Communication

Dementia is a progressive illness which, over time, will affect the ability of the person you're looking after to remember and understand basic everyday facts, such as names, dates and places. Dementia will gradually affect the way the person communicates. Their ability to present rational ideas and to reason clearly will change.

As a carer, you may find that as the illness progresses you'll have to start discussions in order to get the person to make conversation. This is common. Their ability to process information gets weaker and their responses can be delayed.

Body language and physical contact

Body language and physical contact become more significant when communication is difficult. There are several ways to make communication easier:

• Being patient and remaining calm can help the person communicate more easily.
• Keep your tone of voice positive and friendly where possible, because tone is also a means of communication.
• Don't stand too close to the person while talking as it can intimidate them.
• Don't stand too close to the person during communication. Either be on the same level (sitting if they are), or be lower than them. Then it isn't intimidating or difficult for them.
• Patting or holding the person’s hand while talking to them can help to reassure them and make you feel closer. Watch their body language and words to see whether they're comfortable with you doing this.

Encouraging communication

Try to start conversations with the person you're looking after, especially if they're having fewer conversations. There are other ways to encourage communication:

• Speak clearly and slowly, using short sentences.
• Make eye contact with the person when they're talking or asking questions or having other conversations.
• Don't make them respond quickly because they may feel pressured if you try to speed up their answers.
• Encourage the person to join in conversations with others where possible.
• Don't speak on behalf of the person during discussions about their welfare or health issues. This can make them feel invisible, and they may not speak up for themselves in other situations.
• Don't patronise the person you're looking after, or ridicule what they say.
• Don't dismiss what the person you're looking after says if it doesn't answer your question or seems out of context. Instead, show that you've heard them, and encourage them to say more about their answer.
• Avoid asking the person to make complicated choices. Keep it as simple as possible.
• You may find that you'll need to use other ways to communicate, and you may have to rephrase questions because the person can't answer in the way they used to.

These are not the only hints that can help. You'll find your own way of communicating based upon what's here.

Use the dementia carers' tips video wall below to find out how others have dealt with difficulties caring for a relative with dementia.

The Alzheimer’s Society has several information sheets to help (see External links).