Mutual caring means caring for someone who also cares for you. Mutual caring is common in elderly couples, but can also occur if an elderly parent has a son or daughter with a disability or an older person with health needs cares for a disabled grandchild.
Often, people in these situations don’t realise they are mutual carers. For example, if your grown-up son or daughter has a disability and still lives with you, you may have been looking after them all their lives without any help from social services. If they in turn help you with tasks around the home which you struggle with due to your own ill health, then you could be described as mutual carers. Care can include shopping, cleaning, cooking, accompanying each other on days out as well as providing emotional support and keeping each other company at home.
What help can you get?
As a mutual carer you may find it difficult to strike a balance between making sure your own care needs are met and meeting the care needs of the other person. Getting the right support is essential in mutual caring circumstances. If you are not able to get this support from friends and family, you can contact your local authority to arrange for you both to have a community care assessment and a carer’s assessment.
Sometimes these can be carried out at the same time. If this is the case, be sure to think about your own health needs and your needs as a carer separately before the assessment and be clear with the assessor about these needs.
For example, if the person you care for needs help with personal care, such as getting washed and dressed, and you are uncomfortable about providing this level of care or you find it difficult to perform these tasks for health reasons make sure you mention it at your assessment. Social services may be able to provide you with professional care workers to help with personal care or cooking meals for you both.
It is also important that these assessments lead to efficient solutions for both of you. For example, if you both require help with preparing meals, one care worker could make a meal for you both at a time to suit you both. If you find any of these processes confusing there are advocates who will represent you and the person you care for to ensure the authorities have a co-ordinated approach to your support services.
You may also find that your assessments recommend aids and adaptations to your home to improve your mobility and enable you to remain independent for longer.
Any help you are entitled to from your local authority will be means-tested. For details about this see our article about costs for care at home.
Some people prefer to manage their own support services through direct payments. For more information about this see Direct payments.
Support groups and respite care
Mutual caring can be very isolating, so support groups can be a real help. Your local carer’s centre may be able to put you in touch with other carers in a similar situation in your area.
To find out about carers centres in your area contact Carers Direct on 0808 802 0202 from 8am to 9pm Monday to Friday, and 11am to 4pm at weekends and bank holidays.
Respite can be especially important for both the carer and the cared for. When requesting respite through an assessment, make it clear whether you are happy to have respite care with the person you care for, or whether you would prefer to take a break alone. For some people, a break from home with the person they care for may be enough. Other people may need to be away from the person they normally care for to take a proper break. See Accessing respite care for more information.
Accommodation and emergency planning
If you are unable to remain in your own home because it no longer suits your needs, then sheltered accommodation or extra care housing may be an option for you. These schemes provide living spaces for couples who want to stay together, but who need extra help in order to remain independent for longer.
In some circumstances, mutual caring may not be sustainable. It’s important to consider your own health and to be realistic about how long you can continue to be a carer and stay well. It’s advisable to have an emergency plan in place. You can discuss this at your carer’s assessment and community care assessments.
If mutual caring becomes unsustainable and one of you needs to move into a residential or nursing home, you may find Age UK’s factsheet (PDF, 170KB) about paying for care in a care home if you have a partner helpful.
Benefits
If you have a significant health condition, you may be entitled to claim Disability Living Allowance or Attendance Allowance if you are 65 or over. As carers, you may also be entitled to Carer’s Allowance.
The amount you get for Disability Living Allowance will depend on the level of your disability (and can be lower, middle or higher rate). For eligible applicants in 2010/11 Carer’s Allowance is set at £53.90. However, income-related benefits such as Jobseeker's Allowance, Employment and Support Allowance, Income Support, tax credits, Housing Benefit, Council Tax Benefit and Pension Credit have different amounts for individual applicants and for couples. It’s important to seek advice before claiming benefits, as claiming a particular benefit may have an effect on other benefits you receive.
For example, if you receive Disability Living Allowance you may be entitled to get additional money (called a premium) added to any income-related benefits you get such as Jobseeker's Allowance. However, if the person who cares for you gets Carer’s Allowance you will no longer be able to get this premium added to your income-related benefit.
To get a full benefits check, call the benefit enquiry line (0800 882200), or use the Citizens Advice Bureau's online advice guide. You can also contact your local carer’s centre for advice.
