Caring for someone can feel isolating. For lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) carers, these feelings of social isolation and a lack of specific services can be greater.
Annie Emery, Caring with Confidence manager at the Lesbian and Gay Foundation says many LGBT carers feel they're unable to disclose their sexual orientation or gender identity to health professionals or families for fear of discrimination.
“As a consequence, the needs of LGBT people and the quality of the services they're receiving are not being identified.”
Annie says there's also a perception among LGBT people that LGBT carers are not treated the same way as heterosexual carers.
“Often, partners are assumed to be siblings of the carer or even sons or daughters, despite small age gaps,” she says.
“There may be issues with the cared-for person’s family having discriminatory attitudes towards an LGBT carer, and there's generally a lack of understanding.”
Although it's unlawful for LGBT people to be discriminated against when getting healthcare, Annie says barriers still exist.
“It's important to recognise friends as a source of support and not assume that family members are aware of individuals’ sexual orientation or gender identity, or that they're the primary source of support,” says Annie.
“LGBT people may be ostracised or separated from their family. They're less likely to have children, and will often rely on a network of close friends for support.”
Peer support
Annie says that when LGBT carers decide to access mainstream support groups or services, their needs aren't always considered.
“An example of this is when a lesbian woman went to a support group for partners of women with breast cancer,” she says.
“She was the only woman in a group of 10. The other nine were heterosexual men, and the whole group felt too embarrassed and uncomfortable to share their experiences.
“I think there's a lack of peer support purely because LGBT carers are more hidden. As there aren't specific support groups for them, they're not joining any groups.“
The Lesbian and Gay Foundation in Manchester is working with Manchester City Council to talk to LGBT carers to develop a carers’ support group.
“I am talking to many care agencies and finding that people are keen to address these inequalities. They're asking for the Foundation’s input in making their services more LGBT-friendly and accessible,” says Annie.
“This is a positive move, so things are hopefully starting to change. Change is needed because, sadly, one or two care professionals I talk to aren't acknowledging the existence of LGBT people in their areas. They say: ‘but there are no gay people here!’”
Mainstream organisations can also help
The Alzheimer’s Society runs an LGBT telephone-support group. Staffed by gay men and lesbians, the volunteers listen and support LGBT carers and their needs. Patricia Byrn, who is one of the phone operators, says health professionals have often learned the right words to say but are still not engaging with gay and lesbian people.
“We are looking for acceptance and saying ‘meet us halfway’,” she says.
“We're looking for mutual respect. The LGBT support group allows people to discuss how bereft they might feel and how hard it can be, without being judged.”
Coming out
By not actively engaging with gay and lesbian patients, some people feel they are forced to “come out” to their doctor or health professional. This can be particularly difficult for older gay or lesbian people, says Patricia.
“Some feel that they're going back into the closet for fear of being judged,” she says.
“If you’re 70 years old and having to deal with a range of professionals, it can be very tiring.
“With the LGBT helpline, LGBT people can finally express how they feel and who they are.”
Civil partnership and power of attorney
The Alzheimer’s Society LGBT support group is urging gay and lesbian carers to think about their futures. If you're in a long-term, same-sex relationship, it might be worth considering civil partnership to legally protect your loved one should either of you die. The Civil Partnership Act, which came into effect in 2005, allows same-sex couples to obtain legal recognition of their relationship.
Couples that form a civil partnership have the same legal status as married couples, which entitles them to the same treatment on a range of issues, such as tax (including inheritance tax), recognition under intestacy rules and employment benefits. If you're caring for someone suffering from a long-term condition, there may come a time when you will need to make decisions on their behalf. It may be helpful to discuss power of attorney.
Pat encourages all carers to have the courage to see a solicitor and use the laws available to help them, such as the Mental Capacity Act.
“It’s important to be aware of what’s out there and what you can demand,” she says. “Even though something might not apply now, it will in the future.
“Be aware of what’s out there and what you can demand.”
