Losing a child is devastating for every member of a family. It can be especially difficult for your other children. They will experience feelings of grief and a sense of loss similar to your own.
It’s important to remember that it may be even more traumatic for a sibling to realise and accept what has happened. Young siblings may not fully understand what has happened, especially if you have tried to protect them from the emotional strain of your child’s illness.
It is important that you try to understand and talk to them about their feelings. Young children can cope with the turmoil of a sibling’s death if they are given support and time. Initially they may be confused by the range of their emotions and unsure of how to deal with them. They may feel:
- guilty or even responsible for their brother or sister’s death, especially if they have misunderstood the cause of death
- resentful that they didn’t get to spend enough time with their sibling or have the opportunity to say goodbye the way they would have liked to
- guilty about arguments they may have had in the past with their sibling
- angry, scared or unsure about the future
- worried that they may now have to fill the space left by their sibling
- worried about the relationships they have with their parents
Although you will also be grieving, try to spend time with your other children to help them grieve as well. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but their grief may be different to yours because of the different relationship they had with their sibling.
Grieving together may help you bond. It's an opportunity to talk to each other, understand how you are all feeling and discuss these feelings and emotions. You could use pictures and stories of your loved one and remember better times together. All of these experiences may help you and your other children cope with your child's death.
If your other children don’t want to speak to a family member or close friend, then there are many support groups that they can talk to who can help them understand and cope with their feelings, for example ChildLine or RD4U.
Watch the film below about how a family came to terms with their loss.
