help me.. If anyone has any answers for me then please don't hesitate to contact me I would really appreciate it, could kinda use a friend right now.. sometimes its easier to speak to somebody you don't know.. how true that is I don't have a clue..

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archie26 said on 24 March 2013

Hi
After reading a few comments i felt it was important too comment myself and increase the awareness of the positive impact counselling can have. I have suffered with depression since i was 13 and only recently began to acknowledge my emotions for what they are. I have been able to do this thanks to my counsellor offering me a space where i am free from judgment and where i am safe. At first i felt i didn't want to say much which.was fine ii soon began to look really forward to my sessions.
I soon felt strong enough to try living love without my therapy and have round i am much more aware of how im feeling and i can manage my emotions before i allow it to all get too much again.

I also recommend to anyone struggling to talk to perhaps right a journal of your feelings and when out feel comfortable amdsafe enough perhaps you could show these to your gp or your therapist. I also recommend reading books by thitch thatch hanh as this will bring you mindfullnes . I hope this works and remember you are far from alone it takes strength to confront your feelings.

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tam281 said on 16 March 2013

Prinmel, i feel a little less weird now i know that its not just me... it gets to me most because feeling so alone means that i push out people who i know would do anything for me but i'm just so empty. It feels like my heart doesnt want to pump anymore, my brain doesn't want to think and my legs just carry me around like a ghost who doesnt know where she belongs every day. I'm feeling a bit better though, i got my results for my english exam which i sat around my lowest point and it was 14/40. Now I'm getting As so i guess i'm more focused yes and being distant isnt as much as a problem for me now... its stupid things like writing down what you feel when you can get a grasp on the world that actually is going on around you and not in your head so that it can remind you that this is real and that is not... if you need somebody to talk to i am here, i'd try and be as much help as i can

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jhan said on 13 March 2013

I'm 19 and only recently I've realised i may suffer with depression. I think this goes back to when my mother and father split up when i was 17. I found this really hard but didn't physically display my emotions, now when someone tries to talk to me about this i cant physically speak and i break down. Also i had a very traumatic experience where I had to leave the house i was living in with a friend, this has lead me to not be able to sleep at night, all i can think about is that house and the stuff i left behind. I don't like to talk about it as some sentimental items of mine were left there which i will never get back or see again, and i think about these thing before i sleep. to top it all off i had a very bad break up recently and this bought back all the past in my head and every time i think about it i well up. It hurts so much, i cant speak about any of this to anyone, im too scared to go to the doctors, or speak to anyone about this because i break down. I feel like if i tell someone they dont understand or believe how i feel.

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PrinMel said on 11 March 2013

When I read tam281's post this really stood out
"i spend a lot of time talking to myself pretending people are there and my mood is effected by these conversations and the situations i create in my head that i just feel really alone and i cant really talk to people anymore"
I do the same thing, and I thought I was so stupid and messed up to be doing that. It always makes me really anxious and depressed to realize that's how lonely I truly am, but at the same time cannot make plans with real people because my anxiety and negative self thoughts make it impossible for me to enjoy the company. I am in the process of telling my doctor, but it's hard. I told her i was feeling down but by the time I came back for my follow up I had already decided in my head that I was going to tell her I was fine, and I did. I sit here now debating if i make another appointment, but I keep thinking I am wasting her time and pretty soon she'll be annoyed by me, and I don't want that because she is an incredible doctor. I'm screaming on the inside for help but when I open my mouth nothing comes out. I fear the idea of doing this forever. It's awful when no one knows what you're going through and you have to do this all alone.

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tam281 said on 09 March 2013

Im way too scared to go to a GP... ive been sad before, but ive overcome it. Ive never had to grieve because Ive never lost anybody but for some reason i dont feel comfortable being me.. i dont know whats happened over the past few months but i get up, get through then go to sleep on a cycle every day and im just so unhappy.. i spend a lot of time talking to myself pretending people are there and my mood is effected by these conversations and the situations i create in my head that i just feel really alone and i cant really talk to people anymore.. i dont know whos a bad influence and who is a good one and i dont know how to react in a lot of real life situations... ive pushed my boyfriend away and ive ruined our relationship and the guilt from that is hurting me the most.. i just feel like ive completely lost myself and i dont see the purpose in trying anymore but i somehow feel like there is hope but i cant get through it without help... is there something really wrong? Should i seriously see a gp?

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maddyB12 said on 07 March 2013

I cannot take feeling like this anymore ! Every day i feel like running away . If it wasnt for my children I know I wouldnt be here ..I look at the bright sparks that they are and sometimes they lead me out my dark place . I dont know anymore .

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jn81 said on 04 March 2013

I was signed off work about 11 years ago with clinical depression. I just felt that everyone in my life saw me as a complete joke. They did.
I got back on the horse thanks to counselling, and managed to get over my problems for a few years. I definitely had a 'whacko' label attached to me in the office thereafter though.
At least back then I had friends though. My family have also moved away to other countries... I feel like everything is going back to how it was. I know people at work gossip about me and laugh behind my back. I don't feel like anyone rates my abilities. And certainly nobody takes me seriously. I don't sleep. I don't feel like my face fits anywhere. How do I get over feeling so useless?

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clairej21 said on 19 February 2013

@ ashwhittle1983. I had the same everyone seems to think i'm just lazy when in actually fact i am depressed. I would go to your GP if i was you as thats what i did yesterday after suffering in silence for 2yrs as i just kept on thinking i'll be ok. However i never was ok at all. It toke a lot for me to see the doctor as i really didn't want to but my partner just said you can't go on like this any more it's not fair on yourself. So with his support i went to the GP and after 2yrs of suffering in silence i am finally slowly sorting my life out. The GP was very helpful and i am now on my road to recovery. Going to the GP made me realize i was suffering from depression along with angiexty and OCD. I hope i helped any 1 on here because trust me i know how hard it is to say yes i am feeling depressed and i'm going to do something about it.

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ashwhittle1983 said on 12 February 2013

can some one help.felt low for number of years now,but hid it well.have no self esteem.no passion for anything.my partner just thinks im lazy.want to cry most of the time,only reason I'm still here is my 3 beatful girls.please help cant go on like this

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CLRAT said on 10 February 2013

It's hard to be a man, I bottle it up and bury it deep, I will never ever speak to anyone about the demons in my head, this is a personal battle one which I know I will have to fight for the rest of my life alone and I am tired of fighting and most days I do think about ending it all but I look at my children and find the strength to carry on, I would not fight for myself but I will do it for them and that's enough for me.

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missed out said on 09 February 2013

Hi 52 y/o male here , i suffered from depression in the mid 80's and most of the90's , i could not except my sexuality as idid not wnt to be gay , i smoked lots of weed , drunk lots of vodka and would have jumped a bridge if i never passed out before i got there , i went to the GP and with some counsellig and some tabs i sort of got through it , a few years down the line my famly wanted me to be happy and dropped hints about me finding someone , few months later i thought i was ready and met my first love at the age of 43 , i thought things were great but he was a complete control freak and after a few years into the relationship he started kicking hell out of me which he continued to do for the next 2 years ... he left (hooray !!! ) but the little confidence i had i had kicked out of me , a few years on i have had hundreds of panic attacks , no self worth , think about dying or death every day , no sleep and hit the vodka again , my brother told me to see the GP , went down on friday and he was a very nice chap who i had not seen before , he reassured me that 1000's of people have anxiety and get over it quite quickly and i sould get this particular book on psycology as it's a excellent read .... or try www.getselfhelp.co.uk if i dont like reading books ... well doc i'm sure your a exccellent GP and your a real nice chap but you did not know me or my history and it's not your fault ... but the vodka is winning and i doubt i will be back .

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laurencdxxx said on 06 February 2013

I'm a 17yr old student in my 2nd year at college. In my first year i suffered severe depression. All i wanted to do most days was lie in bed and cry until the point where i just felt numb to everything. Despite being in bed for so long i'd be lucky to get 5hrs sleep a night. i missed so much college because i didn't want to see anyone, i neglected everyone and everything until i had no social life left, i was snapping at my whole family all the time to the point were they were happy for me to stay in my room. Regularly i'd start crying at random points in the day at college and even at work. I thought about suicide but never had the balls to go through with it, so wished and prayed for cancer/another terminal or to be hit by a car etc so it would end.

I didn't tell anyone how i was feeling and think i just prayed that someone would notice and get me help but no one ever did which made me feel even lower and more worthless.
It was only after exam results day when i got four U's that i managed to slap myself out of the cycle and motivate myself to get out of the depressive hole i was stuck in.

While I'm ok now and alot better than i was i feel like i'm on the edge of slipping back into that hole and i don't know how to stop it. About once a week i have either a day, an hour or an evening of depressed thoughts and wanting to just cry for no reason and i don't know what to do. I still haven't spoke to anyone about last year but i dont want to slip back into the depression again, i dont know what to do

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Unklekjm said on 25 January 2013

42 year old male, no job, no money no woman no purpose. Nuff said to all you youngens. Suffered with this all my life but at least I had my youth then.... I don't even have that anymore

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Lizaan said on 24 January 2013

I am so tired! I just want to give up! Can't explain this hurt, pain and rejection!!

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LostinaCrowd said on 21 January 2013

Having read many comments here, I really do relate. You make me feel slightly less of a freak. I have felt this helplessness for many years, I am only 20. I found high school tough and university was equally as demoralising to such a point I quit after two years, now continuing my degree at home.

I have only one friend and consider myself lucky to even have her as I'm such a difficult, complicated and miserable person. I am convinced people just expect you to get over it and thus do not talk about my feelings with anyone other than my mother. I tried with a past boyfriend but he just didn't understand and couldn't help. I'm not sure anyone can..

No matter how hard I try to be positive, I can't. I used to do well academically but at university I just couldn't motivate myself. I was always the weakest in the group. Socially, it was miserable. I find it so impossible to interact with people genuinely, I always feel I am being judged and they never understand my personality. I don't blame them; I don't always understand my own behaviour to tell the truth. Many friends have let me down.

A lecturer recommended counselling but I didn't have the guts to talk about things. I can't bear feeling like this, I don't want to get up half of the time, can't get overtime at work, find happiness in nothing. I even took up new hobbies but that hasn't helped. When it comes to relationships/love interests, I always sabotage them. It's like I know men will not cope with me so I expect them to not want to try. I'm not fun any more. The only thing I like about myself (and obsess over much to the chagrin of others who just think I'm arrogant, couldn't be further from reality) is my appearance. I struggle with eating: used to make myself sick in a desperate attempt to remain thin. If I don't have my appearance, I have nothing. I have no luck with men, always treated poorly. I fall for them too quickly and too deeply and they can't handle my intensity. I'm so empty.

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pastelis said on 21 December 2012

I've read your comments and now I feel a little better about feeling so bad.
I'm a 15 years old girl. I'm not a case of 'momentarily teenage depression', nor am I mad at the entire world. I am just pretty much more or less depressed my whole life.
I don't know how to describe how I feel but I can try.
I think too much. I have extended fantasies of epic proportions, to keep me out of the real world. I escape to them. There is a big chance that when we talk, I am in my head and my own world in between sentences. I don't do it on my own accord but I get lost very easily. It's me myself and I most of the time.
There's a big nothing inside me. Nothing, except my mind. This is mostly what I want to go away. This disconnection I feel. It's not despersonalisation, it's just that I feel this big nothing clutching my chest when I don't occupy myself with thinking. It makes my head feel like it's going to explode, I feel tearful with no apparent reason and all I wish is for me to be able to scratch it out of me with my bare fingers.
I feel so empty, so drained, so unworthy. Whenever I can, I try to let go but nothing comes out. There's still this vast unphysical pain. Pain on the inside. Weirdly, I feel it in vein in my left palm. I believe it's my own body warning me: 'You are going to get sad now.'
I was put in the smart box and even that one isn't really accurate. I feel stupid, worthless and a failure a lot these days. People were mean to me and I like the quote that says that you may not remember the mean words someone said to you but you will always remember the sting of it. And that's me. I'm still trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered self-esteem.
I'm having a wallflower state my whole life, I can't find the ability to just enjoy things. I think this makes me appreciate the little things in life more, but it also makes me see a lot of hypocrysy and pain in the world to which everybody around me seems to be blind to. And this makes me so sad. So yeah..

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Dark place said on 17 December 2012

I have never suffered depression or even self doubt in my life. I am 53 healthy and male. I have not slep well for a while due to money worries and family illness and then got flu, I was vomiting and so stopped eating and drinking. I stopped sleeping all together and then after a few days sunk into a despair od such magnitude, I was convinced that suicide was the only option, In my head I had conversations with my wife and loved ones, who all agreed, I was truly desolate. I then planned it, to the finest detail, and then chose the day. Meanwhile, I was delusional, hallucinating... and hearing scratching in the walls, I was in this place for a week, it is without doubt the most terrifying experience of my life. I managed to talk to someone, then my GP and finally the urgent response unit. Food, drink and sleep, and the darkness receded, I am still worried about it, worried it will return, worried that I have no memories of the period except the ones where I wishes to be dead...or the ones where my loved ones told me to die.... I am getting stronger. Each day it moves further away, it was been about a month now...speak to someone, anyone ....pick up a phone.....

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mumtobe1873 said on 06 December 2012

I have a wonderful son, lovely home, great family and friends, I am expecting my second child, yet I feel so sad and alone. the baby's father left as I found out I was pregnant wanting me to 'get rid of it'. I don't sleep anymore than a few broken hours through out the night, and these are full of nightmares. I have lost all interest in my studies and work, life in general. To the outside world I appear to be keeping it together and staying strong, but inside I am a mess. I fight tears all the time and to be honest would happily stay in bed away from the world if I could. I feel stupid for being so miserable when I have so much to be positive about but I can't find any real joy in anything anymore. I had been seeing a councillor but have stopped as it didn't seem to be helping. Emotional support from the midwife stopped when I decided that I was keeping this baby....I'm now worrying that it will turn into post natal depression after the birth, but hoping that it will have the opposite effect and lift the dark cloud I feel that I am under. I've had selfish thoughts about ending my life but I know that my son needs his mummy, he is what keeps me going everyday, but it doesn't stop the thoughts. I don't know if I am depressed or just sad and hormonal, the doctor said it is expected in pregnancy to feel a bit blue at times, but it was never like this with my first, and its not at times its all the time. I continually worry about everything and physically shake. I feel a little better for sharing.......thank you

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Anonymous said on 06 December 2012

I'm afraid depression is a bit like speaking a foreign language in your native country. No-one around you understands. It is often very difficult to portray how your feeling when the physical/emotional pain prevents us from 'sharing'. The positive side to it is it can and does get better. I have found that it's best to go with it instead of fight it. Force yourself to do the opposite to what the condition dictates. You can't stop the world and get off..... you need to be a part of that world, not apart from it. I have suffered with 'depression' for as long as I can remember. This time of year is particularly difficult, but my Christmas trimmings are around me, the presents are bought and cards written........and I didn't want to do any of it. But I did. And that's a positive. And tomorrow will be better, or the day after, or the day after that. Either way, it's going to get better. Change the things you can, accept the things you can't and with help, you'll be able to recognise the difference. I have learnt a great deal about myself as a result of my depression. I embrace it, and in turn I embrace myself. It's a part of me.

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stormyeyes098 said on 04 December 2012

Im 16 and a full time student at college Life is pointless to me. Ive related to most, nearly all of the symptoms ive read above. I wish i was a normal person. I wish i was dead, ALOT!! I wish i had a normal life or a different one completely. I guess wishes just dont come true. I sometimes wish i had a long term illness or disease like cancer though just so i can die. Ive tried to commit suicide twice now and still think about doing it again in different sceneries Ive never admitted any of this to anyone, not family friends or anyone. I dont remember where it went wrong for me. Ive been missing college alot cause i cant seem to face anyone there. ive never felt so low in my life. I feel worthless. I feel like if i wasnt alive it would be better. Ive never related to anyone abot this. Any advice would be amazing to hear.

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lollypop01 said on 02 December 2012

I was so interested to read some of the above comments - so much of it is me. Tearful all the time, low self esteem, getting invited to functions and having to cancel as i cant face going and socialising. Snappy and horrid to my family - my husband said tonight that he dreads weekends as im so horrid to him. I had a hysterectomy a few years ago, and take HRT but it no longer seems to help. I feel so low, almost wishing i get some terrible disease so i could no longer have to be here. Little things that go wrong and in my life, seem like big, big things. In short, I am a waste of space, wish i was someone else and think that life isnt worth living. The only thing that stops me taking a load of tablets, is the thought of my three beautiful children - but i think they would be much better off with another mummy. It was the christmas fair at school today, I couldnt even take my children there and made some excuse. Why cant i be normal and get on with life, go out like i used to. I feel i am an embarrassment to myself and others and above all feel so, so sad.

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KimiMantrim said on 28 November 2012

I'm now 32. When I was 18 I lost my best friend when he went missing and was found 4 weeks later at the bottom of a river. It devestated everyone. Every year around the same time is incredibly difficult (every March). For the past 5 or 6 years though it has been becoming a huge struggle to deal with anything throughout the whole year. I have a wife and 2 beautiful girls. I have a job, and a loving family. Home life is good. However, earlier this year...I attempted (halfheartedly I admit, and I am ashamed of it) to commit suicide. I have never told anyone this or even knew how to think about asking for help, but I am saying it now.
I was stopped inadvertently by a phone call, that I wasn't expecting, from my mum. The truly scary thing is that my children were sleeping in the next room at the time.
I use the girls now as an excuse to carry on but surely this is no way to be.
I now go through weekly struggles to stay fulfilled with my life.
To top it off, this year I have lost 2 1/2 stone in weight, 2 stone of that was in 6weeks around about the time of the first (and hopefully last) attempt at my life. I am too scared and embarrassed to see a doctor or psychologist. I am ashamed because I don't want to put my family through any trouble, and I ESPECIALLY DON'T want my wife and children worrying about me, and I can't stand thinking about how me not being there would affect them, but think of it I do.
I'm at my wits end...

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will365 said on 19 November 2012

Firstly, I'm an 18-year-old student who has just got into Leeds university to do the course I've always wanted to. I've met an amazing girl and the course is going well - I should be happy. However, for around a year now I've steadily been feeling worse. It seemed to start with something that I was aware that I was doing but couldn't help - I was over-analysing what people said to me, how they were around me etc. and I hated the fact that I did it, I would break down in tears in frustration with myself. i then started exaggerating certain things - such as the reason someone hadn't texted back was because they had something against me...trivial stuff like that which sounds pathetic but which affects me every single day. I then went through a very dark period in my life in which certain things happened to me which I hope never happen to others; these did not help matters and, in combination with the stress of A Levels at the time, made me feel more and more helpless each day.
This persisted throughout summer and, I was hoping, on coming to university having a fresh start and meeting new people I would break free. However, I seem to be showing more signs of depression since I got here; back home I was the sort to go out every weekend and midweek as well so safe to say I was looking forward to the social life at uni. however, I've had so little motivation for going out it's shocked me; I've also lost almost a stone in weight, am eating irregulalrly and I can never get to sleep until 3am ish only to wake up at 7. This makes me tired and even more stressful; I've been ill for the past week as well and keep getting sudden bouts of dizziness. Also - and I have done this for the whole of the past year - I worry stupidly about the smallest things yet I cannot stop myself.
Finally, earlier this year I considered suicide.

I hope this helps people in the way that others' comments have helped me learn more about depression.

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b9 said on 11 November 2012

I don't think I'll ever find out if this is legitimate deperession or not, but i have been this way for years, ever since i can remember actually. When your younger you blame it on different things that happen to you. But recently I have worked out that its doesn't matter what happens to me, it will always feel the same. I 'll always find a way to feel sad, and dissatisfied. I hope i am depressed, then I finally have an excuse for being so self centered.

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little8571 said on 06 November 2012

9 months ago my husband admitted he had been having an affair with a woman at work, he is 41 and she is 52 and i am 40. At first i told him to go, it all made sense the way he had been treating me, but then i begged him to stay even though he said he loved her more than me, since that day we have renewed our weddig vows, been on holiday twice and he has tried to make me happy, but im not happy, im lurking into depression, i cant forget the hurt, no matter what he says or does, he wont talk to me about it and i feel so alone, we have 4 kids the youngest being 10 and i feel i only stay alive for them, yes i have had feelings i want to just go to sleep and never wake up and thats because no matter how hard i try i cant forget and dont think i will ever forgive.
several years ago i went on antidepressants because my nan died in front of me, the tablets helped me in the end but for a while i was a zombie, i vowed i would never go to that dark place again, but fear i am slowly going there again, my problem is i know if i take tablets again i will not want to be with my husband anymore, i know i will see the light and tell him to go, i always said i would never forgive infidelity and i never will, not sure if i stay because of the kids or because i do love him, im so confused, but worried as i have thought of what life would be like for my kids and him if i wasnt in it anymore.
there has not been a day when him and that woman dont pop into my head, and no matter what i do i cant evade this dark place, so at the moment im stuck in limbo, do i just plod along trying to evade the dark dark place i went to before, or do i take the tablets and risk my marriage.
i do hope i come to a decision real quick as at times i feel like im so alone even though i have many people in my life who i know i could turn to, the problem is im worried that i will end up alone and sad, love to all people who battle this disease everyday i know what it feels like.x

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weegem14 said on 03 November 2012

I have read many of the comments on here and just wanted to say to you all that if your at the point where you can write about your problems on here, go and see your doctor. Dont wait... and go back again and again until you feel better... and believe that you will get better!!
Depression is terrible but you can get better, I have suffered for years, many with no help and whilst its not easy and there are terrible dark times/days, even now, I battle on as I know tomorrow is another day when the cloud will lift. Medication is far better now with fewer side effects and counselling can really help... Dont give up if the first tablet doesnt help you, go back and try another... there will be one that helps... remember its a chemical imbalance in your brain.. and GPs will help you. Your not alone and your not wasting their time.
I am now expecting my second child, have just gone on maternity leave from work and l am off my medication until my child is born... I will start again after the birth because I need that little pill everyday to keep me balanced. Iam not ashamed... that pill has given me my life back!
It can get better, you can do it, dont go without help, the lower you go the further you have to climb but remember that many say depression is a sign of being strong for too long. That strength is still inside you and with alittle support, medication and time it will get you back to the person you want to be....
Good luck and I hope that ramble makes sense!!xx

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Jennaj89 said on 02 November 2012

I havent spoken to anyone about this before because ive always been a bit ignorant towards depression and always felt 9/10 cases just use it as a cop out.
However, I am now 23 and have been unemployed for nearly a year because of redudancy (ive always worked and never had problems getting work so cant believe it even reading it back its been so long) I have no social life anymore and I mean no social life, I am not a scrounger and apply for hand on heart 10/15 jobs a day sometimes more but feel so embarrassed about my situation that I will be tarred with the “lazy dole scrounger brush” its really taken its toll on me now.
I sit at home 24/7 the only person from the outside world I see is my partner, I live with grandparents and don’t have anything to do with other family members for private reasons. I never get included in anything with my friends anymore and even if I did I have no money to be able to do anything and people don’t seem to realise that means literally. If cash points could dispense 1p my card would decline it. I cant change my situation and certainly cant do anymore than I am doing…..

I feel so fed up!! I dont know what to do as i just feel people will read this and think moan moan so hard done by, man up..Help!

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yillo666 said on 02 November 2012

So lets be honest, to go through the process of googling depression symptoms, registering and writing a comment we can't be all be severly depressed. Nontheless there is no doubt we are suffering, but why? I cant help feeling completley and utterly guilty that there are people worse off than me who are getting through life perfectly fine while im drowning in self misery and imploding with anger, lack of self esteem and apathy. I'm a teenager. Hormonal fluctuations? I dont believe thats the cause. I can examine myself perfectly from different perspectives, freud would be having a field day if he heared my childhood woes of a schizophrenic mother and a never pleased father who pushes and pushes for more. Maybe i need CBT that would cure my sense of hopelessness and lack of self esteem? Why not drugs? Prozac; easy option! But again my symtoms will be relieved but the cause, what ever it may be. I need help, but feel embarrassed and to put it colloquially i need to 'man up' . I probably do. Or is this part of being a teenager? Exam strain, peer problems, learning to drive and parent problems? Actually i feel better already, im actually smiling. This has been cathartic. And if any obe can be bothered to read this just look at the amount of people trying to get there 2 pennies worth of complaints...chances are no one will read this, its too long and we are all depressed after all. Time to eat a cookie with a cup of tea. Nice.

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distantstar20 said on 01 November 2012

Im a 20 year old student, considered to be a bit of a 'lad' by all my student friends, currently studying for a degree in nautical science which will hopefully lead on to me being an officer in the merchant navy.

i've recently been feeling low, very low. ive felt down before but not quite like this. I cover it up as best as i can but i yearn for someone to open up to and reveal how i truly feel.

I crave attention from people and often feel like im being dismissed or forgotten by them if i am not with them. I also feel that there is an ulterior motive behind people that give me what the attention i yearn for.

i have no motivation at present and am finding it increasingly difficult to get out of bed for classes or do work.

I have a huge problem with trusting people and find it difficult to confide, even with family.

i dont think im currently suffering from depression but if i cant arise from the ashes so to speak and am left in this rutt, i fear that things will only become worse and i dread to think what sort of things i would be willing or capable of doing to numb the mental stress and pain i could encounter in the near future. i just need someone, someone that can tell me its okay, that it will get better.

im lonely and i cant take it much longer.

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leeanthony said on 29 October 2012

every second of my day i feel like i cant be bothered i don't want to live feel like i got nothing going for myself no energy what so ever pains in my stomach very sad feeling very low and down and seriously stressed out aswell at time no motivation nothinggggg!! an im 23 years old i could go on forever felt like this for years

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youngoldbloke said on 11 October 2012

I always used to get marked seasonal depression but in last few years it has become more like a year-round condition. I tried medication, but for me it was not a cure, just temporary relief.

How do I feel?
Hopeless, helpless, absence of pleasure.
Feelings of dissappointment in life, which is at least partly irrational, I have 3 wonderful children and a steady job, decent income, yet still feel lousy. I generally feel that I let my family down. I feel ignored or rejected by my partner, who probably feels lousy too, but we have no ability to talk things through. I am not a self harmer. I see no prospect of a non-depressed future ahead.



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Smithy2012 said on 04 October 2012

Just came back from doctors, embarrassing experience, admitting that you have symptoms of depression.
I have been suffering for several years (I think). Lack of motivation to progress with life. Irritable, bad tempered at slightest thing that goes wrong, no patience for anything or anyone. I have made some serious errors in life, lost job through redundancy, lack of motivation to progress with new career, my marriage is suffering, not sure any way to recover, over 20 years down he drain.
I find it very difficult to talk to the ones that I love, and who love me. Turned to strangers for company.
I have now been prescribed medication, hope things improve dramatically over the coming weeks and months. Marriage may be over, but life must go on, even if only for my young family who need a father figure.

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somelad said on 25 September 2012

Once upon a time, I thought people who were depressed needed a grip.
I am not sure what depression is or whether I've got it, but I am sure I feel like crap right now!
What's worse, I cannot put a finger onto any one reason. I keep over-reacting to things and creating more issues which get into my head - but there's an underlying reason as to why I'm acting this way and I can't figure it out. As a result, I've become quite irritable and strange even before my own eyes.
I have lost motivation completely and I can't believe it but I have lost the will to live, the purpose for seeing a new day.
Usually, I am a lively person and you wouldn't get bored in my company. I am also usually a very optimistic and determined human being.
I don't want to talk to anybody because they wouldn't understand. I feel that even if they do, I don't want to be a burden with this sort of issue and everyone has their life to live. I feel as though I have no friends - which is true because I have pushed all of them away from my life for the past two years.
I talked to my mum on the phone the other day. I feel as though she's the only one person who can understand me, yet she seemed to not even connect with my emotions at all. I told her it's fine, and just pushed myself back to my own corner again.
Basically, life is hard. I have very bad thoughts and I just don't know whether I'm worth anything at all.
I have disconnected my twitter (and I'm quite good at this), my Instant Message phone applications, about to disconnect Facebook and to bar all incoming calls on my phone. I have a new job started three months ago, great, good money etc. But still no happiness.
I wrote this because it felt good to do it.
And I just wanted a record of it somewhere.

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Edinburghguy said on 20 September 2012

I'm unsure if I have depression, recently Iv been noticing I'm never happy, I feel I have no motivation no enthusiasm. All I want to do when I get back from work is go to bed. I can't be bothered communicating with people. Iv changed a lot of things in my life this past year. I came out as being gay just last year (I'm 21) I then moved to the city, during this time I relationships with my closest friends broke down & we no longer get along. I can remember when I joked all the time and laughed. I find myself very emotional a lot of the time, where's I never used to be. I occasionally have negative thoughts about myself. I just feel alone. I live with my amazing flatmate she's also my closest friend, however I could never tell her my feelings. I think she may have some idea from a few comments she's made recently. I have just started a new job and I think it's great and I do try but feel I'm just a bother.
I'm finding myself become weaker physically and mentally, sometimes I don't know how I can get up out of my bed.
I'm unsure of what to do.
Think I may need a little help.

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KuriousKrist said on 19 September 2012

I'm a 16 year old guy and I've been suffering with what I think is depression for about a year now, it was mostly when I was single (I'm a very needy person) but I've been in a relationship for nearly 6 months now and things sometimes creep in. I've had mild bouts of self harm, but nothing serious at all, and I've had many suicidal thoughts, the most serious of which led to me drinking 2 and a half bottles of Mulled Wine, walking to my girlfriend's house at midnight with a tie around my neck, ready to hang myself.


Anyway, I've started college and this morning, I didn't get out of bed. I just laid there, not wanting to move at all, not wanting to be awake or conscious, not wanting to go anywhere, do anything, just feeling terrible. as a result, I missed 4 hours of lessons, and after being late and missing other lessons, I'm afraid my sociology teacher may kick me out. It wasn't laziness, I genuinely felt terrible and didn't want to move at all.

Is this depression?
Can my Sociology teacher kick me out if it genuinely is depression? (I'm keeping up with the work and also doing more work outside of college to get ahead.)
What can I do to fix it? (The doctor suggested a regular sleep pattern, but that doesn't help when you can't get to sleep.)

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Neey said on 16 September 2012

I've had depression for over 25 years some times have been worse than others. Even during the good times i classify myself as having this illness. I would recommend the books I had a black dog by Matthew Johnstone and depressive illness the curse of the strong by Dr Tim Cantopher. Unfortunately, as many people misunderstand this illness, it is assumed that those that suffer have a personality flaw. This is not the case, it is a chemical imbalance. Also, most people do not understand the physical symptoms of this which may include not being able to get out of bed! (advice I've had -go for a walk OMG lucky to get dressed/empty dishwasher etc never mind have the energy to do that!), Don't be embarrassed to seek help, and don't be embarrassed to seek help again and again until you are satisfied that you are getting the help that is right for you and that you deserve. Sometimes it's just as matter of getting that wee switch to flick right so you can string a sentence together again and that's the starting point. I wish you all luck, please don't suffer in silence as everyone deserves to be listened to no matter how hard it is to get the words out. This is easy for me to say as I'm feeling well for the moment, it's taken a long time....

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mummyof3kiddies said on 12 September 2012

Just been to see my doctor as i have been suffering with frequent headaches, dizziness, tiredness, blurred vision, achy limbs amongst other things since having my baby 7 months ago. He told me that he thinks i am suffering from depression and stress, on hearing this i walked out cos i don.t believe i am. I don't associate stress with my physical symptoms that i am suffering with. So basically i was just wondering if anyone else has had the same. Thank you x

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amycol said on 06 September 2012

im just wondering if any of you can help me.
Im feeling very down, ive felt this way for the past few months. I have no idea why im feeling as i am, i randomly burst into tears all the time and i feel ive lost my get up and go. Im finding it really hard to speak to anyone about how im feeling as i honestly cant describe it. I feel as if people are just thinking im a drama queen but none of them are inside my head and are feeling what i am. I dont know what to do about it.

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trog24 said on 23 August 2012

Idontknow00, I read your comment and it was as though I was reading about myself (apart from some of the absolute specifics, obviously). I finished my degree 2 months ago and have moved in with my sister who I haven't lived with for 8 years. She asked me to see a GP because she was so surprised by the way I was. I've had a really tough, stressful year - for various reasons. I think the worry has built up and now taken it's toll. However, I also wonder if I have had some issues with anxiety and depression for a while. Looking back on living with my housemates, I was very difficult. I was, at times, hateful, snappy and extremely irritable. I worry about ever single tiny thing and there is nothing anyone can say that will help me become more rational. For the past few weeks, there have been occasions where I've been out with family and have felt myself trying not to cry, not listening to what's going on, feeling like if I don't go home and get in bed now I will fall to pieces on the sport. I rarely get get out of my pyjamas, never bother wearing make up (which is totally not like me at all), my sleep is disrupted and I've come out in a rash. My boyfriend went away for three months and came back last week. When i saw him, I didn't want to go out, I didn't want him to touch me, I felt awful, he didn't understand. I wonder if this may just be the transition from uni life and the worry that I am not good enough to find a good job, as many of my course mates have done. I haven't even applied for jobs that I'm qualified for, because I don't want to be rejected/not cope if I get one. I am due to start a job soon, one which I'm highly over qualified for, but it seems like all I can manage right now. I don't know what to do. I don't recognize myself, I've lost all the good bits to my character. I feel like I've ruined my sisters summer, let my family down and messed up my life. I know that's silly but I feel so hopeless.

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AngeLiz said on 18 August 2012

Reading these comments has been a revelation for me as this time last year I was in exactly the same boat. It is true that you can't empathise with people who suffer from depression, unless you've been there.

My depression was totally out of the blue and if anyone had said that I'd end up getting depression I'd have laughed at them. I'd always been a positive, person, with lots of friends and a bright outlook on life. I didn't fit any of the types that people warn are suseptible to this illness.

Then I lost my job, during the recession, which didn't in itself, bring out depression. But then a fruitless 8 months of constantly looking for a new one, sending out hundreds of CV's and applications, even going into see companies directly, all came to nothing. I was 34, on the dole, no money and no hope.

I think the 8 month deadline of being out of work was when it really hit home. I'd stopped seeing friends, as I didn't want their pity or worse their optimism (it'll get better). I also couldn't afford to go out with them, couldn't afford a holiday or even to run my car. My social life dried up to nothing and I lost interest in all the things I'd loved doing, sports, going to parties, even reading a book.

I lost my appetite and my weight dropped off. I stopped caring about myself, I couldn't be bothered to have a shower or change my clothes. Often I'd spend all day in my pyjamas. I became snappy and irritable to my Mum, for no reason, other than I was sick of my life and my seeming inability to change it. Often I wouldn't get up till the afternoon.

Then out of the blue I was offered a temp job. I took it and suddenly had a routine again. I had money and started socialising with colleagues. Little things but they all helped me claw my way out of the pit. A year on I'm still there and life looks better. I still have off days but they are rarer. I'd given up but then I got another chance at life. I wish the same for everyone here. There is hope!

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idontknow00 said on 14 August 2012

recently a few things have happened that have been making me think maybe I could be depressed. I’ve come back from uni for 4 months of living back at home and I think this time at home may be bringing a few things out in me that I hadn’t thought about before but I don’t know if it could be depression, over the past couple of weeks my nan broke her arm and had a cancer scare, leaving my mum in a state and me being her emotional prop as such, and that’s what I do a lot of the time, but it’s effected me a lot more than I thought and I’ve been feeling extremely low. My friends have been there but I haven’t wanted to see them and when I do go out I just want to go home, thinking of excuses and blaming leaving or cancelling on money or needing to help mum. Being around them makes me feel blank. When they try and arrange to see me I have been getting overly panicked and stressed and feeling stressed at other points for no reason, but its so strong it makes me well up and want to cry. I am usually such an outwardly happy and calm person, who thrives off time with others but at the moment I can’t do it, i’m just grumpy and irritable or I find myself staring into space not listening to any surroundings. I’ve also been blocking out uni friends blaming it on being bad with my phone. Theres other things I thought were just personality traits that I just don’t know if it could be depression, I’m often paranoid and convince myself people I love, family members old friends, hate me and dislike me if I say something wrong and thinking about it I have had low points for no reason before but had just brushed them off. I’m scared to talk to anyone because I don’t know if it could be depression, I feel like I’m being dramatic and if I just wait 5 more weeks then I’ll be back at uni and it’ll be ok but I’m scared it won’t be and that I’ve just made myself aware of problems I’ve had all along and it’s all I can think about.

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nullified said on 26 July 2012

I remembered my fight with depression, and felt like reading the comment I left here. Turns out, that was almost exactly 1yr ago! Looking back, I posted my comment just as I was stepping into suicidal territory.. Now it's hard to believe I escaped.. it just feels surreal, like waking up from a vivid dream.

Yes, it's been a very slow healing process: regaining self-awareness, realising I can’t control everything around me and loving myself all over again. I am a lot happier with who I am. I also accept the fact that I will never be the same person I used to be; but I can be a better one. I have a long way to go, but at least now I know what I can do to get there.

It turns out that depression really creates a murky mind. I discovered how my behaviour and actions may have sometimes worsened my situation. I discovered that sometimes people can’t be happy, because they base it on an ideal of what a happy person should look and be like. I learnt that I could be happy if I just stopped caring about other people's opinions and focussed on getting to know myself. I really believe that loving yourself is the first step to seeing a more colourful world that's brimming with opportunities.

I think it took me about 5 years to seek help. So sad. To those people asking whether they are depressed, the simple fact you are questioning yourself should prompt you into action. And if you do take action, well done - you won't be “losing” years of your life to an illness that is literally just in your mind.

Thank you again for your stories, and to the NHS. For things you do not even know, thank you!

@Mummysboy – Your son needs to realise he has a problem (not just be diagnosed) before he can be cured. It may help to get your son to read this page.

@Ara - I hope my own journey can show you that you already have everything you need to be a success, maybe not exactly as you see it your head but a success nonetheless.

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drea40 said on 23 July 2012

draculabus

I have felt the way you do right now. 3 years on my life has got better. There are times I sit in the bath and cry just like you, and that's ok for me to do now because I allow it rather than feel guilty for being weak. I go up and down in mood but mostly now i can recognise when the bad times are coming and intervene in them. Not always but sometimes.

May I suggest you ask gp for CBT when you can face going. it may help you, I know a couple of people it has really made a big change for.

Hoping you find your happy place xx


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draculabus said on 22 July 2012

Just thought id share my story. Basically i'm at the lowest point in my life. Everyday is filled with so much pain and self loathing. Everyone tells me to hold on because it gets better but inside, I'm severely starting to doubt that. 2 years ago i was in school for audio engineering as music was my passion. While there, i took a loud audio burst in my right ear. After that, i was convinced that i couldn't hear as well as i used to. I had a nervous breakdown, dropped out and went back home. Now i'm back at a new college for audio but i just don't enjoy music as much anymore, and its killing me inside. How something that i was so passionate about is now gone. And my grades are not that great. Add this with a lifetime of being picked on and made to feel like i had no worth. I'm 25 and i feel myself getting older with no real accomplishments or job opportunities. Every day i wake up feeling worse than before knowing that my life is now hollow because i don't believe in anything anymore. Sometimes i just sit and cry in the shower. I just live in my room and play video games to pass the time. I go to class but i can't pay attention because i'm so lost in my misery and self loathing. I think of death everyday. I don't want to kill myself as that would hurt my mother and best friend horribly but I long for that sweet release of all this pain. This is not living a life. I got to the point where i'm on antidepressants now but my faith in them is nil as they just medicate, never taking care of the root problem that is embedded in our psyche. To all the other readers and tellers of their own stories, I hope that we can rid ourselves of all this pain but i think that being born a human is the worst curse ever.

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JasonDaniel said on 20 July 2012

I find myself reading sites and comments on this topic all day while at work. I am 30, four years divorced, have three beautiful daughters but have suffered from depression since as long as I can remember. I can sincerely remember feeling empty at the age of ten, but as is life lots of different things papered over the cracks over the years. I had a bad relationship over the past two years, some things my fault and others hers, had a bad bout of depression last year and was prescribed pills which almost killed me. I now find myself single, waking every morning with an overwhelming sense that I don't want to be here anymore, I can't find the motivation to do anything, I tell myself to not eat (maybe self harm) but find myself eating horrifically bad stuff. I tried to kill myself two weeks ago - in reality it was probably more of a cry for help - but no one helped. The hospital got me out as soon as possible, any mental help have weeks and weeks of waiting lists, and all my suicide attempt did was show me truly how alone I am. My phone never vibrates, my email never pings. I have every one of the symptons on this articles list and such is my overwhelming sense of loneliness I feel I can only find happiness if I find someone, yet I know in my heart someone will never come and I will be alone forever. I have no friends either (I am just a very unlikeable man), which doesn't help and as I've been like this for so many years I don't really know how to make friends. I overthink everything - i am NEVER happy. I feel selfish reading the comments on here - where people have truly bad reasons for depression - and I just don't want to be here. I am so fed up of anyone around me saying I have no reason to be depressed. I just want someone to hold my hand.

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lorri06 said on 15 July 2012

Tom16, Reading your post has made me join to answer. I am so sorry for the way you are feeling and you are right talking to someone may not change your physical appearance but it can change the way you feel about it and the way you live your life. I am not a doctor and so I don't know if everything that can be done to help with your mouth has been done but please go back to your GP and explain how you are feeling. Have you been in contact with the organisation changing faces? I have known a few people who having suffered disfigurement suffered long periods of depression but with help from people who really understand, who have been through the same thing, have been able to change thier lives , and form happy relationships ( not always possisible when you have not suffered from disfigurment). As we get older people are less concerned with physical appearance and more with the person, you owe it you yourself to get help and talk through the way you feel to help lift your depression. Please get in touch with your GP and changing Faces, you have nothing to loose by giving it a go even if you feel sceptical

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Pandora36 said on 12 July 2012

Dear Timmytheous,
I never comment on websites but felt compelled to comment on your post. I have been in a very similar situation to you and I know how hard it must be. I too was married and my husband did not understand and could not accept my diagnosis of depression. We tried everything including couple counselling, but for us it falied. I am not saying this is the case for you but right now you have a massive fight on your hands and that isn't just for your marriage that is for your health. I hate to say this but you are going to have to be really selfish and put yourself first in order to recover from this episode of depression you are going through. You can and will do it, I have no doubt. You are not being too dramatic. The crying, the lack of motivation are all symptoms of your current illness. You have taken such a brave step by going to your doctor and getting some medication and going back when the first lot didn't work. It will get better! I am saying this to you as someone who is now on medication for the fourth episode of deprression and receiving counselling.
Regarding your husband- only you know your own marriage but what I would say is that maybe he is scared. People in general are scared by any mental health issues, I know I have worked in the field for 11 years. He encouraged you to go to the doctor in the first place. It is so difficult for loved ones to not be able to 'fix' us but only we can heal ourselves. Please work at looking after yourself, just take one day at a time and don't give up hope, easy to say I know, you can do this and recover your health and get your life back. I really believe that xxxxxxx

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timmytheous said on 09 July 2012

I have had two lots of depression in the past 7 years. I married my best friend four years ago and gave up work as he has a good job. For approx the past year I have not been a good wife I have let the housework slide and haven't cooked many meals. I have lost my appitite and motivation to do things and am not sleeping well. Because I was working when previously diagnosed I did not think this was depression... I had no panic attacks and no intense feelings of being unable to cope. I finally went to the doctors when my husband suggested it and was diagnosed as depressed. The first lot of tablets kept me awake so these have been changed to ones that make me sleepy. My husband left me last friday he didn't give the pills chance to work. He's came round saturday and said he needed more time to think things through and again today to say it was too late. he left when I couldn't stop crying saying I was being too dramatic and if I loved him I would accept some responsibility for the marriage ending. I have asked him multiple times to look up depression but he thinks he knows enough and I am being lazy and acting like a victim. He says if i stop acting like that and take the blame he will not give up on us. Any advice???

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tom16 said on 16 June 2012

When I was 16 I had an accident that left my face significantly disfigured. I have never been able to shut my mouth properly as a result of this. When people look at me they instantly think far less of me, and have very little respect for me, in contrast to what was previously the case before the accident. (Throughout a childhood characterized by difficulty, pain and very few friends, the fact that I had been moderately good-looking before the accident had until that point served as a small chink of light for me in my life). When I hear of people being depressed as a result of a relationship break up I find such people very difficult to relate to. For me the notion of ever even having a relationship, so important to so many people, is completely out of the question. I can never even look at a woman in a romantic sense and will never have a girlfriend and certainly never have a wife or family. And this consequence of my accident is only the by-product of tertiary importance. By far the most significant consequence of the accident is simply never being able to shut my mouth. I would give anything for that and for the peace that-that would bring, and to be able to sleep peacefully for even one night. Pills can never fix my face or give me anything like the life I once had and could and should have had. Talking to someone about my situation will never allow me to lead a normal or decent life. Suicides are often portrayed as people who might have been saved had they had help. Often they are simply ending a life that is too much to bear. If God exists what sort of a God is it that leaves people severely physically impaired, when ending their life would have been far more merciful. Only a lack of courage keeps me alive.

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missbinky said on 09 June 2012

I have almost all of the symptoms mentioned above and have done since June last year. I don't know if it is depression that I am suffering with but I would presume so, even saying that seems unreal. I am worried about going to my GP because I don't want to be referred to talking therapy or counselling. I don't think this type of treatment will work for me. I have a very supportive family who, prior to this year, I was extremely close to, and the thought of opening up my feelings to them gets me extremely panicky. I have started at university in the last year, meeting new people and having the chance to confide in people who know nothing of me or my situation, and this also is unthinkable to me. I've had panic attacks over the thought of trying to explain to my GP. I don't really know what to do at the minute as I am nineteen and am not sure how seriously I will be taken. I don't want to involve my family in what I am experiencing at the minute, as it will only cause them to fuss, which will cause further anxiety and stress. Hopefully medication or some other form of treatment will improve my state but I am having trouble building up the confidence to go to my GP to begin with. I had considered my homeopath as this has seemed to help a close friend of mine, however, as she also treats my family and has known me for many years I'm not even sure how to do that, I will almost definitely just end up in a crying mess. So now I'm pretty much stuck on what to do... Any help?

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Kerrencr said on 06 June 2012

Hi guys, to the person who is unsure they are depressed unfortunately you are!! You are not alone. You should go to your gp or find a better gp and explain everything! I'm 26 and was diagnosed with depression when I was 15. I have chronic depression and a anxiety disorder. I'm currently having a bad episode. I don't sleep well maybe 4 hours, every 3/4 days I will go 36+ hours without sleeping. I can hardly eat because it makes me sick even though I am over weight and love food. I've been self harming sincse I was about 12. I hate myself they eat I look, I feel like everyone hates me or judges me. I've stopped seeing friends or leaving my house due to anxiety. I don't have the energy to do anything abd I stay in my pjs for days on end. I find it hard getting motivation for a bath and I'm a bath girl. I know how you all feel and it's the worst feeling in the world. Speak out about your illness don't be ashamed you will be suprised at how many people around you suffer. I hope you all get better. But please talk to people about it, for years I've kept it all inside but I openly speak about it and everyone is very helpful. It also helps my bf of 4 years is very supportive. I know how hard this life is. I constantly think the world would be better off without me I feel like a failure a freak, ugly, fat and undeserving of the life I had. I could of died on a few occasions my own doing but for some reason I'm still here. Get medication and something that makes me feel healthier inside is home made smoothies with nice fruit you like.tou can get free counselling aswell. Support other with the illness let them know you are there and find someone who will be there. It's more common than you think.i wish you all the best xx

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Sba 77 said on 05 June 2012

I don't get how u live with depression, it's not a life, u don't do anything and things need to be done in life. I can't go on like this as I might as well be dead, but I've got to put this facade on cause I'm going back to college and it's effort so I'll never be properly happy I can't change the way things are . I need CBT but I don't even like talking to anyone, and I know they're gonna think I'm a loser, it's embarrassing aswell. Don't know what I'm gonna do and how anyone's going to help me no1 understands me and people try to cheer me up but it's nonsense cause it's proper depression and if I told them the problems I had they'd probably top themselves and if they had any sort of people trying to tell you it's not that bad or you have a good life they wouldn't like it, it's even more depressing than the truth.

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Sba 77 said on 04 June 2012

I have pretty much all the symptoms, fatigue, loss of appetite, lost weight, can't even remember last time I went out the house but yesterday actually managed to have a shower after absolute weeks, haven't brushed my hair in so long it's all matted and i keep getting no sleep because of spiders in my room. Wrote down all the problems and they consist of I think I've got aspergers, no friends, no family, no money, sexually frustrated, no boyfriend,,life's just s*** basically

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olivia98 said on 28 May 2012

im 13 and dont talk to my famiy about stuff like this. they's just tell me im stupid. i've been talking to a couple of friends and stuff about depression and anxiety and that im experiencing an extravagant amount of symptoms but they dont know what to do with me. everything i do i feel insecure and cant talk to anyone about anything:/ i feel so low right now, can somebody help me?:(

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tammzn said on 26 May 2012

im a 21 year old female and im not sure if i have depression. i get very sad sometimes and it happens more and more often now and so i end up crying a lot. nothing majorly bad has happened in my life, jus normal stuff that i should nt really be getting sad over. i do have a lot of the symptoms mentioned such as binge eating, not enjoying anything, and il make up any excuse to get out of meeting with freinds even if it means il be sitting at home in my pjs watchin tv. and when i do meet up with them, i have no interest in what twer doing at the timeor what we're talking about. my brithday is coing up and my freinds all ask what i wna do buh i honestly dnt want to do anything and now it feels lyk im forced to becasue all my freinds know its my brithday and want to celebrate buh i would so rather just stay in bed at home. i really dont know if this is the start of depression or is this normal for some people, these low days are getting too frequent so im thinkin it could be mild depression. in these low days, i just feel so bad and i just cry ans cry and also get angry at people around me. this isnt pms because it happens every three days or so now. whenever i do hav a low day, all i want to do is escape from everyone. i wou,d love to jugt go to another country by myself or stay wiv my nan who lives in another country.. all i want to do is escape the surrounding and people im around at the moment. can anyone please let me know what i should do, i cant carry on feeling like this, its been going on for nearly 6 months but someties im convinced it cant be anything serious and my gp would just tel me its nothing so theres no point going to him. if anyone can jus reply and tel me if it is depression or is this normal? thank you

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Djv said on 20 May 2012

I have been to my GP about depression, as I have alot of the symptoms and my partner and family also said that they think I have depression. My GP told me that it could be because I am overweight and need to do exercise, I weigh 11 stone and I am 6 ft 2. He made me feel like I am making everything up and that I just need to loose weight and that will solve all of my problems. I still suffer from the symptoms and refuse to go to my GP about anything now.

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Louise15 said on 16 May 2012

Im only a teenager and i have started showing symptoms of depression over the past few weeks. i know what has led to these symptoms and some days they can be worse than others ive not told anyone apart from one friend about these symptoms i dont know what to do about them im only a teenager and have never dealt with anything like this before . i know you all think i sound stupid because im only young but anyone can suffer from depression.

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guinevere67 said on 10 May 2012

i have most of the symptoms of depression but think i have been trying to deny it for a long time. i blame myself for everything. i have two teenage girls and have been remarried for 7 years. i came from a marriage where i put a happy front on all the time in front of others to the extent that no one could believe why i left. He was a soldier and we lived abroad, i had a good job and loads of friends, but i didnt want anyone to know that he was very controlling and made me feel guilty for everything. When i left, with my girls, i had to start all over again in this country, leaving behind my job and all my friends. i had little support from my family cos id done such a good job of covering the hurt that they blamed me for leaving. When i met and married a lovely man who took on me and the girls i thought id be ok. The fact that he didnt nag me for sex all the time and didnt follow me around all the time, checking up on me and checking my friends was a breath of fresh air. But over the years its started to make me feel quite lonely. i have no friends outside work and find it hard to leave the house other than work. My husband is a lovely man but finds it hard to show emotion and i now find it hard to communicate with him as i feel so down all the time. My girls are at an age now where they are making their own way in life and no longer need me to do things for them. I feel totally useless now as a wife and a mother and its having an effect on my marriage because the more i try to get any emotion out of my husband, the more he tends to shut down. now i feel like im totally on my own and sometimes i just drive out in my car and sit in the middle of nowhere for hours. i know my behaviour is totally irrational and i worry all the time that hes had enough. i just feel like no one gives a damn

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babyblue123 said on 07 May 2012

as everybody knows, one less stress is one less bit depressed. the second thing i did was to make an effort to go to a class, sure it is still hard and sometimes i only make it in one day a week, but when i get into my classroom sit down and my day begins i feel a little triamph that i did it, i got their, i made it easy on myself to do this by not bothering with make up or looking nice just wearing what i felt was quick and easy so it wasnt such a mission to get up with the knowledge that i didnt have to bother with make up or hair straighting, was one thing that allowed me to find it easier to get out the door, so when the day finished i could curl up in bed with the knowledge that i had done something useful and productive in the right direction and it helped me sleep. getting a whole peice of coursework done and in on time was a huge part of over comming my depression, i started out small, doing small peices of work that were only 300 words or so, putting in the effort and handing it in, and it was the best feeling knowing i didnt have to skip that day, or make up an excuse in class,overcomming those tiny little obstacals can make all the different in the way you feel, it took me 3 weeks of doing little but eventually i started doing a bit more coursework, going in a few more times and as my stress and worrying calmed down, the more i was determined to shine threw, sometimes i still slip back into my old habbit but i inform my tutors truthfully of why im not in, and try and do something little, if i couldnt get up for college even just doing the washing up or changing the bed sheets helps me know that i havnt layed in bed all day and lost the day. whatever works for you but i hope this inspires peoples You can beat depression! X

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babyblue123 said on 07 May 2012

unfortunately i know like most people how depression affects you, im 19 years old and recently decided to go back to college, its great the first month, when everythings new and exciting your doing something you love and you cant wait to finally do something with your life then bam! depression hits you in the face, it started off by taking a day off here and there just to be lazy and have a good sleep and relaxing time, that's how it started, slowly i began taking more time off as i felt i could do my coursework on my own free will at home, but that wasn't the case, i started getting behind on little bits of work so when they were due in id miss college and then spend ages trying to make up an excuses as to why i wasn't in, which began to make me feel really worthless, like i could have gone in but was just to lazy too, as the coursework piled up on me i lost my motivation to do it which made me feel like crap, i then started finding it difficult to get up for my alarms and then would decided to take the day off so i could sleep, but would end up wide awake 1 hour after my lessons stated and then i would cry because i know i should have gone in and didnt but i just couldnt face all the questions and shouting from my tutors. ive now got to the stage where all i want to do is lie in bed all day long, the only thing i get up and do is go to my one day a week job which i do still enjoy, but even know im starting to loose my movitation for that! however I have found a way to help deal with this type of depression and it can be applied to all sorts! i began telling myself to ensure i informed my course tutors of what was going on, which made me feel a bit better, i told them i was still interested in the course and wanted to continue and they were supportive and didnt threaten to kick me off as long as i kept them updated and made an effort to hand work in, so slowly i stated to hand in peices of prority work so that was one less stress for me - continue in next post

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Ashcutus said on 03 May 2012

I'm writing this almost as as a release more than anything!

I was with my now ex partner for 3 1/2 years, and when I met her she was uffering with severe depression, and being nieve I really didnt know what the problem was. After several months of mood swings and arguments, I understood exactly what was happening, the times to give space, and the times to just give her a cuddle. She is still recovering, but she is getting there, and I wish her all the best.

Now, during our time together, i went from being in a stable job, to being made unempployed. I ended up moving in with her, but now we have seperated I have found myself on my own, in a very poorly paid job, away from everyone I care about. I have found myself waking up at all hours of the night, even when i'm exausted, I'm now drinking more than I did before (i've always liked a beer), and eating complete crap. I have lost motivation for the work I do (in a job I do enjoy) and have even got to the stage of snapping at people.

If I was looking in on myself, I would say go get help, but I just dont know what to do. I feel like i'm trapped in a cage of wake up, goto work, come home, pay bills - rinse and repeat. I dont eat several days of the week because I cant afford to.

Anyways, I've had a bit of a rant, its made me feel a bit better, but if anyone is reading these who knows someone in a similar position to me, just let them know you care, ask them to talk (my ex hated it, but when she opened up, had a bit of a cry she felt better) -I dont have anyone atm - let them know, and for gods sake dont say "just get on with it" - you will be doing more harm than you know,

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_AraKhan said on 30 April 2012

My name's Ara and I'm 20. I have 14 symptoms of depression stated above. For a few months now, I've been feeling really down on my self, I've no friends, no motivation, no fun in life, thinking suicidal thoughts and I don't feel happy. I'm studying to go University next year to study BSC childrens nursing, but I feel like I won't get anywhere because my academic writing is just making me fail my courseworks. I can't reach a distinction and I'm always getting a pass. I can't produce any excellent work. I feel really sad about myself everyday, I cry sometimes when the atmosphere is quiet. I feel really unhappy, I've no friends to enjoy life with. Everything is difficult. Stress and pressure just keeps adding on

I feel like I won't ever become a nurse because the motivation for it is just gone. I'm not doing well in College. Universities have rejected me. My mother, on the other hand degrades me. I may have dyslexia and that has made a big affect on my work because I feel as I'm to dumb that I can't submit any work. Nobody understands. I don't want to be in this world anymore. My mother doesn't let me out of the house, and because of that I have no friends to go out with. I feel too sad to do anything

I can't even get out of bed to attend College/work and my attendance and punctuality has gone below 80%. I feel stupid, I don't understand tasks for cousework. My life feels completely crap. I have no hobbies anymore. All I do is cry. I feel as I won't have a successful future. I'm crying as I write this, I feel I will never become a nurse. All I ever wanted to do was show my family I am able to do what I love, but in fact I can't do what I love because I'm stupid. My daily life upsets me

When I sleep, I would wake up atleast 3pm and miss half a day. If I make plans to go out with my relatives or to go gym I can never wake up for my alarm. I feel like there is nothing to wake up for. Everyday I wake up, I feel as what is there to do? I will never be successful

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Vix B said on 23 April 2012

Comment to Annibeth. I was made redundant 7 years ago and have not had a proper job since. It has been very hard but after seeing a close relative diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and losing my brother in a car accident at only 27yrs old, I realise how very lucky I am. I still dont have a full time job, (not through lack of trying) but I volunteer help one day a week in a local school and also at a brownie guides group which is only one hour a week but its great fun and I have recovered a lot of my self esteem by helping in these organisations.I have come to realise you dont have to be in a paid job to make a worthwhile contribution and feel good about yourself.

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AnniBeth said on 18 April 2012

I've read these comments with interest because up until a year ago I'd never even thought about depression or the many people suffering from it. If you'd told me then I'd now be one of them I'd have laughed at you. Then I lost my job in the recession.

This was a shock but did not cause any immediate alarm, as I thought I'd soon find something else. I'm 34 with a degree and a good level of work experience. Which I've soon learned means nothing now. Over a year later and over 1, 000 unsuccessful job applications has taken their toll.

I've gone from a happy, outgoing person with lots of friends and a busy social life to a sad, withdrawn and reclusive woman who has no interest in anything anymore. I struggle to get out of bed every day as there seems no point, with no structure and no routine. I have no appetite anymore and have lost 3 stone without even trying.

I often cry over nothing, then feel stupid for doing so. I wear the same pyjama's for weeks and can't be bothered to wash my hair when before I was meticulous about my appearance. People say go on holiday or get out and see friends, but my friends all work and I can't afford to go away or go on trips with them anymore, so it's a catch 22.

Even going to the kitchen to make a cup of tea seems too much effort. I still apply for jobs but it's almost on autopilot now, as I know deep down it's pointless. I feel worthless and useless, a total waste of space and on the scrap heap, like so many others. Every night I close my eyes and wish I was someone else as I hate being me. And all this because I lost my job.

I guess what I'm trying to say is depression can affect anyone at any time, no matter what your current circumstances. I'd give anything to go back to last year and be the person I was again but I fear it's too late now, I'm just beyond all help and what's even worse is I feel I've let my family down more than myself. When they look at me I see the disappointment. So I know how you all feel.

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AnniBeth said on 18 April 2012

I've found reading these comments very interesting, because up until a year ago, I never gave more than a passing thought to depression or those who suffered from it. If you'd told me then I'd now be suffering from it myself, I'd have laughed at you. Then I was made redundant from my job. While this was a shock, it didn't immediately affect me. I was sure with my skills and experience I'd soon find something else and duly set out applying for jobs. Over a year and over 800 unsuccessful applications later has taken its toll. I've gone from being a happy, outgoing person with lots of friends and a great social life to a sad, withdrawn and reclusive person. I find it hard to get out of bed, as there seems no point anymore with no structure and no routine to my day. I apply for jobs still, but it's almost on autopilot now, going through the motions as I know nothing will come of them. I've lost all interest in friends, family and socialising. My once healthy appetite is poor; I never feel hungry and have lost over 2 stone without even trying. People say go out and do something, go on holiday or go see friends, to try and help. But my friends all work and I can't afford to go away or do anything, so it's a catch 22. I find it hard to get to sleep at night, which was never a problem before and even walking into the kitchen to make a cup of tea seems too much effort. I often start crying about nothing at all, then hate myself for being so ridiculous. I often wear the same pyjama's for weeks and can't be bothered to wash my hair, when before I was meticulous about my clothes and appearance. My body aches with lethargy but the thought of going out for a walk is even too much effort. I'm 34 and feel like my life is useless and hopeless and I'm no good to anyone. Just on the scrap heap like so many others. And all this because I lost my job. This illness really can happen to anyone at any time, no matter what your current circumstances.

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useless1 said on 17 April 2012

i know im depressed, i have been told by lots of people i need help, but in my religion we have organised marages, and once i have a mental health record there is no chance, and i will be alone for ever.
I am 24 years old, i did a BSC in childrens nursing, finished the course, but disided not to practice, then i worked for a year until i dicided to do a teacher training course. i hate teaching, i speak much to fast and get very anxious. i know its stupid but i cant slow down. I failed a placement, and the rest of the course are doing amazingly. i want to quit, but i dont know what i want to do, i have already quit two things........
my grandfather died recently, everyone thinks i am crying because of that, but i just feel numb about that, ( it was a sudden death which resulted in me doing cpr in the street...) i just cry all the time because i feel so hopeless, i feel like i have no future, my younger sister recently got engaged........ i just feel so stupid all the time, i was labeled with dyslexia when i was a kid, but always ignored it, now i realise i am not like everyone else and i really am special needs.......
i know i need help but i have worked with mentel health professionals in the past and have little faith in them.......................

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Mummysboy said on 17 April 2012

My son has been diagnosed with depression ,at the moment he is totally not himself he's ruined his relationship with his girlfriend & not interested in his own daughter or anything else , he's been on tablets for 1 week ..we don't know how long he's had it but he's had trouble at work for a while ..i just hope when he sees a counciler (sorry can't spell that ) that they can help him ..he's living back home with us for a couple of weeks but i don't know what he can do when his own family is splitting up & he says he's leaving here today ... we feel so helpless & don't know what to do for him but we don't want him on his own ....

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JudgeMeNotMyDepression said on 15 April 2012

Im 20, ive had depression since i can remember, im just getting sick of not sleeping, the horrible thoughts and the blankness i go through everyday. I am obsessed with music but even that makes things worst, ive spoken to my mum and brother about it but they think im joking, i constantly where a long sleeved t shirt to stop these so called "perfect" people making remarks or judgements about the scars on my arms and if they do see them and say something it makes me just want to add another one to the tally chart of times i want out of this hell, ive no real idea who am i anymore, i just seem to be another statistic to anyone, i have a few friends who understand me but thier idea of helping is "come down to the pub mate" which is the last place i want to find meself for certain reasons.

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lilykiss12 said on 11 April 2012

Im 22 and have had depresion for the last few years, some months i feel ok but the majority of the time i feel so low i just dont have the energy to get out of bed.
I did see my GP last year and she reccomended me for couselling, whih i didnt find helpful at all so i cancelled the sessions.
At the moment im at a real low point and i feel so guilty becaus i have nothing to make me feel sad, i have an amazing partner, a fantastic job and a stable home life, this is what i think started making me feel low because i moved in with my mum at 17 and we did not get on at all and had rguments pretty much everyday untli she kicked me out for good a year ago for not looking after her dogs at the weekend.
I sometimes wish that something bad would happen to me so that i would get noticed by my family and they showed that they loved me evn though i know they do, my mum thinks i am attention seeking and do not have depression which is ironic as she is a mental health nurse.
to be honest i just want somebody to talk to, i dont feel as though my partner or my family will understand what i am going though and i dont feel as though i can talk to them.

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Shannon95Louise said on 10 April 2012

I'm 16 years old and have around 8 symptoms from the list. I've been feeling low for about a year but when i tried to explain it i couldn't. It has recently got worse as i was kicked out of my parents house because my and mum would always argue. i was also on an apprenticeship and i lost my job as they went into recession, i felt as though everything hit me at once and the only thing keeping me going was my job. Recently i found myself cancelling plans with the girls because i just can't face going out. I'd find myself bursting into tears over nothing then i would get angry at myself because i don't know why i was crying. i don't know what to do or if i should be feeling like this. The thing that made me question my behavior was when i was getting ready this morning i just felt so ugly and worthless i just wanted to cut off all my hair i tried pulling it out, i got myself into such a state. Most of the time i want to run away, but i want to run away from myself so i don't feel like this anymore. I don't have anyone to talk too as i can't explain why i feel like this. Any advice would be appreciated.

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kiloherz said on 04 April 2012

I'm in my late 40's, single, have nearly all of the psych symptoms, and a few of the others. I've had very mild depression before and doc gave me a numbing cocktail which I hated. Don't want that again but also don't want to feel so utterly pointless. I'm aware that outwardly just going through the motions of living, being a nice chap etc but inwardly feel that everything is a waste of time; worried that inner feelings will overtake me. Fighting it but don't know if I'm winning. Any one know what I'm talking about and if you do, some ideas please.

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LL01 said on 02 April 2012

13 can be tough there is a lot going on physically and mentally!! and don't get me started on parents being unfair!! I know this as I'm a parent of 2 teenagers and sometimes I get it wrong and can be too tough on them!!
There is help out there but it can be difficult to find the right sort.
Here is a link to some self help that has free downloads and workbooks.

http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/freedownloads2.htm

I would say try working through some of this stuff first you might find it difficult but that might be because you're not feeling great- but keep at it even if you only do a little bit at a time.

And if it gets worse or is not improving then seek more help. You could try talking to a teacher but make sure it is one you feel comfortable with and don't worry if they don't respond right- I think it can be frightening for them we someone shares this sort of thing. You can also see if the school has a counsellor or pastoral care that can help.

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MikeyBL said on 25 March 2012

I was doing homework on different illnessess for Science and realised that when I found this I have 8 Phsycological symptoms, 2 Physical symptoms and all of the social symptoms. I know I am always down because my mum always tells me to brighten up a little bit and I think she really worried about me. My dad and sister don't help at all either they just make my life worse. My sister annoys me to the point that I start hitting he with things and my dad is basically saying I do everything wrong and then I get massive concequences for it. Today I said the F word because I hurt my foot and I got grounded for five weeks. I'm pretty sure that made it ten times worse. I'm only 13 and I know I'm suffering depression. It started a couple weeks ago because I used to love hockey but now I just can't be asked to play it.

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JordanAnonymous said on 22 March 2012

I've been experiencing 16 of these listed symptoms for around a year now, though they've been getting gradually worse. I'm only 15 years old, should I be worried?

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Eden19 said on 22 March 2012

I don't want to admit to myself that I have a problem let alone an illness. I feel like its all just hit me at one even though iv been feeling like this on and off for the past year one month I'm 'depressed' the next month I'm fine. People seam to be concerned about me but i just keep telling them "I'm okay" and "not to worry about me". Deep down inside I know I'm not okay. All this has only just come to light today as a tutor at college pulled me to one side and asked me how I was and told me she though I was depressed and that its an illness that's not my fault and that I should got to my GP, this really made me realise everything, that all the signs and symptoms pointed towards it. Not sleeping, No appetite what so every, no interest in men or sex at all, feeling so low about myself and that I'll never get able to get into uni because I wont be able to get the grades all I have to do is make myself do the work but I cant and I don't know why because iv got 3 conditional places. I feel like I'm being so selfish and just want to be 'me' again and be happy. I think its got alot to do with a bad break up with my ex boyfriend and me still loving him, yet he's really happy with his pretty skinny blonde girlfriend.

I don't want to be like this I just want to go back to the old me instead of being sat here crying whilst writing this, because iv just admitted everything to strangers that I don't feel able to share with my closest friends.

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Jman001 said on 06 March 2012

How can you tell if you're starting to have depression? I've read the information on the site, and whilst helpful I am still uncertain if I am starting to have a period of depression. I don't know as I don't have any overwhelming sense of sadness or feeling worthless. Rather I can see some changes in my behaviour, like a marked increase in spending time at home alone, and whilst I still go out with friends, I find it a little difficult to keep up social interactions with new people. However, there is no change in my interaction with close friends. My sleeping patterns have changed as I have can't sleep till after 3am each night, and I've started neglecting some minor household chores. I realise that the symptoms and types of depression are numerous, but are there some common signs? The ones that are listed, I don't think that I have. Anyhow thanks for any suggestions or advice.

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stepbystep said on 24 February 2012

I have suffered with depression and anxiety for around 16 years on and off. Recently I have had a bad period of depression and my Psychiatrist has ignored my pleas for help. I was told off for over-sleeping even though I cannot stay awake for more than about 4 hours a day and she actually said to me 'You have a lovely husband and 2 children, what do you have to be depressed about?' At which point I actually lost it and broke down. How am I supposed to get better when the 'experts' speak to me like this?
I have begged for help and got nowhere. I am now lower than I have ever been, I've lost all my friends and family and have nothing to go on for. I'm even a burden to my Psychiatrist who's supposed to be there to help me. What a joke.

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shakiirah said on 21 February 2012

i have been saffering depression since 1996 sometime i feel like i should give up.i dont seem to do right on what every i do in like. i just want someone to tell me it going to get batter.

what life if you dont know how to be happy!

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mary91 said on 16 February 2012

I can relate to most of the symptoms listed above. Im 20 and for the past year ive felt like my life has come to a stand still. I find it very difficult to see my future and i've suddenly started to not care about anything. My performance at work has hugely changed. It's like i just don't care. I wake up on a morning and can't wait to go back to bed. Sometimes i just stay in bed all day til 5pm. I constantly feel exhausted and my eyes are always filled with tears. I do feel sad. Although i cannot pin point the reason for it. I think i'm depressed. I don't want to go to the doctors to get confirmed - It's a scary diagnosis.

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pyschedelicgenius said on 15 February 2012

I think I definitely need to take the first step and see my GP, I have been on a rollercoaster the last 12 months. This time last year I attended a pregnancy scan with my then fiance. We had been trying for a baby for over a year suffering a few miscarriages along the way and it turned out she needed a laparoscopy. She had that and fell pregnant in December and we attended a scan as soon as the holidays were over. Anyway she came out crying and told me the baby wasn't mine and that she had been seeing someone from work for the last six months.

I just feel like nothing actually matters anymore, I can't stand my job, its nothing but stress. I have no energy to do anything anymore, some days I feel like I want to go away and hope no one notices, Ive never been emotional but I feel like crying most days. I just really don't know what to do anymore. Is this depression or am I just still not over it? My head feels like it is spinning constantly, I suffer headaches often and I just feel like I'll never move on and that its hopeless!

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does it matter said on 13 January 2012

@JJ76 - Not wanting to admit you have depression is probably because of the stigma attached to it. Seeing the GP is a step in the right direction, they will be able to start the ball rolling to see some kind of therapist, which may help.

@Cara - Not everyone that has depression suffers from all the symtoms.

I've had spent 28/29 yrs battling what I have without help and I finally realised I needed help about 10 months ago, when for no reason at all I was taking a pizza out of the oven and had impulsive thoughts of suicide. I've tried several times and failed. My mood swings are horrendous. I'm currently on medication for it and I have spoken to two psychologists about it. I need to understand it more to be able to carry on fighting it. I understand to a degree how you are all suffering but I will never fully understand because I am not you. The psychiatrist that I went to see believe I maybe suffering from cyclothymia. Depression is not something that is easy to deal with and to all of you out there...go and see the GP, its important for your well being. Not talking to your partner isn't a good thing to do, if you don't try to explain whats going on then you will only drive them away from you. If your partner truely loves and cares about you then they will listen and they will try to understand. Don't do what I did and have done, it can ruin a relationship if you don't talk to each other about problems and issues. I wouldn't want to see anyone go down the same path as me.

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JJ76 said on 11 January 2012

I dont want to admit that I may be depressed even tho I can tick off pretty much everything on the list. My whole life I have been considered sensible and responsible and down to earth. I am the one who listen to other peoples problems and offer advice and support. I try to be a good person and not get on other peoples nerves. I cant imagine really opening up to a friend or family member because I just cant see them really being interested in my problems. Sometimes I feel so unbearably alone. Which makes me horribly selfish because I have a lovely husband and a beautiful healthy son and I know that I should count my blessings everyday. I want to feel better for them because they deserve a happier more patient mum and a wife who doesnt turn away from the man who loves her. Like a lot of people we have some pretty severe financial worries and we both work hard but the strain can be enormous. Sometimes I feel as though I cant take a proper breath and every day I wake up with a feeling of dread expecting more demands to be made of me. I walk around with a horrible heavy stone in the pit of my stomach which I cant shake and I cant think straight. I find it hard to concentrate at work. I dont see the point of seeing my GP because how could they help with the external problems? I dont want to burden my husband becuase he is feelng enough strain himself. MY sister has suffered from severe depression for years so everyone knows what to expect frm her, its her "thing" but I just cant see anyone in my family taking me seriously and my mum has enough to worry about whilst my dad died suddenly a few years ago. I cant afford to go out with my friends like I used to. It feels as though everyone else is getting on in life except me. I know I need to pull myself together I just dont know how.

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JJ76 said on 11 January 2012

I dont want to admit that I may have depression. I can tick virtually everything on the NHS list but I dont want to admit it. Like many othes on here I wake early with a sense of dread and unease. Throughout the day my moods swing dramatically and if I dont speak to anyone for a few hours I can end up on the verge of tears. I over analyse every word, every situation, every thought until I am at my wits end.
My family life is very supportive generally but I dont think my husband would understand if I said i was depressed. He is wonderful and caring but I think he would expect me to snap out of it. I dont see the point of seeing my GP because tbh they wont be able to change the enviromental pressures which make things worse like work and money worries. My sister has suffered from severe depression for years and everyone knows about it. and we all accept and love her anyway but I cant talk to my family about being depressed because its my sisters "thing." I know how much my mum worries about her and I wouldnt want to add to these worries and anyway I cant see anyone really taking me seriously I think people see me as too sensible. I want to be a better person, I want to shake it off. I dont want to carry this horrible, heavy, stone around in the pit of my stomach anymore. I think I am a bad mum because of it. it must make me selfish because it preoccupies me. My child is wonderful and healthy (thank god) and I am grateful but I think he deserves a better mum, more patient more fun and my hsband deserves a better wife who doesnt turn away from him. So how do I fix this?

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olddriver said on 27 December 2011

I've only just found this site and having read some of the comments I hav to say I feel a bit of a fraud.
I haven't had any bad experiences to account for the way I feel and I have no real worries.
I do sympathise with the person that dropped the pizza, I feel like curling up in a ball most of the time.
I wake up in the morning with a horrible heavy feeling of dread and I can't wait to go back to sleep at night.
I manage to hide this most of the time but sometimes it seeps out and I end up shouting at the kids or breaking something in the house.
I daren't go to the docs in case I just get stuck on happy pills and can't work anymore, perhaps writing to you all may help?

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mmiittaa said on 21 December 2011

I've been suffering from depression for years. I think it’s probably because my dad. He was diagnosed (only a year ago) to have been affected by Narcissistic personality disorder (which he refuses to accept). I lost my mother when I was very small and went thru hell with his mean and manipulative ways which I did not realize was abnormal, I always thought there was something wrong with me. On top of all that he had some problem with women in general. (my mom died when I was ten) He hated women but used them when it suited him. He always classified women as whores or goddesses. The goddesses were the self sacrificing types. Those who had a mind of their own were bad! I realize now (I’m 45) how confused I had gotten as a child about a lot of things and developed my personality to be a type of doormat to win his approval. But he always hated me and yelled and abused me and found faults with everything I tried to do, as I grew older I moved away and tried to make my life but he kept barging in and trying to disrupt it no matter how far I moved. He is a great actor and no one knows what an awful person he is and refuses to believe. My relatives call me up and say I should be nice to him as he is old; he remained a widower just to raise me. And they believe him (it’s not true he married twice after that and both women left literally ran away after just a month of being with him, but he makes it seem as if he married so I would have had someone to look after me and separated because they were bad step-mothers! This really gets him the sympathy by loads). Now he is 83 and not able to hassle me much but I’ve become a depressed person with no motivation and no self esteem. I just hate life and wish I could end it. I think being in a manipulated and depressed state for years on end really is finally getting to me. I’m married and have two kids now (I went thru very bad post natal depression and was on medication) I try to be cheerful because I can’t ruin my partner’s life.

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WinterOfDiscontent said on 25 November 2011

I just wrote 2000 words of wonderfully cathartic stuff, culminating in a piece about reaching out. Thanks NHS website for managing to scupper even my plans to talk anonomously via the internet about how I feel. Is life really this empty that I'm typing my feelings?

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WinterOfDiscontent said on 24 November 2011

I suppose it's a terrible cliche to say I've never done anything like this before, but it's true. Then again, I've never found myself on my kitchen floor in the foetal positon as I did earlier this evening, bawling my eyes out, having dropped a pizza on the floor. I'd spent the last of my money on buying said pizza, only to have it covered in fluff. This would normally prompt me to look in the cupboard, tonight it caused me to throw it back on the floor (on the wooden chopping board, which broke) along with a glass and a couple of bowls. Now that's surely strange behaviour?

So, having spent the majority of the past few months wishing a hole might swallow me up, I have realised that it's just not going to happen and either I allow myself to get to a point of no return, or preferably, seek help.

I know the reasons for my feeling utterly useless and yes, depressed (in the true sense of the word). It's been a year without anything good in it. Job loss, constant money worries (not helped by the local authority or job centre) and bereavement have all played their part. This has meant I haven't been able to afford to go out, I am entrenched in ostracising myself from everyone and I'm looking forward to spending the entire Christmas week alone, with very little money to buy anything for myself, let alone others. A tree's definitely out.

The irony, which I'm sure is familiar to a lot of people, is that no-one would ever know from the outside. I hold down a reasonable job (my third this year as I was made redundant and have only been able to find temp work), have lots of friends, will always be there for them and am generally regarded as a happy, outgoing person. It's exhausting.

I have no parents, one sister, no partner for the past 5 years and lots of friends that I can talk to about anything but this.

The answer? I don't know yet, but even writing this and admitting I have a problem's a start. Hello, my name's blah and I'm depressed. The final frontier.

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paulaay said on 24 October 2011

I am currently 13 weeks pregnant. I have lived with depression for 6 years and have been on citralopram to treat this. However on finding out about my pregnancy my GP insisted i stop my medication. I am now have mood swings, feel low most days and sometimes dont even feel as though i want the baby. I have totally closed off from my partner and cant stand him anywhere near me most of the time, i feel like packing and leaving one day then fine the next. i had my 12 week scan and thought this would help but i felt no connection to the baby and im worried i wont love it when it arrives. Im confused as im not sure if my feeling are hormonal due to the pregnancy, depression or i just dont want the bay and my partner(ghis was a planned pregnancy) I feel trapped confuse dand dont know where to turn i feel so guilty about my feeling when so many people out there want children and cant have them.

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Fightstar187 said on 24 October 2011

Since my last comment things have been better and worse, allthough i left alot of info about my depression out of my comment because of the fear of being judged, and im sorry for doing that as we are all in the same situation, i was emotionally disconnected from anything for about 5 years and then for about 2 years my emotions just exploded and i would feel everyone times 1,000,000 except happyness, i used to pick up a knife and run it on the outside of my arm just to feel the pain and watch the anger and sadness pour out of my body, my father no longer lives in my house because he decided to attack my mum and i flipped and just kept hitting him, then my life just took a massive drop and i genuanlly did not want to exsist anymore.

I blocked everything out again but i can feel it sittin in my mind waiting for 7 years of sheer anger and depression waiting to burst out.

They say you cant understand the reality of depression until your fall into the blackhole yourself.

I wouldnt say that depression can not be cured, but we can help eachother overcome our problems with advice and simple conversations.

I know i am no doctor but but if anybody would like to ask me questions feel free to do so because i would not wish anyone to be in the position i was in.

Thankyou for reading this.

Fightstar187.

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Gsc1ugs said on 21 September 2011

I have read alot of the comments in this section and they very much relate to each other. I have 3 wonderfull kids but in the last 11 years I have stopped being me... The pressure of keeping house and children has took its toll and left me with a large debt i cannot repay. The stigma of not being able to fullfill lifes duties has left me with zero tolerance and a sense of hopelessness. The consequence is drepressive symptoms like all your comments and the bullet points by the NHS. I think, if we step back and said "hang on a minute..?" and see things naturally, walks, woods, trees, birds etc, i think it would not cure but help. The world and us expect too much, since my father died 2 years ago, i have said, i dont care anymore. I drink too much, i dont sleep well and have nightmares, horrible nightmares. I went to colleage got a degree git a job and after 5 years realised this wasnt for me. I now work for my self, buying, selling but its still not me. My hobbies and interests vanished when my first child was born, i dont blame my children, i blame myself for quiting everything even though costly, i ahut myself off from everything i liked to do.

We are all walking the same plank we dont want to walk on, we need to get off, suicide is not an option, it is not the answer, i have been through that mental process and it would cause more harm than good for your immediate family. I dont know the cure for depression but i know one thing, get off the plank.

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Ifanc Cymru ddraig said on 24 August 2011

I have been depressed for the past few months, yet I have yet to seek any help from family or the NHS. I am about to enter my first year of college and I'm afraid it may affect my grades and indeed my future. It's only recently though that I've experienced serious suicidal thoughts, something which only one close friend has the knoledge of. They keep trying explaining it's the worst option possible and at times I agree with them and I am then prepared to get help. Yet the next day, it's as if my emotions go on a default and I feel the same as before, incredibly low and sometimes suicidal. It's a problem that has affected me for years but I have only now come to realise I have. I have had trouble sleeping for at least 8-9 months now, and along with these thoughts that have appeared in the past few weeks, I fear it may get worse, but I don't know if I'll ever get the medical attention I need because of these reccuring emotions.

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kiwisop said on 03 August 2011

Wow... It really is heartbreaking to read some of these stories. It's an unfortunate consequence of modern life - the pressures, the pace, feeling completely alone in a world bursting with people.. even the pressure to be unique. It can be suffocating.

I have an unusual job at the top of my field and I should be incredibly happy. Many people only dream of working where I do... and yet... I've never been more unhappy.

I relocated to the UK from New Zealand and two years later, divorced my husband. It was a very amicable split - no property issues, no children and I felt a sense of liberation. But since then, I've gradually slipped in to a despair I don't seem to be able to shake - crying constantly, feeling worthless and inadequate, especially in terms of personal relationships. It's been two years now and I had always been so strong and confident (and appeared so to other people), that I have been in complete denial that I need help. But now, I need to make radical changes.

I want to thank you all for sharing your stories. And to Nullified - I would be interested in how your endeavour goes! I wish the best for all of you. Life is a hard road and as miraculous as it is, it's impossible to see it that way sometimes. I, too, am determined to find it again.



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wreiubfaer said on 24 July 2011

I used to be on medication to control my depression,i was on it 2 years and thought i dont need it anymore,also i went for a health assessment thing and they said i was fine well a woman who dint know me from anyone said i was after 5 minutes,and now a good few years on im worse than i ever was,i had counselling but it didnt help i got told it may be my personality a disorder what ever that is,but not i feel like a shell,i cant feel for people or things like i once did,i read news papers see something i dont like and cry inside myself even tears for what i see,i carry a guilt for all the worlds people who are suffering like its my fault they are,on the other hand i get like dreams where i harm myself in many ways or others they are like day dreams,and like every one says no one understands me at all im alone and i always will be.

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nullified said on 14 July 2011

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings, as it might helped me turn a new leaf in my life. It’s scary to acknowledge I’m depressed, but even scarier to tick almost all the symptoms on this list..
I used to be a single man, a fast riser, with plenty of cash and lots of “friends”. Then I started dabbing with marijuana and it’s like I lost several years of my life to a haze of smoke. I quit smoking a few months ago and literally one day I woke up and realised several years had disappeared. Even better, now I’m married, have a kid, an ever dwindling current account and a job I can’t stand?! Every day is the same: I wake up tired, travel for hours to get to a job I don’t like, feel like every positive expression comes across as fake. I’m paranoid, detached, as if looking at myself from a distance, not interested in what people say, in the world around me, or in me.. I work so hard to show such a happy, positive self that I feel exhausted on the way home.. so I travel back a couple more hours, with this blank look on my face. I sleep late again, and do the same the next day – over and over, over again.. I’m angry at myself for not quitting my job. I’m angry for not being the father I have always imagined I’d be. I’m disgusted that I’ve taken to gambling and drinking, to hide away from these feelings of inadequacy. I’m angry at myself for being a shadow of myself and not having the motivation to change. Meanwhile I see my life as if through a glass; knowing I could achieve more, but struggling to believe it. I tried talking to people, but all they say is that I should leave my job. So, I feel misunderstood, like crying and alone even when friends and family around.
“slowed movement or speech” – this made me laugh.. Now I know what happened to me, after assuming it was down to my short stint of weed smoking. Above all, now I know what to do and believe me, with a GP or not I will get myself of this rut, starting tonight. It’s 10.40pm - good night!

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LostChild20 said on 26 June 2011

I have recently discovered that I have depression as I recently did a test online as I have been feeling extremely down and quite tearful for a few months. I think I know what has started me off because my dad had a mini stroke last October and my college work sort of stopped and went downhill. Although I have been trying to get my life back on track I have found it very stressful trying to catch up with my work and get the grades I need to go to Uni later on this year.

I say this to anyone who has minor depression though... you can try and sort it by writing your thoughts and feelings down in any way you want or by talking to someone about it. It's not good keeping it all bottled up as it only makes you feel worse. I bought a new journal today as I used to write in one all the time and was hardly ever depressed, so I thought that if I started writing in one again it would ease my state of mind.

Reading through the symptoms though I have found that I have most of them and it has kind of scared me to be honest. I really hate being like this as it isn't fair to my family and friends and all I want is to be my normal happy self again...

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Fightstar187 said on 19 June 2011

Ok, so ive finally come to terms that there is something wrong with myself, ive lost alot of weight over the past years because somtimes i refuse to eat and dont know why, my sleeping pattern is seriously messed up, i find it hard to fall asleep before 5 o clock in morning wether i have to be up early or not, i used to self harm if something emotionally affected me just to feel something worse than what was going on in my head but i never put myself in a life thretning position, sometimes i wonder if there was a certain reason i was born but come up with no answer, my parents argue alot and my fathers answer to that is alcohol, which makes the situation worse, i have a sister i know nothing about becasue she refuses to have communication with me because of something that happend between my father and his ex-wife a long time ago, i have absolutly no memory what so ever from when i was 8 years old and before, most of the time i choose to stay indoors and stay away from social activities, but when i do go out with friends i act fine to stop people asking questions, imoften talk to myself and not release im doing it, i used to speak to a nurse in high school, just as an advice thing because of an altercation i had with a teacher and i just decided to destroy my hand on a wall, but he got me into writing letters which got me into writing songs about how i felt but i dont think that works anymore, can someone give me some advice on what i should do because i feel stuck in a place with no way out.

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ThingsCanOnlyGetBetter said on 17 June 2011

My experience and solutions may be of use.

My depression, initially low mood and tiredness, started 2 years ago. I thought I had it in check by going to the gym regularly and using St John's Wort. After a year things got worse - irritability, anxiety, isolation, fatigue, lack of concentration, loss of interest etc. Then I educated myself and finally saw the GP. I was prescribed SSRI's for 6 months, Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors. Overall, the SSRIs fulfilled their purpose but the side-effects were unpleasant, they can take 4-6 weeks to start working, and can make you feel worse for a while. Then I tried 5HTP which seemed to work for mild/moderate depression and without the side-effects. There have been some clinical studies on 5HTP but more is needed.

I've had to change my whole lifestyle around. I exercise regularly to release mood-enhancing endorphins, eat a healthly diet, 6-8 hours sleep daily (no more crazy late nights), and read about CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Techniques) in 'Overcoming Depression by Paul Gilbert', recommended by NHS website.

My advice, in hindsight, is to go talk to someone asap - your partner, a close friend, a family member, and especially your GP, to get the ball rolling. Some employers have Occupational Health therapists, colleges and universities have on-site student services advisors. You shouldn't have to suffer in silence. The sooner the better. A word of warning, not everyone will understand, some people ran a mile when they found out about me, which didn't help matters. Seek a professional who is willing to listen.

There are various types of depression, various levels of depression, and various solutions to choose from. Depression is a mental illness which can potentially have serious consequences. It is mostly chemical (low serotonin levels - a brain chemical) and partly psychological (negative/positive thought process etc).

So, do yourself a favour and get checked out.

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RosieTalk said on 16 June 2011

Dear anon 1234,

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment.

If you are not coping, there are lots of people you can talk to, if your GP is not helpful. You can visit Mind for information:

www.mind.org.uk/help/information_and_advice

Try and find someone you trust to talk to, like a relative or friend that you feel comfortable with. There are people who understand, and who can help you deal with the problems you are experiencing.

You can visit www.samaritans.org.uk for advice, email jo@samaritans.co.uk or call 08457 90 90 90.

You can also visit A&E if you are feeling in despair. They will have a crisis team on hand to help you.

Rosie, NHS Choices

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anon 1234 said on 16 June 2011

UNKNOWN 93 I am experiencing exactly the same problem. I've always performed well at school and university. But after feeling depressed, I just can't retain information anymore. I have been unsure about why this has been happening. But I've lost all motivation to get out of bed in the morning and constant crying outbursts. Do you have any suggestions about who to talk to if doctors or councillers aren't of assistance? I'm so sick of feeling this down all the time.

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UNKNOWN93 said on 09 June 2011

the docters and the counsellar made me feel 1000times worse, and told me `i`m overexaggreting and i have no evidence this is happening`.I went to them after a long time as i realised i didnt want this to affect my finally exams, and they didnt help one bit, now im struggling so much to complete my exams, i get a lot of panic attacks at night now, get so emotional and teary, and ive had very bad memory and i cant remember any content of my exams, despite re-reading and go over content again and again. So thanks to my docter i`m seriously going to fail my exams.i wake up everyday wanting to hide away and running away from this, which normally i`m able to face upto challanges to beat them but having this has made me feel useless, stupid and i dont have any psyical strength to go throught it, but no one seems to understand . . . . i dont know what to do.

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asdfsad said on 04 June 2011

To everyone, OntarioChampagne
Foxgloves
Greenlfw
martinb74

who is suffering or thinks they are suffering, I would recommend talking to a doctor, or phoning NHS direct. If you phone you don't have to give your name or postcode. Even if you feel embarrassed, in order to get better you need to remember that in my opinion you need to get help. You don't have to tell your family, friends... I think one needs techniques to help.

1/4 of the UK population suffers from mental illness at some point or other, and the majority must get through it otherwise... But I am getting support and I am better than last year but I don't want to be responsible for your actions.

I just want to post this as I don't want to worry about myself or anyone on these post thinking worse about themselves after reading the comments.

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9270rach said on 30 May 2011

for the past 2-3 month i have been in a really bad mood for no aparent reason, i get very irratated n annoyed with my boyfriend for the sillyiest of things, wich usualy ends in arguments.iv also become very paranoid over him, im constantly checking his phone and stuff, although he never giving me a reason to doubt him.i have no energy n im always tierd, but probly only have 2 decent sleeps a week!..i have a 6month old son, hes no bother at al, sleeps 12hrs a nite n few naps thru the day, hes generally a verry happy baby!!..so cant understand why i feel like this!...am i depressed?

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OntarioChampagne said on 21 May 2011

I tried to post a comment here yesterday but my account wasnt activated so the comment got withheld and now it's expired. I dont know if i can really repeat what i said yesterday, that was the first time i had ever told anyone that i think i have depression and i can't say all that all over again.

funny thing is, i feel much better now that i've got it off my chest, even if yesterday's comment hasnt even been posted. it was good to talk to people who know what i mean. i never thought i'd find other young ppl who are going thru this and feel exactly the same as i do. other ppl dont understand how embarrassing it is to say you're actually 'sick' because you're so 'sad'. it's such a relief to read all of your comments and realise im not alone. reading your comments also makes me see your depression from an outsider's perspective. i see hope and bright futures for all of you, and i know that it's not as bad as each of you thinks. and this makes me feel better abt my own situation

i also told my ex-boyfriend yesterday (after i left this site) abt all the weight ive lost and that im not sleeping, and he was SO supportive :-D. He didnt patronise me, blame me or tell me i was being melodramatic. I feel silly now for not telling him before. I'm not as alone as i thought, all I have to do is open my mouth.

thanks to all of you who posted here, cos you prompted me to post, and that led me to start talking abt my feelings with other ppl. It's been 24 hours and already i see a light at the end of the tunnel. if there's a light for me, there's one for all of us, cos we're all in this together arent we? ;-)

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OntarioChampagne said on 20 May 2011

... and i've got committments. So many ppl rely on me, it's not even funny. I've got 3 part-time jobs and I'm a full time masters student. I have a moral and religious children's class on Sundays, I'm entrenched in administration for my Faith in my city, everyone thinks I'm so Goddam reliable and they just keep giving me things to do.

How am I supposed to take time off and say, 'look sorry, can you stop relying on me for a few months, I just broke up with my boyfriend and im so weak i actually have clinical depression'

How do I get out of this without going to a doctor or talking to anyone in my life?

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OntarioChampagne said on 20 May 2011

Wow, it's been so comforting reading all these comments. I'm 22, and I'm the most practical girl you'll ever meet. My best friend had depression when her dad died 10 years ago but I never thought it would happen to me. I can't tell anyone cos I don't want them to worry about me, and I don't want them to think I'm being a wuss or overdramatic. And there's NO WAY i can go to a doctor. I'll get laughed out of town, not to mention my parents whould have to find out.

I've lost 5 kgs already and I wake up every morning at 2 am. I've never lost 5 kgs in my life, even when I diet and exercise. And soon ppl will start to notice and ask me what's wrong, in that concerned way, like I'm one of those stupid girls who can't keep her own weight on when life gets tough. I've googled causes of weight loss and depression and cancer are both on the list. To be honest, I'd rather have cancer. At least cancer is not my fault.

The only person who I could have talked to abt this was my boyfriend of five years, but I dont have him anymore cos we broke up 3 months ago. I don't feel anything. I feel distantly sad, sometimes confused, but mostly I feel blank. I come to uni and I just sit here for three hours and then go home and sit there, then go to bed and lie there, then do it again the next day. im not usually like this. People say I should pray if i'm confused or unhappy, but I don't see how that will help. And I kindof don't want God's help. I don't want anything.

I dont want to kill myself but i have had thoughts of death. Am i one step away from suicide? What do I do? Seeing a doctor is out of the question.

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coco09 said on 30 April 2011

I'm 16 and i dont know if i am suffering from depression or grief. i'm too embarrased to ask my gp and i dont want to talk to my mum about it. i've had a tough few years, both my granny and granda have died, i'm a really sporty person but unfortunately i havent been able to play because of a long term injury. I find myself crying most nights and i dont know why. i also go from beening really really happy to really sad all of a sudden. i need help i've my gcses coming up next month and i can't focus at all. what do i do?

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Foxgloves said on 30 April 2011

I'm 20 years old. I know i have it and have knowns for years. I'm far to embaressed and ashammed to drag any of my friends into this and don't get how seeing a doctor will to make anything better. After a recent death of a friend things have gone downhill and i just feel like theres no light at the end of the tunnle.

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stratford1995 said on 24 April 2011

I think I have depression, but I dont want to tell anybody, I feel they would be disappointed in me and I'm so scared, I dont know what to do anymore, its all getting to much for me.

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Ulkesh said on 03 April 2011

I find all the comments so far have meaning however I feel the truth about depression is it's personal to you, no-one else can feel how your feeling, but they can understand how you feel, so your left with the choice carry on as you are or seek help or hurt those around you, my depression has cost me my job, my wife, my children, every day is a struggle just to hold onto reality I drink to much now, I cry to much

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ChezzaBoo said on 31 March 2011

greenlfw, i understand what you mean when you say you don't want to go to the doctor. i think that i may have depression but i feel that going to the doctors will confirm it. i'm not really to let people know i can't cope with everyday life - guess i have to much pride. no one else seems to suffer the way i do and i think it's all myt fault. i don't want my family and friends to find out and be disappionted or let down. i'm embassed.

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Megan52 said on 25 March 2011

Reading these made me feel both better am worse- it's reasuring that people feel like I do too, but also it doesn't sound to me like this will ever go away? Seeing as some of you have been to the doctors but it hasn't really helped. I kind of assumed that going to the doctors would solve things for me?
I'm 17 and taking my a levels, I feel down constantly, and I'm trying really hard to block myself off from people. Everything about everyone annoys me, I hate how selfish and fake everyone seems to be. I can't really see the point in anything anymore, because I'm no good at anything and it doesn't feel like I'm ever going to be happy again. I feel completely numb all the time, and feel like every sort of emotion I express is forced and fake. Nothing interests me anymore and I feel disconnected from everyone. I'm so tired all the time that all I want to do all day is sleep, I've also felt sick constantly for about 8 months now. Are these signs of depression? I want to go to a doctor but I'm scared that they'll think I'm wasting their time or just being overdramatic. I also don't really want to be diagnosed in case it doesn't make a difference, people treat me differently or it exaggerates it more. Really not sure what to do, just want to be happy again.

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greenlfw said on 25 March 2011

I don't really know if i have depression or not, and i feel to scared to go to the doctor because i find it really hard to talk to people, and i dont think i could physically tell someone how i feel in person. I constantly feel rubbish and like im not good enough i hate the way i look how much i weigh and i get paranoid about everything. One minute im really happy usally when im with people but then when im on my own i just feel terrible sometimes ill have an hour of feeling like i just want to die and have cut myself before but then after a period of time im fine and i think why have i done that? I dont no whats wrong with me.

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NishaaaR1 said on 22 March 2011

Since December 2010, I've been having mild symptoms of stress. Now, in the last 3/4 weeks I've been experiencing mild/moderate levels of depression. I've been having insomnia, feelings of sickness on a daily-basis, several headaches everyday and changes to my menstrual cycle (every 2/3 months). I'm in my first year of College (16 years old) and I admit I'm putting too much pressure on myself, that in my mocks I just sat there and I was physically and mentally unable to write anything down on the paper at the fact that I was worried/stressed out so much. I still don't know what to do ane everyday it gets worse. The problem is also at the fact that I struggle to relax and I'm becoming very pessimistic about everything. I exercise 4 times a week for 2 hours to get my mind off of it, but it's only temporary. What do you recommend I do?

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jase31 said on 03 March 2011

I have recently been diagnosed with depression by my GP.
I have been feeling really low for the last 18 months or so and it has affected my working life, my social life, my love life and my weight has increased massively.
I am just in the process of trying to shake myself out of it and have started exercising again and trying to make more of an effort to socialise but it is really tough. I just feel so lonely and worthless all the time, I dont want to tell my family as I dont want to bother them with my issues and my poor girlfriend deserves better than having to deal with my situation.
Anyway, my GP tried to get me on anti-depressants but I dont want to take any drugs.
Has anyone else got any tips on how I can try and get better? I would really appreciate any ideas and thoughts.
Thanks

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chrissyk said on 27 February 2011

I'm 19 and just trying to write this is making me fill up. I think I've always suffered from seasonal depression as does my father, but since I was attacked last year it just seems to of triggered this big heavy weight on my shoulders and I just can't carry it round with me no more. Everyday I think of a way out, a way to escape all the fears and thoughts but I just cant seem to do it. I've lost my job because I could no longer face the thought of travelling on my own. I can't seem to go anywhere on my own anymore, even the thought of going to the corner shop puts me in a panic. I just don't know how to deal with it. I get so angry over nothing and its causing living at home a problem. I no longer go out with my friends unless they are driving us there and back which isn't very often at all. I cry so much, and it doesn't matter where I am I just burst out in tears. I can't talk to anyone about how I feel because they've all got their own issues to deal with. I've tried to talk to my mom about it but I always end up making it sound better than it is because I can't stand to see her know the truth. I think about ending my life several times a day but for my families sake I can't go through with it. but I feel I have nothing to live for anymore, No job, No car, No relationship, No money, No desire to get any of these either. I'd rather just stay in my bed where I know its safe, and even for that I have to take sleeping pills. Life just feels like I'm walking round in auto pilot, no feelings, just pure numbness. I would love to be happy again, for my smile not to be painted on. For my tears to be of joy and fulfilment. I just don't know where to go from here... I've tried to talk to my doctor but all he did was tell me about victim support, now that's dealt with what now? Who will listen? Who will help? I just wish I had a partner or someone to protect me :( I can't carry on like this for much longer it's killing me from the inside out.

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redkite14 said on 24 February 2011

Martinb74, yes, you sound pretty depressed. Anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure, is a classic symptom. Go see your GP. Thinking that he/she will consider you a time waster is typical depressed thinking. If the NHS didn't recognise that depression was real, and a real problem, they wouldn't have this site. Just make an appointment today, don't waste any more time thinking about it. If you don't want to do whatever he/she advises, you don't have to do it, but it's a start. You might think to yourself, 'it's not worth it, what's the point?' That's depression talking too. Given that you're alive, there are two choices: carrying on feeling rotten for the rest of your life, or doing something about it. Or not being alive, but believe me, you will screw a lot of people up for many years if you choose that option, however much you may think they'll get over it. They won't. Go see your GP and post here again with the results.

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redkite14 said on 24 February 2011

Martinb74, yes, you sound pretty depressed. Anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure, is a classic symptom. Go see your GP. Thinking that he/she will consider you a time waster is typical depressed thinking. If the NHS didn't recognise that depression was real, and a real problem, they wouldn't have this site. Just make an appointment today, don't waste any more time thinking about it. If you don't want to do whatever he/she advises, you don't have to do it, but it's a start. You might think to yourself, 'it's not worth it, what's the point?' That's depression talking too. Given that you're alive, there are two choices: carrying on feeling rotten for the rest of your life, or doing something about it. Or not being alive, but believe me, you will screw a lot of people up for many years if you choose that option, however much you may think they'll get over it. They won't. Go see your GP and post here again with the results.

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martinb74 said on 21 February 2011

I don't know if I have depression? Most days I just feel empty and there never seems to be any joy in anything. I'm at the point where I never want to go out and talking to people is an effort and I avoid it if I can
I can't tell anyone as they won't understand and I'm too embarrassed to go to the doctor in case he thinks i'm a time waster. I know that I never feel happy about anything or for anyone.

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pottymich said on 17 February 2011

i dont know where to turn to. i feel like sometimes i have gone crazy. i am no longer the person i used to be. i struggle with everyday lfe and it is not fair. i need to be strong but i can not. i do not want to go to the doctors and i feel i may burst i do not get out what i need to say> i have been going to th doctors and trying to tell them but i can not find the words. people need me they need me to be strong and together and i am finding it harder to mask over the sheer sadness tha is comingfrom me. i have been binge eating and have put on weight too which in turn is making it worse cause i look in the mirror and see something horrible. i wish it would go away i wish i could be myself because i enjoyed life everyday. i smiles and laughed and was happy and enerjetic and now i am a shell. a shell that continues to try and get on with it. i cant think its like my brain is mush it just doesnt want to think or work properly. i have so much going on and need to think i am learning to driveand i work and have a dad that is ill. why is life so unfair. i know i will get though it i have to but why is i this hard. i just want to be happy. i dont want t break. where will i get my strength from.

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brainphrozen said on 16 February 2011

I was diagnosed with depression last July and went through Cognitive Behaviourial Therapy and found it useful although a little short as it was only a six weeks long and now I find myself in the same feelings of low self esteem and not wanting to interact with the world. What makes it worse for me is that I was assessed by an NHS nurse for disability employment allowance in November of last year who said there was nothing mentally wrong with me and that I showed no signs of rocking back and forth or sweating. This is not signs of depression it's a sign of Madness and I'm not mad. I get really bad days of low mood. Having read this I have now been told I don't qualify for disability employment allowance based on her assesment so I'm going to get professional advice prior to a tribunal. I'm very blue at the moment as I broke my wrist at christmas on the very day that apparently someone from the disability employment allowance services tried to contact me. Mmm I would have remembered if they had on that particular day. Luchana I hope things are getting better for you, don't ever give up on life.

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Sadie75 said on 31 January 2011

I feel comforted by reading others' comments. For months now, I have been thinking it must be me. The worst thing is that I can't explain my depression. I just feel so low and useless all the time and can burst into tears at the slightest thing. There was no obvious trigger and I feel guilty for feeling so down when I have a wonderful family. I can't explain it to my husband because he just keeps asking what is making me unhappy and I don't think he believes that I don't know so he thinks it is to do with him. That makes me worry about the impact this will have on us in the longer term. I have no interest in anything and I know he gets so frustrated that I can't make decisions. I get so overwhelmed by the smallest thing.

I'm just about holding down work but am nowhere near as effective as I used to be and frequently find myself tripping off pathetically to the toilets for a cry. I just feel so useless. While I don't think I would ever harm myself because I couldn't do that to people who love me, I do sometimes secretly hope I might just pass away in my sleep. I am so irritable and horrible that I think people would be better off without me.

I don't think my employer has any understanding of depression so fear I would be accused of swinging the lead if anyone knew but sometimes feel that I need to tell them so that they understand some of the things I do and the way I react a bit better. Have others had experience of this, either positive or negative?

It has been good to offload some of this, even if only into cyberspace.



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scotlass01 said on 19 January 2011

I'm 17 and I think I'm suffering from depression, I had a look at the symptoms & I noticed I have 19 of these symptoms should I go to the doctor?

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lolafaith said on 19 January 2011

Dear luchana,
I was diagnosed with clinical depression 3 years ago (I am now 20) and I happened to come across your story. I have never replied to anyone before but your story struck me and although I cannot help you directly I hope maybe my advice, which you can choose to take or not, might do so.
Being young and having clinical depression can be very difficult because many people our age do not understand how tough it can be to function daily. But I really think you should goback to your GP. I know you said you feel anxious and scared but those are all signs of depresseion taking over. I know- I've had them too.
You may think they do not understand but they can help you. Living in the distressed state that you are at the moment will only make things worse if you do not ask for help. It is not a failing and not your fault that you feel the way you do.
You have had a very, very tough few years and deserve to give your mind and body a break. I was very against medicines and doctors and therapy but three years on I would advise anyone to do these things. It will take time but you are young and can still do everything you want to do.
I had cognitive behavioural therapy which although at times I hated was a brilliant thing to do. I think some form of talking therapy may be good for you too because you don't deserve to deal with all these problems on your own. Also you may need time to grieve about someof the things that have happened to you and sometimes in life we don't give ourselves time to just be and take time out.
Also please do not be afraid to go and get checked. Maybe try a sexual health clinic- you can look online to find your nearest one. They will be happy to help and advise and because they do that kind of thing all day long they will not judge you and then at least you can be sure you have not got something else, and even if you have, you can get it treated as many sexually related infections can be easily treated.
I hope some of this helps

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luchana said on 10 January 2011

...this is a continuation of my earlier comment i am sorry , ran out of space. Still two years on after contracting herpes i cant sleep, i will get up at 8 or 9 am then not be able to sleep until 3 or 4 am i will need to cry before i sleep to be able to sleep at all. or i will wake up in the night crying from a bad dream usually about dying alone. I just feel so lonely all the time, i see all my friends happy at uni, where i dropped out because i couldnt deal with myself. i feel stuck. he has ruined my life and i can go back, why me? what have i ever done to deserve this? most night i go to sleep preying to god that he let me die inmy sleep. one night it got so bad i opened my window and considered jumping. i drift off to sleep listing all the possible painless ways i could kill myself but then i chicken out because i dont want to be selfish and hurt my family. since being diagnosed and since the abortion i havent gon back to the doctors i get very anxious. i went on a sex spree, i wanted men to pay for all the hurt they have donet to me in my life, fortunatley i saw the error in that and luckily none of them have contracted my disease. I know i should go back and get re-tested but i cant, what if through my stupidness i have caught something more. i think that is playing on my mind too at the moment. i now stay at home, i work weekends and spend the week in bed, all day. i get panicky if i go out. i am heavily overweight now and am so stuck. please, please help me i am only 19 and i dont want to go on, i want my life back. from louchana

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luchana said on 10 January 2011

Please can someone help me, i think i may be depressed and its been getting worse for the last two years. I am only 19 but two years ago whilst at sixthform i lost my virginity when i was 17 to a much older man who i thought cared about me. i trusted him and was soo naieve to think it was 'cool' to loose it to an older man who cared for me. He was 45 years old, we used condoms but two weeks later i was diagnosed with genital herpes. I confronted him about it and he denied it but later confessed he had herpes on his mouth which i contracted from him when he gave me oral sex. he didnt tell me, nor did he know i was a virgin. he has ruined my life, i must have the worst luck in the world, before then i had only ever kissed a boy and so to catch a non cureable disease whilst using condoms has really changed my outlook on life. i was so happy before this, so full of life, i entered all the competitions, i was a rep i was in all the plays and doing so well with my studies. but after i lost alot of confidence. i now put on such a front like i am a different person when i am out of the confines of my room but when i am alone i feel so alone. i have since had a boyfriend who didnt care about my disease and still took chances with me, i felt happy again but i got pregnant and he forced me to have an abortion, which was devistating, i didnt want to loose possibly the only person that would love me regardless so i did it, but when i went in the clinic he left me there alone, when i came out i was alone i never saw him again. so not only have i lost everything, but i got rid of my own flesh and blood the only being that would have to love me and want me. My mum knows about my herpes she is the only one that i told but i wish i hadnt as things have changed, i know she loves me but i can see how much i have let her down, she isnt affectionate with me anymore, i dont get hugs from her nor a reply when i say goodnight i love you. now two years on i still cry myself to sleep most ..

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User513416 said on 31 December 2010

I've just admitted to myself that I have depression again. I suffered a major loss several years ago that I needed counselling and medication to get through. The medication lasted 5 years and counselling 6 months. It was a bad time and I've never really gotten over it. It has shaped my 30s, I've just hit 37. I am fairly successful in my job but it was never something I wanted to do, and studying for the qualification for my profession was the one of the straws that broke the camel's back and ignited the depression in the first place. I have no friends, no girlfriend - even when I do get offers I pretend to have an interest but then find ways to avoid contact with other people - I don't know how I'm going to get out of this, I feel it's dark all around me, there's no light anywhere.

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EmilyMae said on 17 December 2010

@beth95 I'm 14 i feel really similarly to you i go out with friends and get drunk with them and they all seem to enjoy it but i just wish i was at home sat in the dark alone. And i was dumped by my boyfriend last week, he took my virginity but that was our only time, he dumped me because i refused to do it again. In the past few months i've taken to cutting myself, almost to prove myself; i take the knife but then don't feel up to it but then i tell myself i'm such a failure at life that i can't even cut myself and end up doing more harm than i intended. I also pretend to be ill to stay off school because i really don't want to go, and then when i know lessons have started i feel really paranoid and think that all my friends will be enjoying spending time without me, and when i do gon in i pretend i have doctors or dentist appointments after school to avoid going out with them, then feel that they all hate me because they do stuff without me.

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beth95 said on 04 December 2010

i don't know how long i've been feeling like this without realising that i might have something wrong with me. for about a year now i've been aware that i'm uhappy in myself, but i'd always thought that it was to do with my age and that everybody goes through this. i thought that it was pathetic to think that it might be someting more than that because i've never had to experience anything which would cause me to become depressed. i have a close group of friends and from the outside i think i seem fairly happy and content which is what i try to do but at the same time it scares me that i can hide it so well. i've been hoping that it will all go away but i spend a lot of time on my own and it's gradually getting worse. after reading this i realise that i have most of these symptoms which i didn't expect. i really want to tell somebody how i feel but i can't because nobody suspects a thing and as soon as i'm not alone i feel stupid for thinking that i might be depressed or feeling any different from anyone else. i often get feelings of hatred towards myself and i am constantly comparing myself to everyone else. i cry a lot and get angry when my friends tell me about their problems but again i hide how i'm feeling. i can't imagine ever telling them how awful i feel all of the time and if i've ever mentioned my low self esteem before it's been casually ignored. i dont think anyone will ever understand but i think the worst part is crying everyday and not knowing why i'm always so upset. i hate having to pretend like i'm someone else in my head just so that i can carry on being myself in front of others. i still don't see how i can be depressed, especially when i'm only 16, but i know that this isn't normal and i'm scared. i'd love to have someone to talk to about it because i hate having to lead this secretive double life and i want to stop crying.

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lisanvql2 said on 19 November 2010

i never knew tht i was depressed untill i read the sypmtoms!! nd now realise i must have depression!!! i get very low for no reason cant explain y and cant get out of it, low self esteem, dont want 2 do any thing, go any where or scoialise. i feel useless, not worth the air i breathe, unloved unwanted waste of space. i must have felt like this for 6 months but for the last 2 and a half i've been thinking of ending my life beause no 1 wants or loves me!! i feel like im in this bubble no 1 can get in i cant get out! i feel trapped in my own world nd theres nothing i can do 2 get out of it!!! i feel i cant even talk 2 my partner about this!! i feel scared and worried about what he'll say, incase he leaves me so i keep everything 2 myself which doesnt help cus tht gets me even lower!!

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lilyput said on 23 October 2010

ive been feeling low for a long long time, i just didnt realise i ws depressed untill i had spinal surgery and was at home a lot, i realised very quickly that something else was wrong! feelings of 2 days when im ok then the drop it feels to me like a "v" i slide down the left hand side getting more agitated as i slide, more desperate more sad then when i hit the bottom i binge eat cry and feel like nothing is worth anything any more, then i go back up the v after weeks, thats as bad as going down the "v" when i get to the top i almost shake and perspire with a sort of euphoria, wierd!.........lately ive notice all these patterns are more pronounced and have felt like" what if i took all these pills"........i find it hard to explain this to my doctor because i would break down in the surgery and i would find it hard to get a grip again, its the helpless feelings that make me panic..............ive no sex life, ive stopped all my hobbies and i hide from the world, i sit alone day after day after day, i dont want anyone here it agitates me and i get moody.........my partner works away all week and i feel like he doesnt want me anymore when he comes home, i feel unloved, unwanted and a waste of space........i didnt realise that these feelings have haunted me for years, i think that now they have just got too much to handle

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scott70 said on 12 October 2010

CaraTee,

It is not unusual to have involuntary thought processes about harming another person as well as yourself in those that suffer from depression. I once heard a female GP on a BBC radio show describing her own very similar experiences and these 'morbid thought patterns' as she named them. And i know someone personally who has experienced the same thing, I'm guessing it's an extension of being less tolerant of those around you and extreme irritability but tell your friend not to worry, it's a very common symptom -as indicated in the list above

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CaraTee said on 07 October 2010

I've tried explaining depression to other people, how I feel, one I pointed to this site, it's a very good explanation. Although I've never seen the 'or thoughts of harming someone else' before. Though I've not experienced that myself, how common is that? It's worried my friend!!! I thought it was generally turning on yourself. I'd be interested to hear what other people feel about that.

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